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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to handle this teacher situation?

152 replies

OutOfMyDepth86 · 13/11/2023 15:14

Before I start this is not a teacher bashing thread, on the whole I think they do an amazing job.

My ds14 in year 10 is having a really hard time with one of his teachers, to the point on days he has this teacher he is not wanting to go to school. He has got upset several times and states the teacher singles him out repeatedly. I have emailed school three times and had no response, rang and spoke to the year 10 student coordinator twice, was promised a phone call, email response and got nothing, my ds him has been and ask to move class of a few occasions. He doesn’t get in trouble or have detentions for any other subject.

The issues are as follows:-
We are out of catchment area by 15 miles, first homework was take 35-50 photos of where you live in away it represents community and the place. He did this, I know he did this as I bloody walked around for 90 minutes in the rain helping him and as always I get him to bcc me into homework emails. She told him he hadn’t done the homework properly and just taken random photos of pretty fields and trees as he lives in x place, he informed he didn’t and this is the area he lived. He received 30 minute detention for not doing the homework correctly.

Had to redo the homework same criteria, which he did redo and got told off again. He told her the criteria was where you live not X place and that’s what he did. Got a 30 minute detention for rudeness but she accepted the homework.

She singled him out and wouldn’t allow him to leave the classroom with a camera to complete the coursework made him sit at his desk for all 3 lessons that week. Then gave him a 30 minute detention for not completing the coursework, this has happened three times since September.

According to ds and backed up by a few classmates she screamed in his face in the classroom in front of the class over not completing the coursework, that she didn’t allow him to take part in.

She shouted at him and gave him a 30 minute detention for not looking at her when she was talking to him. He was looking at her to the best of his ability, he has a squint which has been surgically corrected twice and now he has grown is waiting a third operation, his eye involuntarily wonders/crosses, he can’t control this. School are aware as hospital have written to them about seating arrangements best for board work.

There has been several other incidents but these are the worse of them, I can’t allow him to be bullied by this teacher. She is the adult in a position of authority and I don’t think she should be allowed to abuse that power. What do I do as the school are ignoring all my attempts of communication of this issue.

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 14/11/2023 18:01

OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 17:09

In regards to the homework it did meet the brief 100%, he did not only take photos of fields. He had photos of 150 year old cottages, a famous local bridge and river, bridle paths, the scarecrows from the autumn festival, ponds, the village community centre, shops and primary school etc etc. The work was excepted the second time when he stood his ground and insisted that is where we live because it is.

I went in this morning and saw the deputy head, head of pastoral care, head of year 10 and head of behaviour. I was clear that I had tried to discuss this multiple time with the year 10 coordinator that turns out is not a qualified teacher she is just the first port of contact. I stated the information that I had been give. And said I understood the teachers story might be completely different but that doesn’t mean my son is lying and I wanted a full investigation, I explained the situation was causing upset and anxiety and my so is not an anxious child which they agreed.

I heard back this afternoon when I was called into school, the teacher admitted shouting at him multiple times. She said she didn’t let him out to do the practical lessons as he hadn’t completed the written work my son was adamant he had so I asked her to show my proof in his book the work had not been done. She went to get the books to prove him wrong and it turned out my son was correct he had completed all the work set and had actually done some extra research in to shutter speeds, she stuttered and stumbled but did apologise. I have arranged to go back in tomorrow and meet with the deputy head to discuss what I would like to happen moving forward after discussing it with dh and my son at home. Any suggestions what I should be saying?

Excellent news. Brilliant that you were able to finally get hold of them and also prove her wrong in front of all those staff members. They won't do it in front of you or tell you about it, but in the background they will be asking very hard questions about what she is doing screaming in children's faces and treating them like that, and there will potentially be more "drop ins" and "learning walks" going past her classroom to check what is happening.

As for where to go from here, I'd talk to your son about whether he wants to continue with this subject knowing she is the teacher. They usually don't let you move subject after half term but this is an exceptional circumstance and you're only a week or two into this half term. Photography GCSE is very heavily coursework oriented and with a vindictive bully like that, he will get purposely marked down (it happened to me with GCSE art).

He can still get in to do A-level photography with an art GCSE so it might be worth asking if he can move to art if he's not already doing it, or it might be worth just cutting his losses with the whole department and doing something completely different. I would trust your son to know which teachers he works best with and see if the school will support him changing to another subject. But they might say no.

If he wants to continue, or has to, you need to ask the school what measures they will put in place to ensure his work is marked fairly and that he gets the opportunities to engage with all the practical work alongside everyone else.

TessDurbeyfieldisalive · 14/11/2023 18:04

FrippEnos · 13/11/2023 15:58

The headteacher won't see you unless you follow the complaints procedure.
Normally this will be
Teacher
Head of department

Head of year.
(possibly) assistant head in charge of department
Then Headteacher
Governors etc.

You may be able to circumvent some of these if you go pastoral, or SEND.
Even then they will direct you back to the teacher.

With regard to not letting him out to photograph things. You do need to find out why the teacher didn't let him go, whether this is due to messing around, trying to get him to finish written work, or bullying you will need ot get the teacher's side.

This is what you need to do. Document communications and be sure to reference the policy in this. For instance:

"I am writing this email as per stage one of your complaints policy. I wish to complain about X,Y,Z. I have already done blah blah ...In line with the policy, I expect such and such a response".

I would also have an outcome in mind. The school do not always have to progress with the policy if they believe the complaint to be malicious so if you can demonstrate that you are willing to work with them this will go on your favour.

TessDurbeyfieldisalive · 14/11/2023 18:06

Sorry, just read the update. Great news.

EscapeTheCastle · 14/11/2023 18:10

As the poster above has said, moving subject under these circumstances is a really good idea. To Art or even anything else on the timetable that will fit in because I don't think this teacher will change personality overnight.
Your sons confidence will return with your support so well done sorting it out.

Allwelcone · 14/11/2023 18:25

Well done, great to hear this update

StaunchMomma · 14/11/2023 18:53

As an ex-secondary teacher, I would say you need to go in and demand a meeting with both her and the Head.

She will try her absolute best to fob you off. Make sure you don't tell her the names of the 3 other pupils who said she screamed in her face.

It may be that your DS hasn't told you the whole story. It may be that she is a teacher who likes to belittle kids (it does happen). Either way, it needs dealing with, not least because it sounds like he is now behind with his coursework and a plan needs making to get him up to date.

You've tried to speak to people and been fobbed off. In their defence, they are probably hugely busy with problems they deem to be of a higher priority, but this does need dealing with.

Demand a meeting with the Head, with her if possible, and give as few details as possible. You'll be wanting to see her face when you speak to her to know if she's lying.

If the head isn't helpful, put in an official complaint. Then they will absolutely listen.

StaunchMomma · 14/11/2023 18:57

Apologies, just seen the update.

Well done, OP!

It sounds like the school are listening, which isn't always the case.

Hopefully they will be able to move your son to another class and he will feel happier. Either way, I doubt very much she'll be bothering him again!

I do hope this is a lesson she learns from.

EekGoesTheBaby · 14/11/2023 19:00

Good for you for standing up for your son, OP!

FrippEnos · 14/11/2023 19:07

If your DS is staying in the class, what you will need to make sure of is that he still receives a good standard of teaching with solid feedback, as the response from the teacher may be to just let him coast through.

Strictlymad · 14/11/2023 19:17

Well done with the meeting, I hope you are feeling satisfied with the progress. I would stress how much this teachers unjust and unfair treatment has affected your son mentally, she needs a disciplinary for her actions at minimum. I’m honestly quite shocked and horrified at her behaviour, especially to be explicitly proven wrong! Even if ds hadn’t completed written work, and she kept him in a detention for that is not just. She is a bully. I would suggest teachers interview other students firstly to corroborate ds account and secondly to see if there are more victims picked on. All the best

curaçao · 14/11/2023 19:27

OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 17:09

In regards to the homework it did meet the brief 100%, he did not only take photos of fields. He had photos of 150 year old cottages, a famous local bridge and river, bridle paths, the scarecrows from the autumn festival, ponds, the village community centre, shops and primary school etc etc. The work was excepted the second time when he stood his ground and insisted that is where we live because it is.

I went in this morning and saw the deputy head, head of pastoral care, head of year 10 and head of behaviour. I was clear that I had tried to discuss this multiple time with the year 10 coordinator that turns out is not a qualified teacher she is just the first port of contact. I stated the information that I had been give. And said I understood the teachers story might be completely different but that doesn’t mean my son is lying and I wanted a full investigation, I explained the situation was causing upset and anxiety and my so is not an anxious child which they agreed.

I heard back this afternoon when I was called into school, the teacher admitted shouting at him multiple times. She said she didn’t let him out to do the practical lessons as he hadn’t completed the written work my son was adamant he had so I asked her to show my proof in his book the work had not been done. She went to get the books to prove him wrong and it turned out my son was correct he had completed all the work set and had actually done some extra research in to shutter speeds, she stuttered and stumbled but did apologise. I have arranged to go back in tomorrow and meet with the deputy head to discuss what I would like to happen moving forward after discussing it with dh and my son at home. Any suggestions what I should be saying?

So he has done the work NOW but that is probably because he knew you were going in to school.
I would bet my house on tehre being a lot more to this than your DS is letting on.It makes no sense!

Original poster
OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 19:31

@curaçao no you are wrong, he completed the written work in the lesson along with the rest of the class, the next lessons work was underneath in the book both stamped with schools own date stamper! The teacher used it as an excuse for her appalling behaviour and was caught out there is nothing more to it than that.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 19:32

@curaçao sorry it didn’t tag you correctly see me post above please.

OP posts:
nononocontact · 14/11/2023 19:39

Probably not the correct advice but if I were you I would go to the school and have it out with the teacher myself.

Maireas · 14/11/2023 19:41

I don't understand the bit about letting him out to do practical lessons - surely they're not just let out with cameras, unsupervised?
The meeting with four members of staff seems like overkill, especially with a head of behaviour and a head of pastoral care. Were they all saying the same thing?

Original poster
OutOfMyDepth86 · 14/11/2023 19:46

@Maireas what do you mean? The school has a strange SLT structure, or at least strange to me. There are multiple assistant heads, 3 deputy heads, 1 head teacher, 1 principal and 1 executive principal. I requested to see one member of staff who then called others into the meeting.

OP posts:
Maireas · 14/11/2023 19:48

Right. It seems a bit of a strange situation to have four people dealing with the issue. The SLT structure doesn't seem too strange, although I don't know the size of the school.

gingerandsmall · 14/11/2023 19:51

I'd be looking for or asking for copies of their Safeguarding and Allegations of Abuse Against Staff policies. The latter should detail how allegations of staff bullying students are handled.

Strictlymad · 14/11/2023 20:09

I may be jumping to conclusions…. But having so many senior members of SLT immediately in the meeting suggests to me it many not be the first time issues with this teacher have come up….I would say if this was out of the blue it would be low level unless escalated later… seems very sus to me

VeronicaSawyer89 · 14/11/2023 20:23

curaçao · 14/11/2023 19:27

So he has done the work NOW but that is probably because he knew you were going in to school.
I would bet my house on tehre being a lot more to this than your DS is letting on.It makes no sense!

Show quote history

How was it possible for him to do the work NOW, when his teacher had his books?

Afteropening · 15/11/2023 05:41

Maireas · 14/11/2023 19:41

I don't understand the bit about letting him out to do practical lessons - surely they're not just let out with cameras, unsupervised?
The meeting with four members of staff seems like overkill, especially with a head of behaviour and a head of pastoral care. Were they all saying the same thing?

yes i thought this. surely in the morning the school would have struggled to set aside four very senior teachers time to discuss this?

and another meeting after the op has discussed at home!

FloofCloud · 15/11/2023 06:23

She's a bully! Don't back down, your DS needs support - good luck!

wokbun · 15/11/2023 06:26

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 13/11/2023 15:29

He was to take pictures of his area, which he did so he did do the homework.

OP said homework was 'take 35-50 photos of where you live in away it represents community and the place'.

How did he represent the community?

There is no community there?

CwmYoy · 15/11/2023 06:37

Very well done, OP.

That person shouldn't be in teaching.

curaçao · 15/11/2023 07:29

VeronicaSawyer89 · 14/11/2023 20:23

How was it possible for him to do the work NOW, when his teacher had his books?

Show quote history

I presume they are handed out every lesson