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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant maître d' talking about us to other customers

234 replies

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:19

Went out for a meal with husband to a nice restaurant and booking was 1.5 hours. I am a slow eater and we were having a lovely time chatting so I wasn't clock watching.

In retrospect Maître d'/head waiter was hovering when I was close to finishing and I should have perhaps read this as they were rushing us to finish but I was so enjoying the meal and company I didn't register at the time.

Finished meal and Maître d'/head waiter said (in other words can't remember exactly) "sorry I've been waiting for you to finish, I didn't know what to do". I know they said sorry but you know when from someone's tone they are NOT sorry and what they said was more to point out you had annoyed them? At the time I felt really awkward and embarrassed like I should have been tracking the time or something? So I apologised.

After this had happened husband said that PRIOR to this, he had seen Maître d' talking behind their hand whilst looking at us and saying sorry. So talking about us whilst we were at that point totally unaware we had gone over time.

I think this could have been better managed by when we were coming close to end of our booking, saying excuse me, just to let you know you are coming to the end of your booking as we have another table at X time? I would have thought oh sh** and rushed up!

I completely get it must be annoying when customers go over on bookings and it must be complex coordinating everything but i thought it was handled unprofessionally. Just tell us you need the table now/soon rather than talking about us behind our backs to other customers and then informing us after the fact that we had 'held up' a booking? AIBU?

OP posts:
Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:21

If you knew it would take you a long time to eat why didn’t you extend the booking

or perhaps when someone started hovering checked the time?

Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:22

After this had happened husband said that PRIOR to this, he had seen Maître d' talking behind their hand whilst looking at us and saying sorry. So talking about us whilst we were at that point totally unaware we had gone over time.

weird your husband didn’t say when he heard this, rather than telling you later

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:23

Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:22

After this had happened husband said that PRIOR to this, he had seen Maître d' talking behind their hand whilst looking at us and saying sorry. So talking about us whilst we were at that point totally unaware we had gone over time.

weird your husband didn’t say when he heard this, rather than telling you later

yeah true 😂

OP posts:
12345onceIcaughta · 13/11/2023 11:23

How long over did you go?
you saw them hovering and chose to ignore them.
I think you were rude.

TheresaCrowd · 13/11/2023 11:23

You have no clue what they were talking about though, just assumptions.

They could've perhaps politely hurried you, but then you might complain about that also.

You were right to apologise for not clocking the time.

Gardeningtime · 13/11/2023 11:23

Goodness you’re not a child. Take some responsibility and stop being so sensitive, if you know it takes you an age to eat them set sn alarm or something.

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:25

Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:21

If you knew it would take you a long time to eat why didn’t you extend the booking

or perhaps when someone started hovering checked the time?

Couldn't extend the booking.

And as I said just didn't think. Hovering annoys me tbh as it is so bloody British. So passive aggressive just say what you want, how hard is it?

OP posts:
Mammillaria · 13/11/2023 11:25

There are a myriad of polite ways waiters use to let people know their table will be needed soon. Hovering and whispering behind their back are not two of them.

The waiter should have handled it better.

Gardeningtime · 13/11/2023 11:25

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:25

Couldn't extend the booking.

And as I said just didn't think. Hovering annoys me tbh as it is so bloody British. So passive aggressive just say what you want, how hard is it?

Show quote history

How hard is it for you or your husband to understand when you need to leave by?

SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/11/2023 11:28

Jesus christ 1.5 hours in a restuarant? Didn't you have a watch or a clock on your phone or any sense of time that it was taking a lot longer to eat than usual? How on earth do you manage with lunch breaks at work? During Covid they gave people 45 min slots. That's an entire booking for the table they've lost!

And no it's not the restaurant staff's job to tell you to leave. In fact they are explicitly not supposed to do this as it is construed as rude.

He was probably apologising to the people who booked a table and couldn't have it for 30-45 minutes because you were sitting there, and instead of feeling bad you're wondering if you should choose to be offended about this?

savoycabbage · 13/11/2023 11:29

They have to get the next table in or they lose all that money,

It's normal to 'keep track of time' when you are doing almost anything.

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:29

Thanks for the responses, a different perspective is good. I understand it is annoying for maitre d, as I said I was enjoying and just didn't read the situation. It was an honest mistake but I hold my hands up should have watched the time.

I don't agree that 'hovering' around a table though is a way to achieve things. I actually think it is really rude.

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/11/2023 11:29

Next time, in the words of my late mum, stop your chopsing and get it eaten!

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:29

SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/11/2023 11:29

Next time, in the words of my late mum, stop your chopsing and get it eaten!

😂 true

OP posts:
Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:30

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:25

Couldn't extend the booking.

And as I said just didn't think. Hovering annoys me tbh as it is so bloody British. So passive aggressive just say what you want, how hard is it?

Show quote history

You were passive aggressive too

you saw a waiter hovering

your husband heard them saying things about you apparently

you know you take a while to eat but made no attempt to track the time even though you knew it was a set time and couldn’t be extended (therefore you knew someone else needed the table)

FestiveSandman · 13/11/2023 11:30

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:25

Couldn't extend the booking.

And as I said just didn't think. Hovering annoys me tbh as it is so bloody British. So passive aggressive just say what you want, how hard is it?

Show quote history

How hard is it to understand you can’t take ages?

Gardeningtime · 13/11/2023 11:31

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:29

😂 true

Show quote history

You were behaving worse, you both knew your time slot. Your husband saw him apologising to someone as you over stayed, you both saw him hovering politely waiting for you to finish as someone else was waiting for the table, and you chose to carry on.

FictionalCharacter · 13/11/2023 11:31

Mammillaria · 13/11/2023 11:25

There are a myriad of polite ways waiters use to let people know their table will be needed soon. Hovering and whispering behind their back are not two of them.

The waiter should have handled it better.

I agree. Yes the OP and husband should have checked the time, but then again it’s sometimes ok to go over the time because the table isn’t needed, and I’d expect a polite reminder from the staff if it was.

Expecting a customer to notice you “hovering” and realise that you’re trying in a pass-agg way to say “hurry up and piss off” isn’t good customer service. Just politely tell the customer what you need to say ffs.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/11/2023 11:32

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:29

😂 true

Show quote history

Fair play to you OP, this is the first AIBU I've seen all day where the OP has taken on board that they might possibly have been unreasonable.

Chalk it up to experience.

AgentProvocateur · 13/11/2023 11:32

1.5 hours for dinner at a nice restaurant is unreasonable. Aperitifs, starters, mains, bottle of wine, coffee…

I refuse to go to places where they give you a time limit.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 13/11/2023 11:33

SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/11/2023 11:28

Jesus christ 1.5 hours in a restuarant? Didn't you have a watch or a clock on your phone or any sense of time that it was taking a lot longer to eat than usual? How on earth do you manage with lunch breaks at work? During Covid they gave people 45 min slots. That's an entire booking for the table they've lost!

And no it's not the restaurant staff's job to tell you to leave. In fact they are explicitly not supposed to do this as it is construed as rude.

He was probably apologising to the people who booked a table and couldn't have it for 30-45 minutes because you were sitting there, and instead of feeling bad you're wondering if you should choose to be offended about this?

Wow, that's quite an over-reaction! We're not in Covid times now so mentioning 45-mins slots is pointless as this wasn't what OP had agreed to.

And op hasn't mentioned how long over their time they went, so why are you assuming 30-45 mins?

OP, the waiter was rude. He should be better able to manage a table of slow eaters.

TheresaCrowd · 13/11/2023 11:34

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:25

Couldn't extend the booking.

And as I said just didn't think. Hovering annoys me tbh as it is so bloody British. So passive aggressive just say what you want, how hard is it?

Show quote history

With the general public?

Very hard.

If they hover people moan, if they're direct people moan 🤷‍♂️

Stroopwaffels · 13/11/2023 11:34

Or on the other hand...

AIBU to have made a restaurant reservation and expect to get my table at that time? Turned up at 7pm for a booking and our table was still occupied by a woman and her male companion, she was eating very slowly and gabbing to the man she was with. AIBU to tell the waiter to chivvy them along a bit?

Stroopwaffels · 13/11/2023 11:35

Also @heynow1111 there are these magic gadgets called watches which tell the time. I understand most mobile phones have them too.

craniol · 13/11/2023 11:37

1.5hrs isn’t long enough in a nice restaurant of a standard to have a maitre’d. I hate these short bookings. You spend a fortune and then get booted out before you’re even finished!