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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant maître d' talking about us to other customers

234 replies

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:19

Went out for a meal with husband to a nice restaurant and booking was 1.5 hours. I am a slow eater and we were having a lovely time chatting so I wasn't clock watching.

In retrospect Maître d'/head waiter was hovering when I was close to finishing and I should have perhaps read this as they were rushing us to finish but I was so enjoying the meal and company I didn't register at the time.

Finished meal and Maître d'/head waiter said (in other words can't remember exactly) "sorry I've been waiting for you to finish, I didn't know what to do". I know they said sorry but you know when from someone's tone they are NOT sorry and what they said was more to point out you had annoyed them? At the time I felt really awkward and embarrassed like I should have been tracking the time or something? So I apologised.

After this had happened husband said that PRIOR to this, he had seen Maître d' talking behind their hand whilst looking at us and saying sorry. So talking about us whilst we were at that point totally unaware we had gone over time.

I think this could have been better managed by when we were coming close to end of our booking, saying excuse me, just to let you know you are coming to the end of your booking as we have another table at X time? I would have thought oh sh** and rushed up!

I completely get it must be annoying when customers go over on bookings and it must be complex coordinating everything but i thought it was handled unprofessionally. Just tell us you need the table now/soon rather than talking about us behind our backs to other customers and then informing us after the fact that we had 'held up' a booking? AIBU?

OP posts:
HaddawayAndShite · 13/11/2023 12:13

PuddlesPityParty · 13/11/2023 12:05

they have no idea what the staff member was saying they’re just assuming and making things up. Why would you risk someone getting in trouble at work for your own imagination?

Show quote history

The passive aggressive hovering and saying “I didn’t know what to do” in a situation that must happen at least once a shift is worth feeding back as it’s clear the wait staff haven’t got a clue how to do their job. The husband was obviously aware of the whispering, which would have made him uncomfortable. It’s not imagination to lay out the facts in an unemotional, logical way. If a place is going to sack someone for 1 piece of standard feedback it sounds like terrible management too… which would explain the poor service.

I suppose some peoples standards are lower than others though 🤷‍♀️

burnoutbabe · 13/11/2023 12:15

Restaurant sounds crap.

Surely they may gently suggest you have your desserts /finish off your drinks in the bar /lounge area if they need the table.

With a warning ahead of them doing that so it's not a surprise.

Tawlk · 13/11/2023 12:18

burnoutbabe · 13/11/2023 12:15

Restaurant sounds crap.

Surely they may gently suggest you have your desserts /finish off your drinks in the bar /lounge area if they need the table.

With a warning ahead of them doing that so it's not a surprise.

Have to agree with this also, a very good restaurant will know well how to handle this situation.

LimePi · 13/11/2023 12:19

I think this table turning system is ridiculous TBH especially in nice restaurants. This isn’t McDonalds and 1.5h is not enough.

MereDintofPandiculation · 13/11/2023 12:20

Jesus christ 1.5 hours in a restuarant? Didn't you have a watch or a clock on your phone or any sense of time that it was taking a lot longer to eat than usual? How on earth do you manage with lunch breaks at work? Lunch break at work is about having time to eat, a restaurant is about having a relaxing time with friends or partner. It's an event. But yes, if the booking is only 1.5 hours, then you should be aware of this and stick to it. Or find somewhere else in the first place.

CaineRaine · 13/11/2023 12:21

I think it could have been handled better by the waiter but you bear some responsibility for not putting two and two together with the hovering, your DH noticing the waiter and the fact you were presumably aware of the time slot. Sounds like the restaurant didn’t want to rush you and were clumsy in their handling, rather than anything maliciously meant.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 13/11/2023 12:21

Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:21

If you knew it would take you a long time to eat why didn’t you extend the booking

or perhaps when someone started hovering checked the time?

Genuinely curious about this - I've never once been asked how long I want the table for? Is this normal to question? Confused

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 12:21

I hold my hands up to say was it was an honest mistake yet there are comments from some saying I must have known xyz or “you wouldn’t like it if they told you the table was needed” when my previous posts quite clearly state that I didn’t know, and I wouldn’t be bothered if someone was straight up. 🙄

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/11/2023 12:21

Mari9999 · 13/11/2023 11:56

@heynow1111
The restaurant did say it clearly in the booking time. They were not making arrangements with a child. It was your responsibility to be mindful of the time. You and not them know that you are a slow eater, so that places the responsibility for being mindful of the time on you.

Hopefully, you added a bit extra to the tip to compensate for the inconvenience that you caused.

This. I have never been to a restaurant with a 1.5 time window. Always 2. But you knew the rules and chose to ignore them. It is irrelevant how it was for you abroad. You weren’t not abroad, you were in a restaurant, which stipulates a time window and by booking and eating there, you agreed to abide by it.

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 12:22

CaineRaine · 13/11/2023 12:21

I think it could have been handled better by the waiter but you bear some responsibility for not putting two and two together with the hovering, your DH noticing the waiter and the fact you were presumably aware of the time slot. Sounds like the restaurant didn’t want to rush you and were clumsy in their handling, rather than anything maliciously meant.

Completely accept this and thanks for your constructive feedback

OP posts:
Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 12:24

Puffalicious · 13/11/2023 12:12

I had an aunt like you- she was still eating her soup when we had almost finished our main course. She was delightfully dotty & the most beautiful person, but my God did it drive us all up the wall for years waiting for her to finish a course so we could all move on (at home too), so decision was taken to politely eat all of our next course whilst she was gabbing/ eating like a snail. When out she eventually ordered just one course, which worked well.

I forsee this will be you when you're older. Is your food not freezing?

Yes I’m somewhat like this and yes it’s cold. 😂

It’s something I will work on. Ie focusing on one thing at a time.

OP posts:
FindMyLocalSite · 13/11/2023 12:24

If you know you're a slow eater, then why do you book a restaurant that limits your stay to 1.5 hrs? Were you hoping they'd make an exception for you?? What's the next party who have booked the next slot meant to do??

RedToothBrush · 13/11/2023 12:24

Stop gabbing and eat then!

rileybelle · 13/11/2023 12:29

It's a bit inconsiderate OP. Sounds like the restaurant did their best in as non confrontational manner as possible.

Doteycat · 13/11/2023 12:29

I wouldn't and don't give my money to any restaurant that gives me a slot and then wants me gone by a certain time.
That's my preference. If I did go to one knowingly, then I'd make sure to be done in time.
But I wouldn't give them my business in the first place.

angowa · 13/11/2023 12:30

I just booked a table at a nice restaurant online and the confirmation specifically told me they'd need the table back by a certain time for another booking. That's the deal, it's a popular place so that seems reasonable to me. All I have to do is wear a watch and look at it now and then.
Should the waiter have said something rather than hovering? Yes. Should you have kept an eye on the time and eaten your meal in a timely manner? Yep.

amusedbush · 13/11/2023 12:32

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 13/11/2023 12:21

Genuinely curious about this - I've never once been asked how long I want the table for? Is this normal to question? Confused

Show quote history

They don't ask how long you want the table for, they give you a deadline when you're booking. I have been to a few restaurants where I had to agree to, for example, "bookings are 2 hours on Saturdays - table must be returned by Xpm" before I could confirm the reservation.

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 13/11/2023 12:35

I would definitely email the restaurant and tell them that the staff working that night need more training on how to talk to customers properly, how to remind customers of any time limits they may have per sitting.

What you experienced was just daft! Totally unnecessary. They could have avoided really easily!

1.5 hours really isn't all that long for a great meal out!

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 13/11/2023 12:38

I didn't even realise there could be a time limit (I must get out more).
An hour and a half doesn't seem very long for a nice restaurant, drink order, meal order, waiting for starters, mains and dessert, eating them then a coffee/drink.
Your post has given me food for thought 🤔

Boymum2104 · 13/11/2023 12:39

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:29

Thanks for the responses, a different perspective is good. I understand it is annoying for maitre d, as I said I was enjoying and just didn't read the situation. It was an honest mistake but I hold my hands up should have watched the time.

I don't agree that 'hovering' around a table though is a way to achieve things. I actually think it is really rude.

But it's also really rude to book a table for 1.5 hours, 'forget to watch the time' and put the waiter in that awkward situation of basically having to tell you to hurry up or leave

KatBurglar · 13/11/2023 12:39

All those posters saying they wouldn't accept a time limit...

You do know thw sector has been hit very hard and is struggling to keep afloat, don't you? They state when you make a reservation that the table is available for a set period in order to make bookings as efficient as possible.

My experience since the pandemic is that roughly half of restaurants I frequent have a time slot. It's usually 2h, in more casual places 90m. There's often also a deposit to protect against no-shows, which I find perfectly understandable.

If we value the restaurant industry, accepting such small measure that help keep them viable seems perfectly reasonable.

OnlyFannys · 13/11/2023 12:40

I don't think you are being unreasonable, it would have been helpful if they had given you a 10 or 15 min warning that they needed the table back, I think it's easy to lose track of time when sat enjoying a meal.

Pipsquiggle · 13/11/2023 12:41

To everyone watching your table - you will have come across as extremely entitled - as if your dining event was more important than the flow of the kitchen, the people who had booked the table next, the waiting staff.......
You were making everyone else's experience harder / less pleasurable.

So now you are aware, you know to:
Book a longer slot
Only order at most 2 courses
Be aware that hovering waiting staff means hurry up
Wear a watch

greenhydrangea · 13/11/2023 12:42

He was offering a subtle hint by hovering - it's not "passive aggressiveness".

It's not as if you were unaware of your booked time.

ManateeFair · 13/11/2023 12:46

You knew you had a ninety minute timeslot; this is on you, not the waiter.

The maitre d' had to 'talk about you to other customers' because, as the maitre d', it's his job to explain to the other customers why their table wasn't ready. The reason there table wasn't ready was that you booked a 90-minute table slot, knowing that they would need the table back, and then completely ignored it. So he had no option but to explain that to the other customers who were left waiting while you ate your dinner at the pace of a snail.