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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant maître d' talking about us to other customers

234 replies

heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:19

Went out for a meal with husband to a nice restaurant and booking was 1.5 hours. I am a slow eater and we were having a lovely time chatting so I wasn't clock watching.

In retrospect Maître d'/head waiter was hovering when I was close to finishing and I should have perhaps read this as they were rushing us to finish but I was so enjoying the meal and company I didn't register at the time.

Finished meal and Maître d'/head waiter said (in other words can't remember exactly) "sorry I've been waiting for you to finish, I didn't know what to do". I know they said sorry but you know when from someone's tone they are NOT sorry and what they said was more to point out you had annoyed them? At the time I felt really awkward and embarrassed like I should have been tracking the time or something? So I apologised.

After this had happened husband said that PRIOR to this, he had seen Maître d' talking behind their hand whilst looking at us and saying sorry. So talking about us whilst we were at that point totally unaware we had gone over time.

I think this could have been better managed by when we were coming close to end of our booking, saying excuse me, just to let you know you are coming to the end of your booking as we have another table at X time? I would have thought oh sh** and rushed up!

I completely get it must be annoying when customers go over on bookings and it must be complex coordinating everything but i thought it was handled unprofessionally. Just tell us you need the table now/soon rather than talking about us behind our backs to other customers and then informing us after the fact that we had 'held up' a booking? AIBU?

OP posts:
Bloom15 · 13/11/2023 11:39

YABU

Also - how
Over your allocated time were you? Up to 10 minutes or over?

I eat slow too but I wouldn't take that long! You'd be annoyed if you turned up for your reservation and the prior booking was still at your table.

SheerLucks · 13/11/2023 11:39

I absolutely do not agree with any of the responses so far on here!!

First off, I've never heard of a restaurant that gives a 1.5hr time limit - it's always been 2hrs minimum IME, and this would have put me off the booking in the first place.

Also I think you were treated appallingly - why did he not approach you when there was about 15 minutes to go?

He behaved so unprofessionally and completely compromised what was meant to be a nice experience for you both - it sounds like you probably paid quite a lot for it too.

I would have complained to the management there and then, so I think you should at least write to them.

I can't believe PPs would just put up with paying to be treated like that!

LostThestral · 13/11/2023 11:40

bit blown away by this - whenever I've booked a table I've been made aware of a time limit & expect to have the table for the evening (unless my booking is very very early)

SisterMichaelsHabit · 13/11/2023 11:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

ManchesterRoad · 13/11/2023 11:42

I don’t think you did wrong OP.

Firstly, 1.5 hours is not enough in a nice restaurant - you want to be able to enjoy it at a leisurely pace.

secondly, surely you are not the only person in the history of that restaurant to have slipped past the time limit. I’d expect the front of house staff to have training on how to handle it discreetly.

GCAcademic · 13/11/2023 11:42

LostThestral · 13/11/2023 11:40

bit blown away by this - whenever I've booked a table I've been made aware of a time limit & expect to have the table for the evening (unless my booking is very very early)

I've never come across a 1.5 hour time limit in a "nice" restaurant though. I think that's unreasonable. But I'd never have booked that in the first place.

Maddy70 · 13/11/2023 11:42

So the people after you were having to wait because you ignored the subtle hints he was giving you by standing near you etc.

You were told you had a time you needed to be out by

You were the rude one

DuploTrain · 13/11/2023 11:43

I think it’s perfectly fine for them to say to the next customers - I’m sorry there’s a delay with your table, we’re just waiting for the previous customers to finish. That doesn’t mean they’re talking “about you”.

I do agree it would have been better to for him to say something directly if you didn’t get the hint after all the hovering.

TheresaCrowd · 13/11/2023 11:44

It's totally irrelevant if people on this thread wouldn't use a restaurant with a 1.5 hour time slot.

The point is, the OP and her DH did.

Stroopwaffels · 13/11/2023 11:45

TheresaCrowd · 13/11/2023 11:44

It's totally irrelevant if people on this thread wouldn't use a restaurant with a 1.5 hour time slot.

The point is, the OP and her DH did.

And agreed to the 90 minute time slot when booking. It didn't come as a surprise to them when they arrived for their meal.

Ktime · 13/11/2023 11:46

1.5 hours is quite tight. Did you have 3 courses and wine and coffee?

Mylovelygreendress · 13/11/2023 11:47

I have been on the other side of this . Restaurant has 2 hour slots . DH and I booked for 8, arrived a couple of minutes early so waiter asked us to wait in bar area which we did . Ordered drink and waited . 10 minutes later , waiter came over , apologised and said previous customers were finishing up . They were aware someone was waiting. we could see them chatting and in no hurry .
Eventually got our table just after 8.30 . With a free bottle of wine !
If the time slot isn’t long enough for you , go somewhere else!

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 13/11/2023 11:48

I think YABU. You knew you had a limited booking yet you and your DH seemed totally oblivious to the hovering not to mention the time.

Sounds to me like you were hoping you would not be turfed out of your table if you kept you heads down and were still eating when the time was up.

12345onceIcaughta · 13/11/2023 11:48

You’re ignoring people who asked how long over did you go?

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:48

I just want to say I respect everyone's feedback and opinions and I think this just emphasises we all think differently / value things differently.

If timekeeping is something reastauranteers value in customers I WILL in future keep an eye and try not to be that annoying customer!

I prefer a direct approach and would never be offended by someone straight up telling me they need a table soon but again I appreciate some customers might be prickly about that so I can appreciate why he hovered

I wasn't checking my watch / phone because I don't look at my phone during meals. I could have worn a watch though. I agree timekeeping is an ESSENTIAL part of adult life but I was relaxing enjoying a meal not at work.

We recently came back from abroad and where we went to the culture is to eat leisurely, have many courses, relax with family so I think I was still in that mindset of time not being an issue

OP posts:
honeylulu · 13/11/2023 11:48

His passive aggressiveness was rude and unnecessary. Your slow eating would have been a pain, yes, when he was under pressure to turn the bookings over but he could have managed it much better.

I've been to a couple of places where they had a strict time limit. We were reminded on booking, then arrival, then once our orders arrived (in apologetic terms ie "I'm so sorry not to offer an extended slot but every booking is full tonight so we must keep everyone to their booked slot but hope very much you'll enjoy your time with us" etc. Then some expedient "passing by" topping up our wine etc. All fine and a polite way of keeping us aware of the limit.

AdoraBell · 13/11/2023 11:49

I would email the restaurant and let them know they were seen whispering behind their hands.

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:49

15 min

OP posts:
2Rebecca · 13/11/2023 11:49

If the booking was 1.5 hours you should have been clock watching and your husband should have asked you to stop chatting and eat up as your time was up.

Chillygilly2 · 13/11/2023 11:50

Have you named changed OP😂

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:50

honeylulu · 13/11/2023 11:48

His passive aggressiveness was rude and unnecessary. Your slow eating would have been a pain, yes, when he was under pressure to turn the bookings over but he could have managed it much better.

I've been to a couple of places where they had a strict time limit. We were reminded on booking, then arrival, then once our orders arrived (in apologetic terms ie "I'm so sorry not to offer an extended slot but every booking is full tonight so we must keep everyone to their booked slot but hope very much you'll enjoy your time with us" etc. Then some expedient "passing by" topping up our wine etc. All fine and a polite way of keeping us aware of the limit.

I would have been completely fine with this!

OP posts:
Stroopwaffels · 13/11/2023 11:51

AdoraBell · 13/11/2023 11:49

I would email the restaurant and let them know they were seen whispering behind their hands.

Really? I would imagine their reaction to that email would be "And?"

Gardeningtime · 13/11/2023 11:52

AdoraBell · 13/11/2023 11:49

I would email the restaurant and let them know they were seen whispering behind their hands.

No, really, you win the internet. That’s like something you’d do at school tell teacher 😂😂😂😂

Original poster
heynow1111 · 13/11/2023 11:54

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 13/11/2023 11:48

I think YABU. You knew you had a limited booking yet you and your DH seemed totally oblivious to the hovering not to mention the time.

Sounds to me like you were hoping you would not be turfed out of your table if you kept you heads down and were still eating when the time was up.

You're right. I should have said in my OP. We were sat there 100% aware that we were over the time and did not care - and so put our heads flat on the table in the hope that we would never be asked to leave.

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 13/11/2023 11:54

What sort of nice restaurant was this?
I've never been anywhere with a time limit.