Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

[CinnamonSwirl82]

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

Very glad to hear that you're safe now.

Same as poster above, I hope You've made safeguards at your mom's! I'm surprised he didn't come running back home when he saw the doorbell came disconnected.

I hope you're Ok, I'm pleased you went to your mums x

smallpox was declared extinct by the WHO in 1980. How old is your husband.

I have the vaccine and was born in 1989

@Kate8889

thats really interesting. Where did you have it done as according to the WHO website production of the vaccine was halted after it was declared smallpox had been eradicated. There is some of the vaccine left for research purposes in a couple of places in the world but that’s it really.

I stand corrected

"Many foreign-born persons have received the bacille Calmette-Guerin (BCG) vaccine for TB disease. This vaccine is administered at birth in many countries outside of the U.S. to prevent childhood tuberculous meningitis and miliary disease. BCG leaves a scar like the smallpox vaccine. But it doesn’t protect against smallpox."

I’m 50 and didn’t get the smallpox vaccine, I did get the BCG though

The Op is married to him, he must have shown legal documents to marry in the UK.

also the Op is in touch with his family, I’m sure she would notice if his mother called him Eduardo and she called him David.

@Kate8889

Im so disappointed 🤣

I was really interested.

@CinnamonSwirl82 I was pleased to read your update that you and the pets are safe.

Sending lots of love and strength to you

How old is he out of interest? Smallpox vaccine was stopped in 1971 as it has been pretty much wiped out. Was wondering about the 'bullet wound' you mentioned earlier.
Anyway, well done for getting away from him.

Don’t blame the victim! He was obviously a very calculated and convincing liar. The liar is to blame, not the person who believed them!

Nope, not a mental illness, the man is a psychopath.

She would, yes. But who's to say what he did in the past, when away from his mother? How does anyone know what other names he might go by, elsewhere. Point is, this is someone inherently untrustworthy so thinking you can guess who he 'really' is by saying 'is his name Patrick?' seems rather daft to me.

Gosh I’m so sorry OP. It’s not your fault, people like him are so clever. Even his mum doesn’t know him. Good luck and be safe

Glad you are safe.

Wow OP, I've just read your post, not full thread, and had to come on as I went on a few dates with a guy about 2 decades ago who did this! I am wondering if it is the same person, posh with initials GP? He took me on one (last) memorable date where he shouted at me and insisted I clamber under a fence through mud "like I did in the army" - was meant to be a nice walk in the countryside! It transpired he had never been anywhere near active service and was instead in an army band.

I spoke to him over the phone last night. At first he refused to speak to me unless it was face to face and obviously I told him he's not exactly in a position to be making demands.

Apparently it was a lie to impress me when we first started dating but then he didn't know how to tell me the truth. I told him that's clearly bullshit because he would bring it up all the time unprompted, add more little lies and told everyone around me. If it was a lie he was embarrassed about then he'd change subject if I brought it up.

He didn't seem remorseful in the slightest and told me he's glad I know as he feels much better now. Really glad to know he's feeling better about the situation. Number one priority, eh.

Long story short, I've not told him where I am and said I won't be returning until his ass is out of the house as I've no interest in a relationship with a pathological liar with a fucked up fantasy.

Well done @CinnamonSwirl82 you are a Queen. He feels better now pfffffft! He should have been sobbing, begging for your forgiveness, telling you how he wanted to earn your trust back again.

The fact that he's not remorseful is the key. Don't feel bad. I was married briefly to a grade A liar. I don't understand how people can live with a web of deception, but you are the trusting, innocent victim and never feel any guilt.

Wow @CinnamonSwirl82 he certainly doesn't care about you at all! Am glad you were able to do that at a safe distance over the phone.

Well done! Wishing you all the best for a speedy recovery and a lovely new life ahead of you.

Glad you're safe and well OP. I suppose that fact that he is actively delusional will be good for the time being - he can think it will just blow over while you recover and get your ducks in a row. At some point he will present with remorse and tears and woe to try and get you back, but please be careful about seeing him on your own. And be prepared to find he's lied about other things. Someone this committed and elaborate about a lie doesn't usually confine it to just one aspect of their life.

OP, given that he's such a liar, how will you be able to know for sure that he's left the house so you can return?

I wouldn’t go back to the house on your own, he sounds dangerous!