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Original poster

Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

563 replies

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 10:52

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 14/11/2023 02:55

Glad you are safe OP. When I first read this thread I was truly shocked that someone would do this, but apparently its not uncommon. My own DH served for over 30 years, and never talks about anything military related, even if asked.
It's quite scary how many strange and messed up folk there are out there. But so glad you got out, all the best

Nht14 · 14/11/2023 03:31

I'm so sorry you're going through all this! It's just beyond belief. So glad you're out of the house and safe at your mum's.

He sounds really calculated and manipulative, you are so much better without him.

321user123 · 14/11/2023 03:48

Glad you’re safe OP

JustCollateralDamage · 14/11/2023 04:42

If you suspect he could be angry be very very careful. It may be wiser to come up with an exit plan before you approach him. Keep him in the dark about what you know for now, especially until you heal from the surgery. Get important belongings together as others have suggested.

This is a massive cat out of the bag and could throw him into a kind of ego-implosion if he feels confronted or that it is a fatal blow to his reputation.

Could it be that this was a lie he told you early into dating and then felt he just had to go along with it... It might be an anomaly and he has since learnt from his mistake but is too embarrassed to confess. It is worth taking a very gentle empathetic approach in case this is the case. This doesn't mean you need to forgive him or even stay with him.

HappyHolidays22 · 14/11/2023 04:55

Trust your instincts OP. Good luck

BuntyCollocks · 14/11/2023 04:58

Christ. Glad you’re safe.

TrishyLou1111 · 14/11/2023 05:07

Keep us updated, OP.

Glad you are safe x

decionsdecisions62 · 14/11/2023 06:22

And this man is your husband 🤷‍♀️ why have you not cottoned on to his lying tendencies before now?

decionsdecisions62 · 14/11/2023 06:25

Ok read the full thread. He's a nut job. Glad you're out of it op.

RainbowNinja77 · 14/11/2023 06:35

JustCollateralDamage · 14/11/2023 04:42

If you suspect he could be angry be very very careful. It may be wiser to come up with an exit plan before you approach him. Keep him in the dark about what you know for now, especially until you heal from the surgery. Get important belongings together as others have suggested.

This is a massive cat out of the bag and could throw him into a kind of ego-implosion if he feels confronted or that it is a fatal blow to his reputation.

Could it be that this was a lie he told you early into dating and then felt he just had to go along with it... It might be an anomaly and he has since learnt from his mistake but is too embarrassed to confess. It is worth taking a very gentle empathetic approach in case this is the case. This doesn't mean you need to forgive him or even stay with him.

Please don’t take that approach. Abusive men are excellent at using other’s empathy and drive to ‘be nice’ to their advantage.

Stay away, get help, and uncouple your life from him with as much distance as possible. Do not give him any way back in.

Bertiesmum3 · 14/11/2023 06:46

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 22:35

I'm safe at mum's. It's been a long day so going to cuddle up with pets and try get some sleep.

Will update everyone tomorrow 💝

Glad you’ve got your mum to help you x
Hopefully you’ve managed to get some sleep
you’ve certainly done the right thing by leaving xx

minisoksmakehardwork · 14/11/2023 06:50

decionsdecisions62 · 14/11/2023 06:22

And this man is your husband 🤷‍♀️ why have you not cottoned on to his lying tendencies before now?

When the whole relationship has been built on a foundation of lies it can be very difficult to spot that any statement is a lie.

The foundational statement of being military is a lie and was accepted as truth. Therefore any indicators of a lie in other incidents become an indicator of truth instead.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 14/11/2023 06:54

Glad you have got out.
What an absolute arse he is, I am so sorry.

JFDIYOLO · 14/11/2023 06:59

Good morning OP

MomentOfCalm · 14/11/2023 06:59

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is incredible really but certainly some sort of mental illness in your husband which has created these pathological lies!

DaisyMaisyFaisy · 14/11/2023 07:01

Hope you managed to get some sleep OP. Make sure you look after yourself

Jifmicroliquid · 14/11/2023 07:03

What a strange man. Glad you are safe op x

ChannelNo19EDT · 14/11/2023 07:31

Glad your safe at your mum's. Focus on recuperation for the next week.

JazzHandsYeah · 14/11/2023 07:32

Morning Op, just read the whole thread and am gob smacked at his bare faced lies.
I’m so glad you had your mum to go to and I hope you got some sleep last night. Thinking of you x

drspouse · 14/11/2023 07:42

Pleased to see you and your pets are safe and sound.

Floralie222 · 14/11/2023 07:51

Wow, this is unbelievable. Just want to say you seem like a very strong woman to me, well done for getting out and safe when you're not physically well and in total shock. If you're able to keep up this approach throughout the next few days/weeks/months, just remember that your life is only going to get better from here :) Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery as well.

EatingSleeping · 14/11/2023 07:55

Well done for getting away. Right now it feels like you need a bit of time to recover physically so do take that time

And remember you have done nothing wrong here. What a testament to what kind of person you are that his own mum was prepared to stand with you

YellowAutumnLeaves · 14/11/2023 08:06

I’m so glad to see your update @CinnamonSwirl82 and that you’re safe at your mums with your pets. You did the right thing leaving and getting to a safe place.

maratara · 14/11/2023 08:15

I hope he doesn't know your mum's address!! WOuldn't that be the first place he'd look? Hope all is well

BardRelic · 14/11/2023 08:15

I realise all the 'is his name Paul?' posts are very unhelpful but they're also blackly funny. As if a man who can create an entire Walter Mitty backstory about military service will always stick with the same first name.

Do please stay away from him OP. I know you're safe for now, but don't meet up with him or see him again, except possibly with the police. He sounds very, very dangerous.

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