Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

[CinnamonSwirl82]

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

I'm safe at mum's. It's been a long day so going to cuddle up with pets and try get some sleep.

Will update everyone tomorrow 💝

Glad you and the pets are safe, sleep well.

Fantastic update, and huge well done for leaving and getting out safe and not letting him confront you un attended

I think you might have over reached with the 💝

Well done and glad you are safe. Sleep, speak to Mum, and deal with the rest another day.

Good, you have done the right thing. In the next couple of days speak to a solicitor regarding the house. Short marriage and no dependents usually mean you leave the marriage financially the same way you started.

Glad you and your furbabies are ok, and hope you can manage to get some sleep tonight.

Am sure your wee mummy is horrified. I would be if it was my daughter.

Stay safe xx

I've got a similar mark from when I had my TV booster jab at school. If anyone remembers the 6 pricks. If they faded we had to have a booster which was a huge needle not just a little jab that was pushed into then along your arm. Blooming hurt and went weepy.

Well done, OP. Good luck x

It almost sounds like you got together with my ex! I had a very similar experience only it didn't come out for much longer. It took a long time to fully process what had happened. Well done on getting away and getting safe. X

Sleep well.

F

Happy to hear that you're safe, OP.

Just read this whole thread (something I rarely do) and it brought back memories of a woman who was in my friendship group many years ago. She got involved with a man who claimed to be an airline pilot which I believe is quite a favourite with men who deceive with fake lives. He was rather elusive, always on "flights" to faraway destinations, in fact he was with his wife and kids out in the suburbs! I think if we are honest and would never dream of creating a fantasy identity then it is possible to just take things at face value. We don't set out to automatically disbelieve what we are told, especially in relationships.

Well done OP for getting to your mums. Your clarity is admirable and you have certainly done the right thing.
Stay safe and keep your head held high x

Glad you're safe 🤗
Sleep well, rest and recover.

Glad to hear that you are safe with your Mum, wishing you all the best

OP, my cousins husband did the same. Fabricated a whole upbringing and different nationality and lied for 6 years. It's out in the open now, but she's playing the long game and planning to rinse him for every penny.

Hobnob22,
I wish your cousin all the very best in getting everything that she wants!!

Glad you are with your mum. Get some rest.

Glad you're safely tucked up a Mum's. As my own mum used to quote to us when we were going through a 'storm': "Weeping endureth for the night but joy cometh in the morning".

What a frightening discovery, @CinnamonSwirl82.

You’ve been through so much long-term pain and frustration with your health, and have been walking on eggshells around this short-fused abusive man. To now learn that he is a pathological liar who duped you via his extensively detailed faux military/killing regurgitations is horrifying and truly beyond the pale. He is indeed dangerous.

His being aggressive to you after surgery, for which his mother confronted him, is very telling.

As an aside, his expert ability/compulsion to lie and fabricate sheds new light on his story that he had no idea he was sleeping snuggled up on the sofa with your ‘friend’ from 11:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m., when you discovered them…

@CinnamonSwirl82, well done for taking definitive action to protect yourself and your pups by seeking sanctuary at your mother’s home. You’re experiencing emotional shock in addition to the physical trauma of surgery. Focus on your rest and recovery, and contact a lawyer who can provide legal and financial guidance and will handle communication with your H about proceeding with divorce.

We had a Walt at our work who claimed to have been a lieutenant, out in Kosovo at one point.

Unfortunately for him, my husband was a trooper in the regiment that the Walt claimed. DH asked me to ask him whether the regiment motto was the same. (There had been an amalgamation.)

He couldn't remember it.

It was a reaaaaaaally long motto: Second to None.

I'll not put everything here, but this guy had cut the regimental badge out and stuck it on a photo of him and some pals paintballing, etc.

He kept using his 'army background' to impress vulnerable young women. Before I knew he was a Walt , I'd mentioned to the association secretary (at a dinner) that I had a former lieutenant in my dept.

The sec told me to invite him to join. When he declined, the sec got suspicious and did a bit of digging. Things got interesting...

My late husband had heart surgery. What the medics don't always make clear is that said surgery sometimes causes something that I heard one nurse referring to as 'pump head' - basically you can get personality changes, behavioural problems. Also PTSD.

I'm not excusing him being a Walt, but I wonder whether the OP's husband has been affected by this.

I befriended a neighbour 30 odd years ago. He was a looker, very confident, no sexual attraction on my part. He'd come over for dinner quite often. Went out for dinner with friends to celebrate their birthday and brought neighbour along. Of course he had misplaced his debit card. Next day birthday girl calls to tell me to be careful as my neighbour is a Billy Bullshitter. Following week it was his birthday and I popped over with a card and token gift. He didn't answer the door and I became worried. I'd been friendly with his ex wife when she visited him with their toddler. I caller her and she said pop over for a cuppa. On arrival her first words were * Army/ Navy/ Air force? !When I said Royal Marines she gave me a look and we were doubled up in laughter. He'd only gone and quit his job without telling anyone, got engaged in a woman 250 m8les away and planned and booked tge wedding when his wife was 8 months pregnant