Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

[CinnamonSwirl82]

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

Is his name James? An eerily similar thing happened with some neighbours 5/6 years ago. The lady involved with him ended up doing a runner with her lovely son because of it

Apt username 🙄

I met a similar weirdo called James a few years ago. Was he from London?

I had a BF who was a pathological liar. He made up family deaths and all sorts. He told workmates he had a dog. He wrote himself pretend notes from a 'girl who fancied him' to see if I would get jealous. He was also a coercive controller who tried to split me from my family and friends, and was abusive and violent. I don't know if these traits always go together but you sound scared, so I would tread very carefully.

Ex BF was also charming, plausible and outwardly lovely. It's hard when no-one else sees the weird behaviours.

Please get help and leave him. Even if he isn't violent (now), he is mentally unstable and not a good option for a relationship.

Good luck.

He had a very broad Essex accent, I didn't encounter him in London but home counties so possibly. He weaved a whole army story, injuries, ptsd. He did turn violent when it was all discovered. It was really scary!

He is a pathological liar. There will be other lies too I promise you. The army is an extremely common lie told by pathological or compulsive liars because of the kudos they perceive it gives them. My ex fiancé told the same lie amongst many others & I read loads about this.
So sorry OP- I also remember your previous post- his behaviour is awful. You know what to do. I wish you all the best with it x

Thinking of you op! Please do not hesitate to call the police if he starts harassing you.

This all seems very strange 🤔

@Lilatowney my friend was conned by a James (SE London) said he was in the military, turned out he was a builder, with a wife and children.

I'm confused I thought you were going to confront him?

I think OP wisely decided this wasn't the best plan of action. What would the point be, if it meant putting herself in potential danger?

After my divorce I was feeling a bit vulnerable and lonely and I met someone quite quickly- charming, fun, quite good looking and moved in with him after 4 months.

Turns out he had fed me a fair old bit of crap about his job, his past life , his bad drinking habit (which he hid very well initially)

I'm a smart gal and even then it's not always obvious picking up on these chronic bullshitters initially- and by the time you do it's often damn awkward to get out without immediate family support

Sending you big love, OP. Hope you’re ok

@Zonder yes I agree I was just unsure what's going on as she said her friend was coming over too or something. Hope she's ok

Hope everything is okay OP

Are you safe OP?

So if he’s never actually been in the forces what are the nightmares etc about? Is he faking all of it, i.e. pretending to have PTSD??? as if so 🤬.

I have CPTSD and other related problems, not military related, and I’d not wish it on anyone but for someone to pretend to have that…makes me so angry he deserves to have it!

Exactly you both own the house and will do until it is sold. You can’t make him go anywhere else. But your safety is your priority. Pack a bag and leave, don’t even confront him or speak to him about this he doesn’t deserve another second of your time. The sooner you are away you can focus on the new life you will get to have.

Really hope your ok OP, been thinking of you tonight

Helpful

I have a friend who married someone like this, as time went on the lies got out of hand. He "had been in the military" yet when someone attached to the army went to just chat with him at a party, he ran a mile. His whole fantasy background was a complete lie, unfortunately for my friend her In Laws just let him get on with his lies and never told her otherwise!
She had to part company with him, but then he started making up lies about her, which caused her numerous problems, so just be very careful OP!

Goodness, what a nightmare op, be safe.

You might be able to get an annulment or at least a quick divorce on the grounds of his behaviour and lies and yes short marriage they will give you your deposit back etc

It's better to have found it out.
How bizarre.