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Original poster

Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

563 replies

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 10:52

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 13/11/2023 19:32

penjil · 13/11/2023 19:22

As if the BCG (Tuberculosis) injection looks anything like a bullet wound scar! They are tiny, about ½ cm across.

A bullet wound is likely to be much much bigger, and not necessarily round either.

Your husband is playing you for a fool.

Edited

I had it decades ago and have no scar. Neither do my siblings.

Hopefully you are safe with your mum now @CinnamonSwirl82. Don't tell him where you are either.

Twistyripple · 13/11/2023 19:33

Hope your okay OP!

porridgeisbae · 13/11/2023 19:38

I had the BCG and have a small scar, think a lot of people do.

Apparently some other countries have the smallpox vaccine, which can leave a scar. But I'dve thought the placement of the scar would make it clear it was from a vaccine.

Some people are really expert at convincing others, though.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 13/11/2023 19:39

His lies are unravelling and he's not going to be very nice now he's been caught.

Well done OP for cracking on and out 💐

THEDEACON · 13/11/2023 19:45

Firstly you are not a fool and none of this is your fault your husband is a fantasist and aggressive Don't confront him on your own Call the police domestic abuse department and ask for advice

Cowhen · 13/11/2023 19:48

Hoping you are safe and wishing you the best, OP. What a shock for you!

THEDEACON · 13/11/2023 19:53

Glad you've planned your escape

RainbowNinja77 · 13/11/2023 19:54

I hope you are safe and well. What a shocking day! He sounds awful and it sounds like you e known that for a long time, but haven’t wanted to face it. I get that. I didn’t want to face how awful my ex was because I was scared of giving birth alone.

please keep us updated and never, ever fall for anything he says in the future.

Good luck and God bless Mums!

LadyLolaRuben · 13/11/2023 19:56

Best of luck OP. Hope you and your pets are safe now x

trainboundfornowhere · 13/11/2023 19:57

Hoping you are safe now OP.

RainbowNinja77 · 13/11/2023 19:57

penjil · 13/11/2023 19:22

As if the BCG (Tuberculosis) injection looks anything like a bullet wound scar! They are tiny, about ½ cm across.

A bullet wound is likely to be much much bigger, and not necessarily round either.

Your husband is playing you for a fool.

Edited

Is this comment entirely necessary?

BrieEncounter · 13/11/2023 20:00

penjil · 13/11/2023 19:22

As if the BCG (Tuberculosis) injection looks anything like a bullet wound scar! They are tiny, about ½ cm across.

A bullet wound is likely to be much much bigger, and not necessarily round either.

Your husband is playing you for a fool.

Edited

OP has said it's not BCG so no need for this sneery comment

Banana1979 · 13/11/2023 20:02

If he has never been physically abusive to you, what makes you think he will start being abusive now? He will probably get angry and shout because he’s been caught out. Is there somewhere you can stay for the night? Don’t stress yourself out you have just come out of surgery and are recovering. You need someone to look after you is there anyone that can be with you at home ? Even if you approach this with him it’s unlikely he will tell the truth tbh , you need to find out why he lied in the first place, was it to portray a masculine image of himself ? Was he trying to impress you ? Or is he on the spectrum and does these things on a regular ? As for him cuddled up on the sofa with your friend, I would’ve kicked him out just for that

saythatagaintome · 13/11/2023 20:09

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 11:21

House is jointly owned but he'll be damned if I'm the one leaving it. We only recently bought it and I sold my property to pay the deposit.

We're married and were talking kids... why wouldn't I trust the guy. I'm a fool.

Hun, you need to protect yourself. Don’t be sloppy with this, specially as you’ve mentioned needing to hide knives.

do you have family you can go to and visit? You can always recover money… but you can’t recover your life if you’re dead…

I would make arrangements to leave and list your home. Get your money back, cut ties… do not procreate.

Imperfectp3rf3ction · 13/11/2023 20:17

Did you get somewhere safe ?

drspouse · 13/11/2023 20:25

PLEASE WILL PEOPLE READ THE THREAD before telling OP why she's wrong/why she needs to leave/not to have children with this man.

Smileycup · 13/11/2023 20:39

Hope you are OK. Well done for getting out of there.

JANEY205 · 13/11/2023 20:43

Nobody actually in the military speaks like this. Nobody would be talking about killing kids etc like that. Red flag all over this! Just get rid of him. Surgery or not. If it was a lap and you have endometriosis btw it doesn’t have to mean infertility xx

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 13/11/2023 20:45

I KNOW this isn't about us but if you could just pop back to quickly let us know your safe op?

AcrossthePond55 · 13/11/2023 20:45

@CinnamonSwirl82

Hoping you are now safe and tucked up at your mum's. Put yourself first, you don't need to speak to him or explain anything to him. Now is the time for you to be as calm as you can be.

Update here if you wish, don't if you'd rather not. I wish you well in the future. You'll get through this, I know you will.

FictionalCharacter · 13/11/2023 20:45

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 13/11/2023 20:45

I KNOW this isn't about us but if you could just pop back to quickly let us know your safe op?

She said she will when she's ready.

jenn88 · 13/11/2023 20:49

Hoping your home with your Mum safe and well! Xx

SequentialAnalyst · 13/11/2023 21:04

Thank God you left. This man sounds dangerous.
Sending strength and BrewBrew

Mamabear2424 · 13/11/2023 21:04

Isnt it illegal to say you have been in the army and not? what an idiot he is

PainPeas · 13/11/2023 21:05

SoUtterlyDoneIn · 13/11/2023 17:54

I promise I am not in any way trying to do that.

I'm not a detective so I don't know how to approach this conversation, but it all sounds, sadly, very familiar and if it's the same person he is a real concern and being near him when he is "busted" may be a bad idea ( and also the police are probably interested in his whereabouts )

Show quote history

Yes, and it sounds scarily identical, almost word for word (and I am NOT exaggerating) to what I went through with my abuser. I would put physical money on it being him because it's the same story, but I'm not on here asking OP "Is his name Dave, did he have a beard, was he 5ft tall, was he from this specific outing area".

If he is a massive danger and a concern then badgering OP for more outing details on a public thread is irresponsible and dangerous. Maybe just drop it and accept their are thousands of dangerous and manipulative men out there pretending they have combat PTSD?