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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

563 replies

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 10:52

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

OP posts:
Glassofwino · 13/11/2023 18:24

Really hope you’re okay!

IDontLikePinaColadas · 13/11/2023 18:27

Hope you’re ok! Well done for getting out. Xx

Andbreatheee · 13/11/2023 18:28

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 11:08

Honestly I've not even touched the surface of everything he's told me about it!!

I don't know the name of it, but apparently it's common outside the UK. I don't want to give too many details as I don't want to be identifiable

BCG! You get given it for TB - I have the same scar.

Psychoticbreak · 13/11/2023 18:32

BCG where I am from is given in the arm.

Psychoticbreak · 13/11/2023 18:32

Apologies actualy that should read the vaccination against BCG is given in the arm here (Ireland)

Meeting · 13/11/2023 18:36

I wish you all the best OP. You've acted really sensibly which is admirable considering everything you're going through.

Doggymummar · 13/11/2023 18:36

Oof scary story

BlueGrey1 · 13/11/2023 18:40

Good luck! Stay safe

neilyoungismyhero · 13/11/2023 18:40

Why do you need to bring the army up at all OP? It may be a trigger for him to kick off as others have said. Could you not just sit down with him and say the relationship isn't working for either of you maybe mention friend on sofa incident and tell him you think at this early stage a divorce would be the best way to go for both if you..
See what comes of that and gauge his reaction maybe.. at a later date when hopefully he's moved out and you're in a stronger health position you can tell him you know what lies he's been feeding you. Baby steps to get rid of the arse.

drspouse · 13/11/2023 18:44

neilyoungismyhero · 13/11/2023 18:40

Why do you need to bring the army up at all OP? It may be a trigger for him to kick off as others have said. Could you not just sit down with him and say the relationship isn't working for either of you maybe mention friend on sofa incident and tell him you think at this early stage a divorce would be the best way to go for both if you..
See what comes of that and gauge his reaction maybe.. at a later date when hopefully he's moved out and you're in a stronger health position you can tell him you know what lies he's been feeding you. Baby steps to get rid of the arse.

RTFT

ElsieMc · 13/11/2023 18:44

My dd's ex said he served in the army and we had absolutely no reason to doubt it. But some of it just did not ring true at all. No former army colleagues at their wedding, although he said some lived nearby nor any pictures nor information. Bizarre, exaggerated stories and despite living at home, when he left the army he was absolutely skint. Maybe all explainable....

They split up a while back, I still see him but your DH has given you a whole lot more info than ex SIL did with us. This is pretty scary stuff op and I hope you are away now and safe.

MustWeDoThis · 13/11/2023 18:47

OP - Have you married someone from abroad? He's starting to sound like one of these foreigners who marry well-to-do women and become a cocklodger, gaslighter, narcissist.

Do let us know you got to your Mum's safely!

Sauvblanctime · 13/11/2023 18:49

Crikeyyy! Just caught up, hope you’re ok op! I would file for divorce and never go back. Legal advice tomorrow & go from there.

Runnerinthenight · 13/11/2023 18:54

SoUtterlyDoneIn · 13/11/2023 17:54

I promise I am not in any way trying to do that.

I'm not a detective so I don't know how to approach this conversation, but it all sounds, sadly, very familiar and if it's the same person he is a real concern and being near him when he is "busted" may be a bad idea ( and also the police are probably interested in his whereabouts )

Show quote history

Look, there's no need for details.

Posters have already advised the OP to protect herself from him in case he turns violent, and has taken steps to do that. We assume that the potential is there.

Trying to elicit details like this isn't helpful.

HarpieDuJour · 13/11/2023 18:55

You are right to leave with your mum, OP. He has gone to considerable trouble (presumably fake discharge booklet, for example) to build up his lie, and he will be unstable when he realises that he has been found out.

I hope you are safe now.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/11/2023 18:55

Blimey... his names not Alan?

I met a guy like this at school and he was talking fantasy bullshit at 15... at 18 i bumped into him again and the lies had escalated exponentially. A few years later he showed up in some scottish newspapers, pretending to be a veteran, wearing someone elses medals, having lied to and conned a number of women along the way.

The level of research and effort these Walters will put in is incredible, its like a full time job for them and if they think you're picking they can get REALLY nasty. Stay safe OP!

hellhavenofury35 · 13/11/2023 19:04

Stay safe OP

IWantAShitzu · 13/11/2023 19:08

Just wanted to post and send you a big hug. You’re so brave xx

Figgygal · 13/11/2023 19:11

Blimey op what a thing to lie about
Hope you're with your mum now

BirthdayRainbow · 13/11/2023 19:14

I hope you are safe with your mum now.

Lilatowney · 13/11/2023 19:18

Hope you are ok OP 💐

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 13/11/2023 19:21

Hope you're safely at your mum's, OP.

penjil · 13/11/2023 19:22

As if the BCG (Tuberculosis) injection looks anything like a bullet wound scar! They are tiny, about ½ cm across.

A bullet wound is likely to be much much bigger, and not necessarily round either.

Your husband is playing you for a fool.

porridgeisbae · 13/11/2023 19:28

I imagine OP will be far more skeptical in future having gone through this. But being conned/lied to happens to a lot of us.

Meowandthen · 13/11/2023 19:30

Amazingly arrogant to think he’d get away with these lies forever. Did you ever wonder why he didn’t have any photos of his (fake) military service or did he make those up too?

Hope you are safe and wish you the best of luck,