Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

[CinnamonSwirl82]

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

Ask the police for a Clare’s law so you know all you can know - this is a really good idea.

I hope you're safely away now. Don't go back to the house to collect stuff or any thing else without back up, and preferably with police back up. He sounds unhinged and dangerous.

Jeezus H christ in a dress!!!!! that is some bloody lie to be living his life with!!!!!! you keep doing the right thing and look after you. keep us up to date with this horrendous thing you are going through!

Remember any pet meds or pet paperwork, like insurance.
passport, bank cards, certificates ( birth, marriage )

your house insurance won’t cover him destroying your stuff

We’re all behind you OP, and here when you need to chat or offload. You don’t need to answer anything you don’t want to

I think you are doing the right thing op. Good luck.

I am so, so glad to see you are you are leaving. My advice was based on you seeming like you wanted to stay and confront him and is the best I could offer other than "Just leave" because I know that's hard and sometimes not actually possible.

Well done OP. Make sure all communication is in text and don't let him control the narrative.

I cannot imagine what you are going through. Another who is looking forward to knowing you are safe.

Do he and his mother have red hair?

Has he also claimed to have been involved with organized crime?

You are truly amazing!! Well done. Stay strong xx

Name changed for this

Just FYI to everyone asking "does he have" etc.

It's highly unlikely to be the same person you were victim to. There are SO many of these shitheads, tons of threads about them, all with extremely similar narratives.

I'm not joking when I say OP's post almost exactly mirrors mine. If he wasn't British I would absolutely be wondering if OP was talking about my Ex.

I hope you have all managed to heal from your own experiences but please lets use this thread to support OP with HER shithead, not try and dig details because you think it's the same person (it's really not).

Stop trying to out the OP when she's made it clear that she doesn't want outing!

Well done op. Stay strong!

I've already seen someone ask the same name as the person I'm thinking of, and the reason I ask is not just because he is a parasitic fantasist and I want to compare notes, it is because he is EXTREMELY violent

Just wanted to say you are not alone my ex told me he had joined up at 17 ( he was late thirties) and spent a decade in the army. He actually got married young and had 2 dc I didn’t know about. He didn’t declare previous marriage on the form you fill out pre marriage.

Kids would be adults now and half siblings to my dc. I never managed to get to the bottom of anything. As after we separated it was “none of my business”

I kept the house and decided this was not mine to deal with and moved on.

@SoUtterlyDoneIn In that case you want to keep his name OFF this thread. It would be catastrophic if the OP’s H or his friends found it.
PLEASE everyone, stop asking for more details. There’s already too much on this thread.

I promise I am not in any way trying to do that.

I'm not a detective so I don't know how to approach this conversation, but it all sounds, sadly, very familiar and if it's the same person he is a real concern and being near him when he is "busted" may be a bad idea ( and also the police are probably interested in his whereabouts )

One thing which worries me a bit is that the documentation found could relate to National Service, given that the person concerned isn't a British National.

There are wider issues in the relationship, clearly, but it may be the case that the person concerned has stated that he 'served in the Army' in his country, having actually completed a period of National Service which he was obliged to do as a National of his country.

Yes, that makes complete sense.

Ok, OP if the answer to my question was yes, treat him as someone you (and anyone else) avoid being near at all, contact the police.

His own mother has confirmed that he has never served in the army.

And to add to my previous response, thank you for pointing this out

That's true, what concerns me though is that his Mum and the poster speak different languages and I wonder whether his Mum thought she was being asked about him being a career soldier in the country's Army and didn't think that a short period of National Service was the same thing.

I'm not sure about how fluent his Mum's English is.

I admire your strength OP.

Well done for getting out and I hope things work out without too much upset 💐

No one doing national service would have had the time to do all the things the OP says he has talked about.

To be honest - What he's done is criminal. I think lying about being a soldier is an offense, marrying someone under flase pretences, aquiring assets/property under the act of deceit and deception is entrapment and fraud.

You need to get on to CAB, maybe report him to the army? Get legal advice from the police etc. Put an enjunction out on him, block all bank cards, move all of your money etc...I would do that before speaking to him.