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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

563 replies

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 10:52

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 13/11/2023 15:50

Please people, stop fishing for details. We don’t need them. People are asking this man’s name, hair colour, what the operation and vaccination were, his regiment (that he was lying about), the country he supposedly served in. All of this could be identifying. MN threads are searchable on Google.

@CinnamonSwirl82 if you’re still reading, you might want to get this thread deleted, and start a new one when you’re safe.

RobotSkyscraper · 13/11/2023 15:56

LEAVE OP!!!!
That was my first thought and everything I’ve read since has made me more scared for you. Please stay in a hotel as far away as you comfortably travel with your surgery pain. You can get sort the house out with solicitors etc - please don’t take the chance of staying.
has anyone asked if the MIL could be lying ? Not sure why but she might have her own agenda. Either way, he still sounds dangerous so please run as fast as you can. 💐

Lovelyjubbbly · 13/11/2023 15:57

🩷

Sealover123 · 13/11/2023 15:59

Stay safe OP! Please take your fur babies with you, I'd hate to think of what he could do to them in a fit of anger 🙏🏻

Christine7 · 13/11/2023 16:01

CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 15:45

He'll be home around 6ish. Mum should only be about another 15/20 minutes give or take. I've been playing it normal with him over text when he's been asking about my day and I'm glad I disconnected the ring doorbell so he can't see me leave.

I'm going to sign off now so I can pack my laptops up and make sure I've got the essential documents. Thank you everyone for your support. I didn't think I'd ever be going through this but it's amazing what life throws at you.

I'll try keep an eye on messages on my phone but I'll update everyone when I'm safe & settled.

x

I’m glad to hear that you are going to your mums.

I would STRONGLY urge you not to confront him in any way. Men like him can be very dangerous when they feel they have lost everything.

Also you don’t want him to trash your house or any of your personal belongings while you are away. Id take as much as you can without arousing his suspicion. Especially Anything of sentimental value like photos.

Get your mum to distract him in another room while you hide them in your bag amongst clothes.

Men like him will destroy anything they can to hurt you. Does he know what you care about most ? If so then take it.

Trust me I’ve been there. please don’t think “ Oh he would never do X” .

Lie to him about why you are going to your mothers , says it’s to recover from an infection / burst stitches as Pp have said.

If he asks if there is anything wrong say no, it’s just you are in pain etc

Force yourself to kiss him goodbye / say that you love him, whatever you normally do. Don’t give him any clues.

I know you want to so much but you will regret it later. Now is not the time for revenge.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 13/11/2023 16:06

Take any pets if you’ve got them. Don’t risk it.

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 13/11/2023 16:07

I've got my pets, they're the most important thing. Everything else is just material and can easily be replaced. My photos are all digitised and on my laptop which I'm taking with.

I'll be okay... one way or another.

OP posts:
drspouse · 13/11/2023 16:09

Well done and good luck with your exit.

JFDIYOLO · 13/11/2023 16:13

Pets, laptop, phone, chargers, passport, money/credit cards, house keys, medication/ dressings, nightie, change of clothes, toothbrush

RakiBB · 13/11/2023 16:14

Oh my god. I was going to ask the very same question…

JFDIYOLO · 13/11/2023 16:14

Please say when you're in the car then safely arrived at mum's.

RakiBB · 13/11/2023 16:17

Volvooo · 13/11/2023 14:09

Is he called Patrick?

Oh my god. I was going to ask the very same question…

Energeticsnail · 13/11/2023 16:17

RING DOORBELL

Please remember that even though your ring doorbell is on charge it may pickup movement and voices in the house so just be mindful of this when your mum gets there. Good luck.

TheChosenTwo · 13/11/2023 16:20

FictionalCharacter · 13/11/2023 15:50

Please people, stop fishing for details. We don’t need them. People are asking this man’s name, hair colour, what the operation and vaccination were, his regiment (that he was lying about), the country he supposedly served in. All of this could be identifying. MN threads are searchable on Google.

@CinnamonSwirl82 if you’re still reading, you might want to get this thread deleted, and start a new one when you’re safe.

I thought the same, OP clearly doesn’t want to be identified so questions like “is he called Tom?” aren’t very helpful! So what if it’s the same person, she needs to get the fuck out of there and to safety.

MrsPinkL · 13/11/2023 16:23

Why are people asking his name, what he looks like etc? Some of you really need a life Beyond mumsnet. Do you not understand that these kind of details along with what this thread is about could well make it easy to know who this thread is about if you knew them and op is not currently safe from a man that given his lying history maybe a little unstable.

OP once you’re all safe, I’d ask mumsnet to delete this thread and then start one in relationships for further advice if you need it. Took many details and nosy nellies on this thread

ladycarlotta · 13/11/2023 16:32

Hoping you are now with your mum and on your way to safety. Well done for getting out. What a horrendous situation to be in.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 13/11/2023 16:35

I'm so relieved your DM is coming to pick you up
Rest and let her look after you
Everything can and will be sorted when you're feeling stronger

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 13/11/2023 16:42

I bet your dm is biting her tongue that she had her doubts about him.. Good you are going op... Stay safe.

anonqrtb · 13/11/2023 16:47

Side note - well done you for standing so strong and logical through this life shattering news. Whilst also covering from what sounds like a very emotional surgery.

I don't know you from adam, but i do know from the few posts you've made that you are going to be just fine.

Well done you, you are an inspiration for many! 💐

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 13/11/2023 16:48

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 13/11/2023 16:42

I bet your dm is biting her tongue that she had her doubts about him.. Good you are going op... Stay safe.

That's not helpful really is it

Mylovelygreendress · 13/11/2023 16:49

By any chance are you in East Scotland . He sounds VERY like the ex of one of DD’s friends .,

Jazzandblues · 13/11/2023 16:50

If and when you confront him, make sure it's a public place. He sounds dangerous. Wishing you all the best op.

thatbigbear · 13/11/2023 16:51

well done, well played...let your mum look after you for a bit and then decide what to do/what order to do it in xxx

CatamaranViper · 13/11/2023 16:53

Mylovelygreendress · 13/11/2023 16:49

By any chance are you in East Scotland . He sounds VERY like the ex of one of DD’s friends .,

Can people please stop asking for details like this when OP has made it very clear she doesn't want to be outed for obvious reasons?!

Ferdinando · 13/11/2023 16:54

You’ve got this OP. What a weirdo to lie about such a thing. He’s clearly dull as dish water to have to make up this elaborate life he once supposedly had.
I’d be doing the same as you and fleeing to my mums. In fact, many years ago, when I left my ex, I left him a note saying ‘you’re a gaslighting, narcissistic shit head. I’ve left you. Move out in your own time. I won’t be coming back until you’re gone!’ I went to my mums with the baby. He moved out. And I lived happily ever after.
Us mumsnetters are right behind you 💪🏻