to expect dd to tolerate her brothers playing while she's trying to sleep?

[Mastmw7g]

My 10 year old likes to sleep late, but her brothers wake up early and play in the mornings. They make noise when they play. I think it's a good thing because they're spending time together and not on screens. But dd keeps getting upset that they wake her up. Then she comes out of her room and it starts a fight and dh gets upset because that wakes him up and he also likes to sleep late.

@jannier how have you come up with that he a lazy shit ? Just because he wants to sleep in one morning? OP has not told us anything else about him, what he does at home or his job etc

Just get the boys to play downstairs on weekend mornings instead. You clearly have larks and owls in your family so consideration is needed on both sides. Its horrid being woken up like that, would you accept your dd making noise at 9pm keeping them awake? Thats a reasonable time in my book for it not to be silent but would be inconsiderate in your household.

There's a difference between expecting people to tiptoe round the house at 8am (unreasonable) vs expecting them not to be making lots of noise right next to someone's door.

No it is a need, not a choice.

I used to teach in a secondary that started at 9.30 to accommodate this. More and more evidence is coming through that teens who are forced to get up early are sleep deprived.

If I was your dd I would be "playing loudly" when my brothers are in bed early.
Sauce for the goose...

Neither body clock is a virtue or a vice.

Larks don't get moral
High ground.

@GonnaGetGoingReturns We're in a house. It does seem like sending the boys downstairs to play is the best solution.

I don't understand why getting up early is seen as virtuous while getting up late (and then completing exactly the same number of tasks!) is seen as lazy.

I am autistic and have ADHD. There has been a tonne of research on delayed circadian rhythms in ND people and I have never been happier than during lockdown, where I was WFH and trusted to set my own working hours. I slept from 2am to 10am, completed all of my work in the afternoon/evening, and felt more rested, energetic and generally well than I have in my life. My chronic illnesses didn't flare up and I recovered from prolonged burnout. I'm back to the "lark" work schedule and it's miserable if you're not wired for it.

Even when I was a newborn, my mum quickly learned to put me to bed much later than most babies and I'd sleep through to mid-morning. Apparently my dad had to wake me at 6am for a bottle and change, then I'd be right back off to sleep.

"Go to bed earlier!" doesn't work for everyone. No matter how tired I am, my body will not go to sleep early.

Going to bed late and getting up late at the weekend is a choice, not a need.
OP is not talking about a school day.

If that's true then it also works the other way - it's a choice to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier.

@Blondeshavemorefun My 12 year old puts himself to bed at 8. He has his own room. It's just his way. He goes to sleep early, wakes up early, and then I'll ask if he's hungry and he'll say no to eating until 7 when he eats on weekdays.

No it’s not in teens!Thry are programmed to be owls. It’s to do with the brain growing.

It makes it harder for them to fall asleep early and harder to get up early. Their body clocks change in adolescence.

Stop being obtuse.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

She comes out of bedroom causing the arguments that wake her previous father up, she's a pain!

Not surprised I'm not the only one calling her a princess? Light hours and the ones we're supposed to be awake during, in case you were not aware of that 🙄!

@Itwasafterallallaboutme I have no idea what time I would be getting up if I was on my own. I'm dealing with my own hormone fluctuations that bring me out of sleep at odd times. DH actually does a lot of the housework despite sleeping so late, so I have a great deal of free time in the mornings and look forward to my boys waking up, though my 12 year old basically acts like I'm intruding on his alone time by talking to him and asking if he's hungry so long before he wants to eat. My 6 year old is far more enthusiastic about me saying "Good morning."

Considering most teens and 10/11 year olds go to school, meaning they wake up early, tells me whether they’re programmed to be night owls or not, they’re capable of getting up early. So it is a choice.

@Onethingatatime23 just wait. Someone will be along to extol the virtues of a 10 mile 6am walk with puddlesuits, torches and flasks of soup next. People who enjoy warmth and comfort on a winter morning are softies with no get up and go 🙄 There's nothing wrong with a weekend lie in and not having a packed schedule every day. Compromise needs to be found in a home where everyone does not have the same preferences.

But it affects their school performance. So it’s choice in that respect, but not best for good academic results. So yeah as adults we are happy to let teens underperform.

@1990thatsme DH works, but not shift work. He goes to bed between midnight and 2am. I'd never call him lazy as he does so much around the house and carries the mental load. I do wish I didn't lose energy late at night so we could spend more time together without kids, but I always feel so tired by the time kids are going to bed.

It´s a choice to go to bed earlier and wake up later.

According to some people on here, you’re evidently doing it all wrong Op!

you should all be getting up at 6am so you can be out the door for 7am doing some activity and having ‘faaaaamily time’ otherwise half the day is over and you’ve wasted the weekend!!

But why do they have to wait for their dad and their other sibling? If they want to go out, leave them behind and let them sleep in. I can see it would be a problem if both parents were raring to go and one child was holding everything up, but you have one parent happy to get up earlier, one not so who can look after the child who feels the same - where’s the problem?

Do the “But half the day is gone!” crowd never take their kids to things like soft play, the cinema, bowling, swimming - activities where it doesn’t matter what it’s like outside? Does every activity have to be outdoors in daylight? Do none of their kids want to go to a bonfire, trick or treating or to the Christmas markets at this time of year?

Plus, I can’t believe everyone wants EVERY Saturday to be a hotbed of activity. There must be times when even the most active families just want to watch telly with the duvet cover over them.

@Whiteday why does it bother you so much that other people choose to sleep in? It really doesn't affect you in any way. You sound judgemental.

@jannier DH does most of the housework and cooking. He does his share of childcare, too. On weekdays he gets up at 7 to give our 12 year old breakfast before he takes his morning medicine and then DH goes back to bed until it's time for our 12 year old to go to school. Then I mostly handle the morning routine of getting the younger two up, which is mostly me telling my 10 year old what she has to do while she protests and says school should never have been invented. I get my 6 year old dressed and feed the two of them. Then DH gets back up and gives my 6 year old his morning medicine and takes them to school. He has a morning meeting he calls into and then he goes back to bed until he wakes up later and starts really working.

Of course it's normal.

So what do you propose? That we should just let our children wake up when they want, go into school late because of their changing body clocks?

But naturally if you go to bed earlier, then you wake earlier.