To ask social services to take my child?

[Outandabout43]

I've reached breaking point.

DH and I are in the process of buying a shared ownership, have the deposit by yhe skin of our teeth. Pretty much been sold a lie, house has been pushed back and pushed back.

LL gave us notice in our old house 3 months ago, Father said we could live there, appreciated the offer but knew it wouldn't work. Cut a long story short, had nowhere else to go and had to stay there. Was supposed to be 3 weeks, we are now on week 13.

Father is and always has been a bully. Used to physically and emotionally ebuse my mum and ruled the house with threats and violence, I grew up woth significant mental health problems and left the house as soon as I could after DM passed away.

I could probably cope living at father's just me and DH but we have a 3 year old. Father and DC do not get on, he will constantly try to tickle her or call her jocky names when she is trying to play and now she doesn't want to speak to him, I've tried telling her to be kind but quite honestly I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to him. Now he keeps threatening to smack (has never touched her) her and keeps telling her she is naughty, every day he shouts at me and tells me it's my fault she is like she is. I've told him not to do this, but he has told me I know where the door is. Now it's like he purposely goes out his way to wind her up so he can shout at her and me.

I'm at the point I'm in tears every day and even I'm telling DD off constantly when to me it's not deserved. I need to safe guard my child and not have her constantly threatened and shouted at but we have no where else to go, air B&B is to expensive, have no other family and if we private rent and house completes then we have to properties to pay for, can't pull out of house because we are then liable for 10% as already exchanged. I've called the council saying we are homeless and they have said there is nothing we can do as we have exchanged on property and have savings (deposite)

I'm currently sat with DD in the car after she was crying because she couldn't sleep and dad came in screaming at us both that he has to get up for work.

AIBU to call SS and ask them to take her because right now I can't see any other option.

You feeling ok hun?

IME the people who spout the kind of bollocks above about how SS take children who aren’t at risk, and how awful they are etc etc are generally the types who have had their own children removed and won’t acknowledge that they’re in the wrong.

Like my DP’s biological mother who swears blind that she’s an innocent victim of social services despite the fact she was convicted of child abuse, abused one of her children to the extent that he is permanently disabled, and due to this and the abuse of her other children had three children removed into permanent foster care and the 4th one removed at birth and placed for adoption.

but she would come on here and swear blind that she was innocent and that nothing ever happened.

Ooh. How very biased

How are you today @Outandabout43 ?

Hope you are managing to ignore the posters with their own agenda derailing your thread. It’s clear you need kindness and support.
I hope you are reaching out to people around you and I’m sure people will help as much as possible even if it’s one night a week at someone’s house for dinner to get you out.

Hi all, feeling a lot calmer today thanks yo all you lovely people.

Have lots of plans in the upcoming weeks to see friends so that will help. Also I've took the advice to be honest with DD instead if getting stressed and give plenty of cuddles and tell her grandads just being mean again, but it's okay because mummy's here.

I've had a good chat with DH and he's words where anywhere you go, I'm voting too.

Have spoken to HA and they have said they may be able to house us until house is ready, however won't be until a few months and that it's highly likely we will be in the house before they can home us.

I think this update is fab!!! Well done OP!

Maybe you could squeeze in a weekend away!

Wow! Well done in taking control of everything. This is a wonderful update. Wishing you all the best and hope you and your family are safely in your new home as soon as possible.

Sounds like an awful situation and i feel for you. You've had some good suggestions and I'm sure you thought it put of desperation.
But what on earth makes you think social services would just take her. It really doesn't work like that I'm afraid.
You need to make it work or find somewhere else to go. Speak to your health visitor for advice.

Looks like you’ve had some good advice! I’ve nothing to add except I think you’re doing a really positive thing for your DD in getting a stable home. This time at your dad’s will soon be a distant memory and you are doing your best to shield your daughter from the negative impacts.
What you are going through sounds really tough and it’s completely normal to feel desperation, anxiety and sadness - this will improve as your situation improves. You just have to get through this shit few months until you move in to your lovely new home.

Contact some Airbnb hosts as they might do a different rate for say 2 months than they would for individual weeks. Especially this time of year when a lot of places will be empty.

Have a look also at caravan parks which might be a lot cheaper at this time of year.

If you really REALLY need a break, put your stuff in storage and sleep in your car. It won't be nice in the short term, but possibly less damaging in the long run.

@Outandabout43 I am glad you feel better and sometimes having somewhere to rant really is important. You have had quite a hard time here but also some really constructive advise. I am an area social worker in an LA where our teams take new cases from duty and hold onto them until completion/or a child becomes looked after.

Over the years there have been many occasions in which parents have demanded we take their children into care- usually this is ranting/end of thether stuff. People do not understand the purpose of the care system. Children are removed from their parents and placed within the care system because all other alternatives place them at greater risk than this option. For children to be places within the care system on the same day the potential risk is immediate, high consequence and cannot be mitigated. Usually we would need an emergency order via the police or the courts.

We know outcomes for children who are looked after are usually very poor. We will always try and find an alternative within the family/connected persons network and do what we can to support this. It is a last resort and a situation such as yours would never be agreed by senior management. When we do need to suddenly find a placement for a child /children, it is usually agreed by management at the end of the day with no identified placement. The reality is we sit around for hours with young people in the office and then a restaurant until we know where we can take them. Usually this will be for a night or two and we repeat for several weeks whilst competing for a longer term placement.

I might have missed this. Is she using her 30 hours childcare whilst you are at work? That keeps her a way a bit.

Also don't think that because she's laughing she's not traumatized.

There's been a few updates since..

Let me guess
is it the Democrats? You got this from QAnon?

Pleased to hear the update OP! Sounds like you are in a much better head space ❤️ stay strong and keep taking it a day/week at a time.