To ask social services to take my child?

[Outandabout43]

I've reached breaking point.

DH and I are in the process of buying a shared ownership, have the deposit by yhe skin of our teeth. Pretty much been sold a lie, house has been pushed back and pushed back.

LL gave us notice in our old house 3 months ago, Father said we could live there, appreciated the offer but knew it wouldn't work. Cut a long story short, had nowhere else to go and had to stay there. Was supposed to be 3 weeks, we are now on week 13.

Father is and always has been a bully. Used to physically and emotionally ebuse my mum and ruled the house with threats and violence, I grew up woth significant mental health problems and left the house as soon as I could after DM passed away.

I could probably cope living at father's just me and DH but we have a 3 year old. Father and DC do not get on, he will constantly try to tickle her or call her jocky names when she is trying to play and now she doesn't want to speak to him, I've tried telling her to be kind but quite honestly I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to him. Now he keeps threatening to smack (has never touched her) her and keeps telling her she is naughty, every day he shouts at me and tells me it's my fault she is like she is. I've told him not to do this, but he has told me I know where the door is. Now it's like he purposely goes out his way to wind her up so he can shout at her and me.

I'm at the point I'm in tears every day and even I'm telling DD off constantly when to me it's not deserved. I need to safe guard my child and not have her constantly threatened and shouted at but we have no where else to go, air B&B is to expensive, have no other family and if we private rent and house completes then we have to properties to pay for, can't pull out of house because we are then liable for 10% as already exchanged. I've called the council saying we are homeless and they have said there is nothing we can do as we have exchanged on property and have savings (deposite)

I'm currently sat with DD in the car after she was crying because she couldn't sleep and dad came in screaming at us both that he has to get up for work.

AIBU to call SS and ask them to take her because right now I can't see any other option.

I no advice but you sound like a great Mum.

I'd recommended Vineyard Church if there's one near you as I've known them to be really kind and generous to people who need help. Really hope your situation improves

Your financial rationale makes no sense. When you exchange you agree a completion date, as you are not delaying things I do not see how you be liable for anything.

Forget about the house purchase, if things are so bad that you would rather put your child in care than stay living where you are, then you need to use your savings to find somewhere else to move to with your child.

It's a new build. The completion date isn't fixed. If she pulls out before March she loses her deposit.

It doesn't work like that with new build/shared ownership @Aprilx - and as she's already exchanged the financial pe talkies will put her in an even worse position

This is a really tricky situation and I was in the housing bit of it myself a couple of years ago.

exchanged on new build in November, house due to be ready in April. ( you have to exchange within 30 days) sold house in Jan. moved out May. ( house due to be ready in July) moved in with mum ( house still not ready ) moved into house October. 11 months!!

I couldn’t find anything to rent within a 20 mile radius. ( kids at school) Air BNB big enough around 2-3k per month. Was already spending £800 a month on storage. It’s honestly not that easy to find short term places to live!

call the developers every week for updates, we got a fixed legal completion date in the end and even though the house was barely ready. We did get in and we did at least have an end in sight. Try and push for this? Your house sounds. Lot more ready than ours was and we were in months before they did the road!

you can do this! Great advice re being out and about keep out of his way as much as you can and remember it’s not forever.

Exactly

Are you mad trying to involve SS. You won’t get your child back

Things have moved on a bit since then 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

No they really haven’t. If anything they’ve got worse
look at the news. And it’s not that SS are overwhelmed. They take more children than ever before

If you have children, be careful

And why do you think that is?

Keep up with what’s going on. In most cases it’s not the parents
Make your own deductions
Methinks you’re not a parent?

Can you raise enough money to pay 3 months rent on a rental upfront somehow?

When I was waiting for my house to go through I had no where to go. Didn't want to get a long term rental due to funds. I managed to get a rental on a three month contract because I rang around rentals and explained my situation and offered them 3 months up front if they would allow me to have a 3 month minimum lease. I did it with debt but I paid it off.

You've made some very bold claims - it's usual to expect someone to back up bold or inflammatory claims with evidence and corroborated information- if all you're doing is voicing your opinion, then that's fine but do expect to be challenged on it.

Oh and @Ala2 there's no need for rudeness. This is not a playground and you're not 5.

I haven’t been rude, but I find your thought processes frankly unbelievable.
if you put your problems out into the mumosphere, expect opinions

@Outandabout43 if you called ss they would probably come out- see that you are a loving mum with somewhere appropriate to live and a plan in place to move and that would be the end of it. You can’t actually just put your child into care- and a grandad who shouts and threatens isn’t realistically going to meet the threshold for removal- sad as it is millions of children live with this and worse for their whole childhood.

Keep them apart as much as possible- go out every day etc. Also, explain to her that grandad is in the wrong, not her. Let her think he is horrible etc because he is! Don’t let her internalise any of his behaviour as her fault.

What thought processes? I asked you a question. Which you haven't answered.

Hello outandabout43 I've been thinking about your post and would like to bring this thread back to you. How are things? Has there been any progress with your new home, solicitor, child, husband or father? Have you managed to get any extra support at all? I hope you are feeling far better than the middle of the night the other day and things seem a little clearer. Sending you lots of good wishes.

Things in the thread

and as an aside you're talking bobbins

Probably best to ignore the derailer
<must take own advice>

😂

no. This isn’t a court of law. I don’t have to corroborate anything. Why don’t you corroborate your opinion. Or are you just here to argue

Do you always talk this much bullshit?