To ask social services to take my child?

[Outandabout43]

I've reached breaking point.

DH and I are in the process of buying a shared ownership, have the deposit by yhe skin of our teeth. Pretty much been sold a lie, house has been pushed back and pushed back.

LL gave us notice in our old house 3 months ago, Father said we could live there, appreciated the offer but knew it wouldn't work. Cut a long story short, had nowhere else to go and had to stay there. Was supposed to be 3 weeks, we are now on week 13.

Father is and always has been a bully. Used to physically and emotionally ebuse my mum and ruled the house with threats and violence, I grew up woth significant mental health problems and left the house as soon as I could after DM passed away.

I could probably cope living at father's just me and DH but we have a 3 year old. Father and DC do not get on, he will constantly try to tickle her or call her jocky names when she is trying to play and now she doesn't want to speak to him, I've tried telling her to be kind but quite honestly I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to him. Now he keeps threatening to smack (has never touched her) her and keeps telling her she is naughty, every day he shouts at me and tells me it's my fault she is like she is. I've told him not to do this, but he has told me I know where the door is. Now it's like he purposely goes out his way to wind her up so he can shout at her and me.

I'm at the point I'm in tears every day and even I'm telling DD off constantly when to me it's not deserved. I need to safe guard my child and not have her constantly threatened and shouted at but we have no where else to go, air B&B is to expensive, have no other family and if we private rent and house completes then we have to properties to pay for, can't pull out of house because we are then liable for 10% as already exchanged. I've called the council saying we are homeless and they have said there is nothing we can do as we have exchanged on property and have savings (deposite)

I'm currently sat with DD in the car after she was crying because she couldn't sleep and dad came in screaming at us both that he has to get up for work.

AIBU to call SS and ask them to take her because right now I can't see any other option.

I've actually loomed at caravan parks but when I go on the websites it doesn't have rental options, is there another way to do this??

You need to call them. I knew a couple (no kids) in this situation and they called holiday parks to enquire about long term let, 3 months and possibly extend if further delays and were given cheap rate.

Also OP take a look on spare room.com. Most rooms are only for singles but you could try emailing people and see if they would take you all for an extra premium on the rent.

Contact the holiday parks direct. Make it clear you understand things won’t be open and all you want it to rent something. Don’t mention your father, just the house delay.

What you’ve listed that needs completion is a fair list. I moved into a new build and things were done in a very similar order. The important thing is that the contractors/company will have a rough idea of timescale. You’re looking at weeks, for sure, but the building company will have given the house company a rough finish date which won’t be finalised till about 4wks beforehand. You should ask about this as a priority. I did and, along with me ‘keeping an eye’ on the physical site, I had a good idea of the finish date. Knowing that,will inform your decisions.

Do not involve SS!

so youre at the point where its exchanged. Find your anger and absolutely kick off at estate agents/solicitors today and get them to agree a date you are moving in. This is unacceptable. Its usually 2 weeks after exchanging and signing everything. I feel for you but hold tight. Try to be out of the house as much as possible. There is light at the end of the tunnel

People saying kick off and send notice to complete do not understand the process.
OP is buying a new build, it’s not ready yet !
that’s the point of a Long Stop Date, the developed expects a person to exchange and the property will be ready within a certain timeframe (within reason). Sometimes builds can be delayed for really odd reasons (I had one where they had ran out of bricks and couldn’t get the matching bricks for 6 weeks). The OP states the Long Stop Date is March, so either the prop will be ready then or OP can then walk away without loss of deposit.

Caravan Park is a good suggestion.

Where are you OP ? Maybe people can up with some ideas

Surely the HA can’t exchange and then continue to push the completion date back without financial penalties?!

Speak to your solicitor about that too. They need to put pressure on!

Yes they can, it's been explained in posts above (including the one right above yours) it's a new build in construction

You sound at the end of your tether which I really get. As well as caravan parks have a look at holiday lodges (if you said you'd be happy to move out over Christmas - maybe a week or so at your dad's would be bearable) they may be willing to flex as you're guaranteed income.

Do open up to friends. I'd def have a friend to stay a couple of days in this scenario and I'd be super happy for you to hang out in the evenings etc. because it would be a squeeze I'd not think to offer in your situation but if I knew how it was for you I'd open my home no questions

My auntie moved back to the UK after a long time abroad last autumn and she contacted holiday lets and got a big reduction on one answer lived there for three months while she looked for somewhere more permanent.

It worked out well for her as she only had to give a week notice and the person who let it to her was thrilled to have someone in during the off season.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

We see that your are getting some wonderful support already and
we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters. Support from other Mumsnetters is great but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

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Hi, couldn’t you explain your situation the council and claim homelessness just to try be out somewhere,I wouldn’t go social services you might get child taken and never get back.

They aren't going to take her child FFS let alone not give her back!! They aren't the childcatchers

Can you ask your old landlord if you can move back in month on month seeing as it’s empty? You’d actually be doing them a favour, so they might agree.

Social care don’t take kids that desperately need out of their situations. They certainly wouldn’t take this one. I actually think calling them might help. They can speak to your father and get him to see the impact his behaviour is having on a little one. Why not try and get some support? At the very least, you might get a family support worker who will take little one out for respite.

Do you think that would actually help the situation? OP's father (who has been abusive for decades) getting a phone call from a stranger telling him to change his behaviour in his own house? Far more likely to make things worse. Also I highly doubt a social worker would do this anyway. The child has two parents who need to protect her from the grandfather, it's not a social worker's job to have that conversation. It's totally disempowering.

Calm down Karen,
have you ever dealt with social services! They can be corrupt! Some parents have asked for help and not got their children back! It’s like a kinder egg surprise with them you never know what you going to get with them when you ask for help!

Things would have to ge pretty bad for social services to do that. There might be some bad apples but there are still protocols to adhere to for children to be placed in care.

And Knock it off with the 'Karen' Schtick

Thinking about it practically, you haven’t moved in so you are not paying a mortgage just yet. This means that whatever money you earn can be spent on rent. You can find rentals with 6 months contract for sure. I lived in several over the last few years. You can also find adverts for short lets on right move, open rent etc.
Depending on where you are in the country, Airbnb is absolutely cheaper than £1000 a week. I live in a major city and can get Airbnb for £900 a month. Even in London, there are 1 bed flats on booking.com for £1600 for 4 weeks.
There are also womens shelters and such who can give advice. You may have to leave your hubby fend for himself for a bit.

If that's directed at me then yes, I've worked in social services for 20 years 'Karen'

Put a post on your local Facebook group explaining the you are awaiting completion of purchase & need a short-term rental or house-sit for 2-3 months. Something might come up.

Speak to housing officer at the council.
look at B&B rather then air bnb
its off season so may do you a deal.
even hotels are less then £1000 a week

Good for you

then maybe your one of the ones that are not corrupt!

You clearly haven’t dealt with them much. You can fight and fight to get them to take kids who are in real danger. It takes years and still they return them to the abusers. Social care see the worst of the worst - they’re not stupid - they can recognise a call for help when they see one. They have strict protocols to follow.

I have dealt with social services and having been failed by them myself.

from experience, to my own research they fail the real children and allow the children who are at risk to be at risk. Don’t get me wrong they can be good and actually help but some are just useless.

even following strict protocols they can be corrupt!

example

someone had their kids removed and then they spoke too one family member and their child’s step parent to ask if the parent has ever abused the child physically because apparently the child has cigarette burns (birth mark) has they have the images and the case is with the police,now the person was never arrested and was never in the court papers and social workers report,the person was never asked by social services about it either! Safeguarding protocols would have flagged up and this person would have been investigated and done for childe abuse but nope!
They also had reports of a farther sexually abusing a child and they never did their protocols to safeguard this child and now this person walking around scotch free and able to see their child.

Another one myself I was abused badly has a child to sexual abuse, I remember being infested with nits, flea infested home, not cleaned, always in school uniform, dirty home literally, concerns was raised from family members and what did social services do leave me with my parents, so in the end I went in care and I was being sexually exploited and what did they do nothing!

at 16 i back to my mother and they just dropped my stuff from the care home and left me,no meetings to assess my needs no nothing! They didn’t know if I was safe? Left me with a druggie

I could name a lot more to why to avoid social services.

i knew someone who asked for help in a similar situation but different and they got their kid removed.

I mean okay maybe asking for help because you can’t get your teenager to go school, behaviour problems etc it’s different And in this case of the post they can see this and think abuse, not safeguarding the child,they drag the past up for when she was a child and how it was like, why she hasn’t been able to provide a home etc, they can use anything against you and yes they could turn around and say we can look after your child and give back when you get into your home but in reality it’s a 50:50 chance with social services!

so hence why I would avoid going to social services,

but no one needs to read my comment and take it seriously,I’m just posting my views and am pretty sure am not the only person who said avoid social services!!

so before anyone else comes at me “that I don’t know nothing about social services or how they run” I clearly do

@beccabooo this isn’t your thread to derail and of course people who work in children’s services will know more than people who have experience of it. OP needs support and not nitpicking. It’s irrelevant.

@Outandabout43 I know you were at the end of your tether. When you’re at that point, you can come up with all sorts of ideas that seem to make sense at the time. Buying a property is so frustrating and this must be adding to it 100 times over.

We moved into a new build shared ownership with 4 months delay. When I tell you I either emailed or phoned the housing association, my solicitor and the shared ownership people every day, I’m not lying. It was twice a day near the end. You want to be at the forefront of their mind and unfortunately, a polite but assertive email was the only way I got things done.

I’m glad you told your friend. Do you have anyone else? I’d let any friend of mine spend time at mine to hang out to avoid an abusive household. I’m sure there are others like me who’d help if they could. Agree about trying to phone caravan parks who may offer short term lets this time of year. Any super cheap b and bs? Make sure you’re on local Facebook - stuff comes up all the time.

You will get through this. An end is in sight but I do think you have to find any way to get out of there is you can. Your mental and emotional health is so important.