Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

[Mysticmania]

My son is 19 and I found a piece of condom wrapper on his bedroom floor. I assume he is sexually active. His girlfriend has started to stay over which I didn’t initially agree to but my son gave the excuse that they fell asleep etc. I’ve spoken to him about being safe and responsible. Also that he has his whole life ahead of him and wouldn’t be the right time for a baby etc. He agrees and we left it at that. Mentioned it to a couple of my best friends as I needed to offload. I know he’s of age but it’s reminded me he’s grown now. Both friends start giving the third degree “oh my god you’re going the become a grandma” “oh gosh he should not be bringing girls to your home” “no way, there’s no way I’d allow that under my roof, he can’t have babies at his age”. I don’t know why I mentioned it now. And can you believe both of them were having sex from the ages of 14.

Your friends understand that the point of condoms is to NOT have babies, right?

Also can I just say you go on about how you've talked about safe sex... He's using condoms it seems from your findings so what's the problem???

Wonder if OP found the Delete Thread button yet 🔍

@Mysticmania

Your son is an adult man and will have a sex life.

Whether or not you allow the gf to stay that will carry on.

If she is a long term gf then she will become a part of your family and I don’t think it is unacceptable for her to stay over periodically. Particularly if he is working and contributing to the household? It is his home.

If you are uncomfortable by all means speak to him about it, but be aware this could push him to move out with her, without having a stable grounding/savings/ability to get a mortgage first which is likely to set him on a rocky footing for life.

I’d rather my son was at home as long as possible to have a really firm amount of money behind him, and would permit the gf, if long-standing, to stay now and then.

If it’s random women he’s sleeping around with that is a separate matter and your friends need to catch a grip.

@Mysticmania

I think I understand perfectly. You're in shock because the little boy whose nappies you changed is now doing tje now very adult thing that could result in him having nappies of his own to change. There is also the element of some (rather nice) hussy leading him astray (obviously with his enthusiastic collusion) to where he will never be your little boy again.

It's perfectly natural. It's also a shock to the system realising that they're all grown up and getting up to what you used to get up to.

When my eldest was 18 I told him no sex before 35. He laughed in my face. His ship had sailed. Now he's married with children and still my baby boy.

Be of good cheer, OP. The best is yet to come.

Op don't worry MN is a completely unrealistic place. It's normal to chat your best friends about your son (in fact I've just closed the phobe to my friends chatting about her daughter and her new bf), it's normal to go in your sons room, it's normal to be worried about his life, it's also normal to feel the sadness that your sons going to fly the nest and has his own life and choices etc. People missed the point this is more about those feelings of nostalgia... Don't have an answer really, I'm sure I'll go through the same.

I have not told my friends he is having sex because it’s private.

Nice backtrack, but it's the opposite of what you said in your OP.

You sound batshit crazy he is an young adult capable of having a sexual relationship and a long time girlfriend staying over he's not a silly teenager.

This. He's a grown adult FFS. why the all the hysterics about a grown man having safe sex? good grief.

He’s an adult and clearly not looking to have a baby. You found condom wrappers fgs!
He’s having a healthy safe sex life .
This is madness .

Leave him alone and mind your own business and don’t let your “friends “ mention it again.

Not only have you told all your friends about your 19 year old ADULT son's sex life you have now told an entire website filled of people.

You really need to get a grip op.

You say "everyone has an opinion" but thats because you TOLD them. If you tell people stuff conversationally thats going on privately in your own home, they are going to express opinions on it arent they? What did you expect would happen- complete silence? If you dont want opinions on a topic keep it to yourself. I thought that would have been obvious!

19 year olds are probably going to sexually active, but if it’s happening in your home, you have every right to ask questions. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. I will never agree to my children bring boyfriends home and sleeping in their beds. Maybe because we have always been a family of three girls & other family dynamics are different. I certainly don’t understand anyone letting under 18’s having sex in their house - I see that as encouraging it. They’re still children.

Grow up.

Leave him to get on with it and stay out of his business. At 19 it’s totally normal. It’d be weird if he wasn’t having sex by then to be honest

Why do you feel the need to have conversations about it or get involved in your son's relationship at all? They can just do what they want, it's no one else's business. I'm sure he realises that unprotected sex can lead to a baby!

Go have a cup of tea or coffee and calm down people. Don’t need your opinions either so deleting this thread

LOL I dont think you quite understand how conversation works. If you tell people stuff seeking feedback then you are going to get opinions. It happened with your friends and its happening now because you posted it on a public message board. Now the opinions arent exactly what you wanted to hear you're throwing your toys out of the pram. Hilarious!

Maybe you should tell them that condoms prevent babies (for the most part) and diseases!
19 years will
have sex he sounds quite sensible to me

I think a lot of people are missing the point you weren’t gossiping. In your position I would let my sons gf stay over as long as they are both taking precautions it’s fine. They are adults and I would rather they be in my home where they are safe. In turn they would need to be quiet and respectful of everyone else in the house.

I’ve just preplanned buying earplugs for when my adult son has a gf stay over. 😂

I know it’s difficult OP. He is your son.

But how lovely he has a good relationship and someone who loves him.

Get a grip.

What’s the parenting dilemma? He’s 19!

Your adult son’s sex life is in no way a “parenting dilemma.”

Id be more bemused if a 19 year old wasnt having sex with their girlfriend, assuming similar age etc.

Surely it's a given that adults in a relationship will have sex?

You will always be a parent but parenting stops when their adults.
I have a 20 year old i dont go parenting him hes a man now with a partner living on his own and knew about the birds and bees way before he was 16.
I wouldent go talking about my sons sex life to others either.