Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

[Mysticmania]

My son is 19 and I found a piece of condom wrapper on his bedroom floor. I assume he is sexually active. His girlfriend has started to stay over which I didn’t initially agree to but my son gave the excuse that they fell asleep etc. I’ve spoken to him about being safe and responsible. Also that he has his whole life ahead of him and wouldn’t be the right time for a baby etc. He agrees and we left it at that. Mentioned it to a couple of my best friends as I needed to offload. I know he’s of age but it’s reminded me he’s grown now. Both friends start giving the third degree “oh my god you’re going the become a grandma” “oh gosh he should not be bringing girls to your home” “no way, there’s no way I’d allow that under my roof, he can’t have babies at his age”. I don’t know why I mentioned it now. And can you believe both of them were having sex from the ages of 14.

Bollocks!

You said that you discussed him having sex with your friends who then told you that they would never allow that, and that you would soon be a grandma. 🙄🙄

I don't understand why you felt the need to tell your friends your adult son was having sex with his girlfriend.

You have unwittingly invited them to pile in and be all tsk about your adult son private life
Stop talking about him. Deflect and don’t answer any queries. Keep doing this. Again and again
Friends will get the message when you never elaborate or explain

OP, how would you have felt if, when you were an adult, your mother had been gossiping about your sex life with her friends?

Your son is an adult. His sex life is none of your business, so show some basic respect to him, stay out of his room and shut up about things which don’t concern you.

It’d be pretty unusual to NOT be having sex at 19.

I agree with everyone - stop talking about this to your weird friends.

If you don't want his girlfriend to stay again then tell him that. There was no point in talking to him about being safe, you found a condom wrapper so he already was being safe. Of course he's sexually active at 19. This whole thing must be mortifying for him. And your friends are being very dramatic saying you'll be a grandma (especially because he's clearly using condoms). If the issue is simply about his gf staying over then make it clear to him that you wont allow it, but don't expect that that will stop them having sex

The dilemma is around the GF staying over without permission.

How often does she stay? I would be uncomfortable with an extra adult staying in my house on a regular basis but everyone is different. Maybe set a boundary that she can stay once a week at the weekend or something. And he should let you know so you know when she will be there. There's nothing wrong with having boundaries. But perhaps you should also stay out of his room and respect his space. He's old enough now to clean his own condom wrappers up.

So your son has a GF and is having safe sex. Isn’t that great? What would you rather, he was having unprotected sex? Where if you don’t allow her to stay? Or that he didn’t have a GF and got his gratification online instead? Give your head a wobble. He is 3 years over age consent and is behaving responsibly. You should welcome this.

I'm pretty sure she'd also be horrified if you taped it too though.

Why were you even in his room? He's an adult, he is responsible for anything that needs to happen in that room (tidying, cleaning) it is his private space.

As you can see OP, different parents have different rules.

I think you are unfairly getting a hard time on here.

Lots of people feel the way as the PP and that’s fine.

Lots of people have bf/gfs spending the night at 14yo knowing they’re having sex.

There was a thread a couple weeks ago saying that as soon as they turn 16, the DP is allowed to stay over and the OPs 16th bday was coming up.

I think the best parents try to find a balance and I think that is exactly what you are doing and I would feel proud that you are checking with other parents to see if you’re being fair or not too strict/too easy going.

You’ve done nothing wrong.

Exactly, he’s an adult - what did you expect? This is a complete non issue, they’ll have sex somewhere if not in your house!

Imagine starting a thread just to make a complete dick of yourself 🥴😄

Not "everyone" I personally couldn't give a toss !

Might be an idea to stop broadcasting it all over that there internet

@ilovepuppies2019 maybe worried is the wrong word but in my world it would be unusual if a couple are in a loving relationship at 19 and they weren’t having sex. That doesn’t mean they have to be but if, like op’s son, my adult dc were in such a relationship, I would be surprised if they weren’t.

It's fine, OP.

Your adult son is having sex with his (presumably) adult girlfriend. No need to offload.

I also think staying over is absolutely fine. Not sure why you had an issue with it in the first place, but I guess your house, your rules.

Both my son and daughter's serious boyfriend/girlfriends have been welcome to stay over since 18. It makes for a better relationship, in my book.

Your friends are being dramatic. Of course a 19 year old is going to be having sex. That doesn’t mean you’re gonna become a grandma any time soon 😂

Lovely people on this thread who never mention issues they’re having in their house to people they talk to😅 She’s hardly discussing positions, and of course in a way it’s an issue if anyone else is having sex in your house- it’s awkward- you don’t want to know your son is having sex in the next room!!!

And the people saying why would you go into your 19 yos room- I work with loads of young adults and teens and they all say ‘ah mum was good enough to give my room a quick clean this weekend’ or ‘mum took my top, washed it and put it back, it was a relief, I’d forgotten I needed it’ etc. Welcome to real life!!!

I try not to think about my adult children having sex. I am in denial even with two grandchildren! 😂

Totally normal for a young man of 19 to be sexually active and not something to be considered a dilema or rant about to friends. So what if a condom wrapper was found on the floor , at least he's being responsible. I'm sure if he was taught earlier to be careful, he will be aware of safe sex.

I’d be more worried if he wasn’t having sex at 19. Leave him alone. Hes got a girlfriend and they aren’t doing anything wrong. I’m sure neither of them want a baby right now.

OP you’re the parent of an adult. I agree with PP don’t discuss his sex life with your friends. Their reactions have been unreasonable, though, it’s not like he’s trying for a baby. He’s using contraception. I really don’t see what the problem is here

Firstly you shouldn't have told them, it's not a dilemma as he is 19, has a GF and uses condoms. However, you now need to shut down their stupid comments - tell them you wish you had never told them and to stop being so silly. They sound juvenile.

I'm more concerned about why his gf cant stay over... I was living on my own by 19 but my mum would never have not allowed me to have guests stay :S bit wierd your trying to "parent" a 19 yr old

Just tell him that she is not allowed to stay over at all, or she can stay over once a week. Doesn't matter about the sex as long as they being both responsible and respectful of your house.

Knock on the door and say "I think it's time for DSGF to go home now" or similar. It can't be ignored.