Son having sex: Everyone has an opinion that I didn’t ask for

[Mysticmania]

My son is 19 and I found a piece of condom wrapper on his bedroom floor. I assume he is sexually active. His girlfriend has started to stay over which I didn’t initially agree to but my son gave the excuse that they fell asleep etc. I’ve spoken to him about being safe and responsible. Also that he has his whole life ahead of him and wouldn’t be the right time for a baby etc. He agrees and we left it at that. Mentioned it to a couple of my best friends as I needed to offload. I know he’s of age but it’s reminded me he’s grown now. Both friends start giving the third degree “oh my god you’re going the become a grandma” “oh gosh he should not be bringing girls to your home” “no way, there’s no way I’d allow that under my roof, he can’t have babies at his age”. I don’t know why I mentioned it now. And can you believe both of them were having sex from the ages of 14.

Ugh. How intrusive.

He's an adult, there's nothing shocking about him having sex that you need to discuss with your friends. I'd expect someone that age that had a partner staying overnight to be having sex. If you don't like their responses then don't tell them personal information about your son. And in future don't go looking round his room for evidence. I had a mother that was incredibly intrusive in my sexual life as a young person and it has damaged our relationship.

Why her parents? She is an adult.

Ok yes it's your house and you don't want any random people staying over. She is 19 so why does she need her parents permission.

We need to stop babying adults.

It’s completely up to you if you have his gf over to stay.

I think you’re doing it right.

You’re letting her stay, not naive enough to think they’re not having sex and you are reminding him about safe sex and not having a baby at his age.

I’m not at that stage yet but I think you’re doing a great job and I plan to be the same.

If you discuss it with friends you need to be prepared for them to tell you that they don’t agree.

Their kids of the same age will be having sex but they’ll be much more sneakier and less likely to have had the safe sex chat.

My daughter would be horrified if I taped about her sexual life and she's 19.
Don't discuss his private business with your friends

Talked! Not taped 🤦🏻‍♀️

He’s an adult, it’s no one’s business. And he’d have sex elsewhere if you didn’t allow it at home, and it’s better off being somewhere safe and private.

I was mortified when my mum went round telling everyone I’d had sex, contributed to the reason I dont talk to her now. Your son is an adult and being safe, respect his damn privacy and stop telling anyone who will listen his personal information. Absolutely disgusting.

Your poor son

An adult child having sex is not a parenting dilemma

You did thro right thing discussing it with him, and the wrong thing discussing it with your friends. Don’t mention it again and move on.

The part were you had an adult discussion with your son is fine. He’s using conforms so obviously sensible.
Telling your friends so they can smirk, make jokes about it is not on. Hope your son doesn’t find out.

I can't think of a single reason why I'd be discussing my DSs sex life with my friends unless I wanted their advice because something worried me (being irresponsible, worried about someone being exploited for example) Perhaps your friends assumed you were the same and wanted their advice rather than the somewhat unusual act of telling them for no apparant reason.

the title of the thread was dramatic to grab attention for responses.
i have not told my friends he is having sex because it’s private. You will all think what you want to think. The dilemma is around the GF staying over without permission. The Having sex part I guess is about me having the reality of it put to me.

I think it's one of the issues with kids staying at home longer. I'm an older parent and mortified at the thought that my kids might still be living with me (and sexually active) into their 20s.
At 19 I had left home and my sex life was none of my parents' business.

He’s 19, ffs, not 12. Stop talking about his sex life with your mates.

Well don't talk about your son's private life or sexual antics and they won't give you their opinion!
Your son is 19, so legally an adult and well above the age of consent. For all you know he's been having sex for the past three years, but in reality I could be six years or more.
His girlfriend doesn't need to stay the night for them to do it, they could be doing it at anytime of the day!

But you said in your post that you’d told a couple of friends 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t understand. If you didn’t tell them how do they know?

anywsy your ds is 19yo. Of course he’ll have sex. He’s an adult. Treat him like one. His sex life is none of your business. He’s using condoms, I don’t see the issue.

It's your home and your rules.

Neither of my children aged 19, and older, brought girlfriends or boyfriends home to stay over. Not until they were late 20s and in settled relationships, living with their partners.

I'd not have approved TBH.

A serious long term partner, okay, but not a string of girlfriends or boyfriends.

My DCs were both at uni at 19. I didn't know what they were up to but they didn't embarrass me by having sex at our home.

I am old fashioned but believe that if teens want to have a sex in the family home they should at least discussing it with their parents to get their 'ok'.

Go have a cup of tea or coffee and calm down people. Don’t need your opinions either so deleting this thread

Why the hell do you consider a young adult having sex to be a parenting dilemma!!?? He sounds like a responsible young man to me.

It isn't a dilemma at all. It's nosiness on your part and a complete betrayal by blabbing to your drama llama friends!! Wind your neck in and butt out.

But she is now staying over with permission?

His girlfriend has started to stay over which I didn’t initially agree to but my son gave the excuse that they fell asleep etc.

Wtf he's an adult.

Dear MNHQ, some people on your website disagree with me and it hurts my feelz.

Please stop what you're doing on a Sunday and come rescue me. What's that? Yes I know I'm a fully grown woman but still... 🙄🙄

I quite agree. It's appalling that you felt the need to 'offload' to friends, what was there to offload? Did you expect your son and his girlfriend to just hold hands at 19?

At least they have the common sense to use condoms, that must be reassuring.

However, you are entitled to say, "Not under my roof", if you feel strongly about such things, it is your house after all. They will only do it somewhere else though or may even decide to find a place to rent and move in together; he is a bit young for that and I doubt you'd want him to.