Not invited :(

[BlueNavy]

Mum friends just posted on FB them all out drinking and having fun tonight. I'm on the sofa watching telly, wasn't invited and really upset about it. All people I'm friends with and I would have loved to have gone. No falling out, get on with everyone, I hate that things like this happen. Feeling shit now and wondering what else I've missed. Only know cause of stupid social media.😔

I would definitely step away from the group OP. Don’t message like a previous poster suggested, it would look desperate. It was definitely done on purpose.

Some of the comments on here are leaning into the ‘fake nice’ bitchiness that comes from this group mentality. Such as asking if she’s done something wrong or even if she is clean ffs.
If these women were genuinely her friends they would tell her if there was a problem, not just agree to exclude her.

I definitely agree with no friends is better than fake friends. I always avoid friendship groups and tend to stick to a couple of people that I trust. There is definitely a playground element and too much drama and bitchiness.

If you really can't see why leaving one friend out of a night out, when the group regularly go out together, then that's bizarre.

Pretty basic empathy, I'd say, plus it's hardly 'obsessed' to see a post on socials from one off your mates?!!

I think I would have added ‘pity I couldn’t be there with you all’. Neutral for social media but the friends would know.

not inviting you was awful enough but to post about on Facebook!!!!

Ask why you didn't know about the session and then decide whether you have something to worry about.

This.

I've had similar and the others in my group have clearly made a new group to discuss plans without me and one other. It's super mean and unpleasant. Why do adult women do this?

I've just pretended not to notice, but distanced myself and made better friends :)

There has to be more of a story to this. Nobody is that dense that they’d sneak off but then post on social media about it.

You might never know but for some reason (like others said, more/less money, different relationship set up, your dc is different to theirs, different life goals etc) these women or one of the pack leaders have decided you are not a good fit. This is not accidental but also try not to take it to heart.
They are not real friends. Real friends don't exclude you.
I would put effort into making some new friends such as join a new exercise class, talk to other mums in the playground etc.
Just be polite but distant going forward and don't expect anyone in the group to apologise

Really good advice here - any attempt by you to get an explanation/apology will be used against you within the group.

Better to remove yourself, dignity intact, and stick to a basic civility when you bump into them. It would be awful if an argument kicked up and then you had to see them at the school gates and it be awkward.

Unless they want her to realise and get the message without them having to say it!

Horrible if so.

I can't do the whole needy/desperate friend thing.

You have to tackle this without emotion. Just put on the group chat: "Is there a reason I wasn't invited?". Leave it at that. No big speech. Just get to the bottom of it. Then you can decide how to react.

Oh gawd please delete that Facebook comment.
this happened to me once on NYE. I was upset and reached out to one friend by text. She phoned me immediately and we talked it through and she explained why they didn't think to invite me. I was still a bit hurt but I wasn't publicly embarrassed which is what you will be if many people see that comment. Call or text the one you're closest to and talk about it.

OP are you are all real friends or is it more like a group of school mum acquaintances who meet up now and again and are friendly? I'm just wondering if you're seeing this friendship differently to the way they do and you perhaps aren't as close with them as you think. You say you have know them 8 years but if it's an acquaintance situation it's natural that certain people within the group will get on more. If it's purely a school mum thing, these type of friendships usually fall apart anyway when the kids move on from primary.

That’s really uncalled for on their behalf. They clearly didn’t leave you out by mistake as you asked them about weekend plans and they ignored you. I’d want to know why. There will be a reason and if they are going to leave you out, then post photos to rub your nose in it, they can have the decency of telling you why. Sorry OP, that’s really shit

You think OP, an adult, is bothered about being left out of something by her mother's friends?

I'd pick one to message and just be direct - have I done something only I asked all about weekend plans, didn't get a reply, then saw on SM all but me went out. If I've done something I'd rather know than be excluded

Yes, they clearly have another thread without you. There is no way that they have set up a night out and seven people haven’t thought to mention it to you or to say something about it in the group chat you are in.

There is nothing to be gained by liking photos of commenting on the post.

The friendships are over in my opinion. It’s not even your decision to make really. It’s already been made for you. I agree with @crew2022

Shitty mean girls. I would have left the WhatsApp group.

If you really want to find out why I’d ask the ‘nicest’ person there only (not ask them as a whole group as no one will want to be the first to reply). Just calmly ask why you weren’t invited. Depending on the answer you can then decide whether to leave the group chat or not.

OP I would pretend this hasn't affected you and as you notice other things distance yourself. It's really unkind and I can understand you being hurt.
I used to be friends with a lovely lady who found herself getting squeezed out of her friendship group of 4 for some frump to come in they were all pretty mean to said friend all aged around 50 at the time. The frump then got herself right in the middle of the group all settled and had an affair with the husband of the main personality in the group and blew the whole thing apart. Original friend felt pretty smug offering her shoulder to cry on.
This is really hurtful when people behave like this but don't show your hurt.

All these suggestions of faux-innocent comments, it’s cringe. Everyone knows what went down.

Pick the nicest one and ask directly what happened.

@willWillSmithsmith the poster means Mum friends, are they a casual group of friends made through their children at the school gate friends or ones where their kids all do the same hobby, baby classes that sort of thing.

You haven’t said how you see these women will you bump in to them in a situation? I would verbally ask gave to face the nicest one if possible.

As a sister in a group of five we did do things all together but sometimes we didn’t and it did cause some friction. As an adult I much prefer one to one friends rather than groups.

I would say don’t do anything immediately calm down first as understandably upset. The poster hasn’t said circumstances either and what opportunities to mix with others exist.

Have you had any change of circumstances recently ?

I'm sorry @BlueNavy, for some unknown reason, they appear to have pushed you out of the group - not a nice feeling at all, whatever the reason. I'd second the thought that these are not really 'your people' and that no friends are definitely better than fake friends.
You might want to ask whoever you're closest to just in case there is something you've done/not done, that you're not aware of, but they might not be forthcoming (I feel they would have spoken to you already if they really were interested in continuing a friendship). Do you have hobbies, go to any classes/groups etc, where you might socialise independently from them and maybe even make some new friends?

Why are so many women stuck in bitchy high school behaviour?

Good on you. Did they reply?

I’d be upset and asking them too. You asked if anyone had plans this weekend. If there had been some kind of oversight then it would have been picked up the. Who posted the photos? They were either unaware you hadn’t been invited I reckon or TOTALLY aware of the situation. I’m sure you know which way round it is.