Not invited :(

[BlueNavy]

Mum friends just posted on FB them all out drinking and having fun tonight. I'm on the sofa watching telly, wasn't invited and really upset about it. All people I'm friends with and I would have loved to have gone. No falling out, get on with everyone, I hate that things like this happen. Feeling shit now and wondering what else I've missed. Only know cause of stupid social media.😔

So sorry this happened I think a lot of us have been there at one time or another and it's always very painful 😬

Just a thought, did something happen on the last night out? EG you drank too much, got upset, needed a lot of looking after for some reason?

If they're still including you generally but having nights out without you it could be something to do with the way you act when you've had a drink?

How nasty! She is just feeling left out, not acting any way at all!

If they had another group for a particular reason and forgot to invite you they would have realised when you asked about plans. I think this is deliberate. Is there something going on with the kids?

Some groups do this - push people out.

Either ask the person you think is most decent - accepting you might not get an honest reply - or just step away.

Oh op I’m so sorry. Given the messages specifically mentioning the weekend it does seem unlikely your being left out was a mistake.

It’s horrible when groups of people act like this. I’ve never really had a big group of female friends (until recently) because often it turns sour and although I’ve not been the butt ever I’ve always retreated as I don’t like the way people are willing to go along with being unkind to others.

Do you have any close friends out of the 7. If so I’d maybe contact them individually.

Im not sure there is any come back from this though, unless there is an innocent explanation for how you left out it’s be hard to move on from knowing your friends have the ability to turn on your on a whim.

Op you have my utmost sympathy. Very hurtful.
Social groups (cliques) can be brutal.

It is worth looking at your own behaviour, maybe they’re just bitches but maybe they’re reacting to something

in one of my friendship groups there is a woman who can be quite hard work: domineering, argumentative with restuarant staff and is particularly snipey with one of the other women in the group. Sometimes it suits to go out without her.

Doesn’t mean she’s not liked - she has many good qualities, but sometimes we want a different sort of night.

Many of these groups are on shaky foundations in the first place because they're based on convenience rather than a deeper sense of connection.
When you've got a group of say 8, there will always be one (or more) within, who you wouldn't spend your free time with given the choice. It's just that they're part of the group. By the same token, you will be that someone to another person. Loyalty can be in short supply, gang mentality taking hold, not because people are horrible but because they are afraid of having negative energy turned on them. They don't want to risk being rejected.

Was there any reply OP?

Ugh horrible of them. I'd say you were upset and be upfront and honest. If nothing gets done then I'd walk away.

Do you have anything in common apart from being mums?

Might be time to start building new relationships through work, volunteering, hobbies were you have more things in common?

Urgh this happened to me a few years back and it’s the worst feeling!! It was a bit different as it was a party hosted by friend A who lived literally across the street, and I only found out as I was putting the bins out and bumped into friend B leaving the party - who was quite surprised to see me as apparently ‘friend’ A had said I had turned dow the invite as I had something else to do!!

it was all hideous and awkward for a bit, I distanced myself from the group and found new friends. It was horrible at the time though, so you have my huge sympathy OP. It’s like being back in high school with the wan girls again….

Sorry this happened to you OP

shitty thing of them to do

This happened to me once. I had a group of friends made when our children were all babies, we used to go out together regularly. Then one day I saw on Facebook they had all gone out for a birthday meal without inviting me.
Looking back I realised they had all often been "too busy" to come to things I organised, not all of them at once but all of them at different times.
So I unfriended them all on Facebook and have pretty much never spoken to them since except a brief hello on the street.
I do feel sad about it and I wish I knew why they did it, but I've had to let it go and find new friends.

I feel for you.
It's upsetting when friendship groups exclude you, even as an adult.

It could just have been an oversight, but if it isn't then it says a lot more about them than it does about you!

I think you will be able to tell a lot from how they respond/ don't respond to your comment saying "looks like a fun night".

Sending hugs, as I feel your pain.

I'm glad you're over it, and wouldn't want to undermine the whole horrible experience...but it DOES sound like a scene out of a Richard Curtis film!!

Think it was a perfectly reasonable response from the OP, hardly ‘childish and passive aggressive’.

I lost a group of a ‘friends’ because of something similar. I look back on it now and realise how unhappy that group made me at times. I would take a step back and try to make some new friends, which I realise is very hard, but better than wasting time on these.

This is why i try not to let my social life be totally dependent on one fixed group all from the same place. People shift and change, sometimes they have shit going on that changes dynamics. I have a lovely group of mum friends but when i got my dream job & found myself suddenly happy and feeling better off at a time when most were stressed & watching the pennies, they were a bit off with me for a while.

I have a mix, im not relying on one circle of friends. Tbh i think when you are you can become a bit needy and boring and it can contribute to people getting a bit tired of you. Personal experience only but there it is.

I would consider who I feel closest to, then see them in person and ask them directly. Say you felt out and wanted to know what the issue was. Given your previous group chat question, you were deliberately left out. Not everyone in the group might have felt great about this though, but a bit spineless not to say something. If you met these mums through school, chances are there group will change as kids go to secondary etc. so sorry this has happened to you op.

I don't think it was childish and passive aggressive either. She has politely noted something obvious. Now she turns away because she has self-respect and standards.

HNRTFT but reading your OP made me feel really sad for you . Why are so many women so bloody horrible. You never hear men behaving like this .
Am so glad that my really good friends ( approx 10 ) all don’t know each other very well ,so this stops situations like this and any general bitching .
I hope you get to the bottom of this and can move on.
Seems odd they excluded you and then out date on Social Media .

Did anyone reply to your fb message?

Ditch them, how mean.

Stop all communication. Don’t post anything else. Don’t reply to any messages.

Groups can be savage, this is not personal.

You have to tread carefully for your children’s sake. I would drop off the radar. Focus my time on new hobbies and making new friends and step back from this group altogether without saying a word. Not a single one of them is a real friend to you op. Otherwise they would not have gone along with this. They are not real friends, so you are losing nothing,

Start to make real friends with proper connection beyond sharing the same school. Convenience friends are not worth the investment, and inevitably fall away when the school stage ends.

It will blow up in any case as there are bad characters in the group.

Remain civil, bright and breezy and very very busy and move away silently and without drama. If anyone asks just say you are busy on repeat. Time to move on op.