Not invited :(

[BlueNavy]

Mum friends just posted on FB them all out drinking and having fun tonight. I'm on the sofa watching telly, wasn't invited and really upset about it. All people I'm friends with and I would have loved to have gone. No falling out, get on with everyone, I hate that things like this happen. Feeling shit now and wondering what else I've missed. Only know cause of stupid social media.😔

Agree with this. No one replied because they definitely had plans that didn’t include you. It wasn’t an accident, it was deliberate and a nasty thing to do. Personally I don’t think it’s something you can ignore or brush under the carpet. You need to somehow get to the bottom of why you weren’t asked and then you can decide if you want to continue the friendships.

That is just horrible and so mean of them. I would just wait to see if any of them contact you or try to explain.
What is wrong with people, so vile to just leave one person out and not fair at all.
Try not to dwell on it as not fair and how can they just enjoy their night out knowing they left you out, some women are just mean biatches. Be kind to yourself xx

Maybe pick off the one you're closest to (or who seems the most reasonable) and ask them tomorrow. It's OK to admit that you were confused and hurt, and want to understand what led to them going without you.

People are never honest about it to your face and they all colluded, so whats the point? IMO the best thing to do when you are bullied or made unwelcome in a group is to just leave them to get on with their drama.

You can. It’s deliberately unkind, planned to not include you. Whatever their reasoning behind it, it’s cruel and I’d rather have no friends than people I want to include me in stuff but don’t.

@Thelnebriati i agree with all of that. I walked away from what I thought was a really close group a few years ago. Turns out they were close and I was just someone to turn to when the others weren’t available!

I know how shit this feels. Unless you're aware of any issues affecting things between you recently, it's likely them, not you. Could it be one member of the group has an issue and orchestrated it to not include you? Have you had any clashes with any of them recently?

Try not to overthink this and distract yourself from social media as it's only making you feel worse.

Have you spoken about any cost of living/money problems at all recently so they've decided to not ask you out?

Major stretch but the only thing I can think of, still shitty thing to do to a friend.

Do you drink around the same amount as them? Can you handle what you drink? Do you dress equivalent to them on nights out? Did anything happen on your last night out? Are you judgemental about their behaviour? Or get maudlin? I've been part of a group that has not invited everyone, for good reasons.

It doesn’t look as an oversight as you’ve asked about plans and no one answered. Clearly something goes on. I don’t think anyone will tell you the reason, people rarely do. It might come to you at some point but atm I would behave as before just wouldn’t be very proactive in a group re meet ups.
By the way your comment was absolutely normal, not passive aggressive at all.

Im sorry. I had a similar situation a few months ago with a group of friends, I let it go because I didn’t want to lose the friendships but it still hurts me when I think about it now and I don’t really know why I was left out.

How shitty of them! I'm so sorry OP.
There's nothing worse than feeling left out 😔

Never run after other people. Friends, family, boyfriends, whoever.

Don’t let them see it’s hurt you. No messages on FB or on group chat. Silence is more powerful than words. Let them broach the silence and see how they respond. No blocking, withdrawal from groups, or anything. Whether they do or don’t respond, you can still withdraw gracefully the next time any invite comes round, and cool the friendship organically. If it doesn’t, well, the friendship is cooling anyway. Make yourself unavailable and don’t give it any oxygen.

The friendship is now shafted either way, anyway, so you might as well exit this group without drama and your head held high. It’s only too natural to spend time being hurt and angry and wondering why, but honestly, if people aren’t your friends, as this group has shown, you’re better off without them.

Leave the group chat

Yea, good idea. And isolate yourself even more.... FFS.

OP, I know it hurts. But don't take it personally. I have friends who we meet up with in groups and sometimes they organise stuff together between themselves.
One on one, or whatever.

Doesn't bother me at all.

Are they your mums friends or your friends? I do feel like sometimes my mum expects an invite to everything I do, and I like to keep things slightly separate sometimes. Maybe your mums doing the same?

in my teens and twenties I would have hung on and let people treat me like this becoase I was terrified of having no friends.

I wish I had had more self respect.

you deserve better - don’t let them treat you like this.

Sorry this has happened to you. I had friends do something similar, I was a single mum and they felt I couldn’t afford to go so didn’t ask me. I was very hurt. I didn’t move on from them but I never forgot it.

This is horrible and clearly not an oversight

I'd step away. You won't make new friends whilst enmeshed with this awful bunch

Leave the group chat

Yea, good idea. And isolate yourself even more.... FFS

it absolutely is a good idea, who needs friends who deliberately leave you out?!

Twats, to all keep quiet in the group chat then post it on fb…women can be so horrible to each other!

Its so bloody playground ‘let’s not invite…’

TWATS. The lot of them.

Hey OP. Sorry this happened to you. Doesn’t sound like there’s a good reason for them to ignore you asking about weekend plans. Bitches.

I ended up having a clear out of ‘mates’ (not my good friends) a few years ago and purposely drifted from anyone who made me feel shit, no matter how. Eg I had a mum mate who would always ask me for a coffee and one of my husband’s friends’ wives. One constantly made me feel even more anxious than I already was as a new mother by constant comparison and the other just moaned about her marital woes, never asked about me ever and frankly bored me to tears and wasn’t a very nice person. I started by saying no to meeting up with people who were drains, making excuses I was busy until they got the hint. It was liberating.

I urge you to do the same with this lot. Honestly, I’d rather stay in and watch Strictly or indeed paint dry than hang around with these women who are clearly horrible. They will just turn on someone else on the group - this is how women like this tend to work. I’m happy to have a few close friends tbh but if you want to make more, I’d try to get a hobby or two or use your kids’ hobbies to meet other mums.

Have there been other people that you know of who have been cut out before? Is there a "queen bee" in the group? Even if there is, they have all colluded to make sure you didn't get invited and then let you find out about it.

Why are they picking on you? Do you have more money, a better/worse house, dress differently, get drunk, get loud, don't pay your fair share, monopolize the conversation, talk over other people, have disgusting personal habits, break confidences, share inappropriate details about your sex life or be unkind to others and don't repay favours? Are you a complainer or moaner? Have you dropped the "girls" whenever a man comes on the scene? Do you wash and use antiperspirants and have fresh breath? I mean it might not be anything you're doing at all and you might be perfectly lovely in every way but they just had to have someone to pick on. I can understand that you are hurt and I would be too because whatever you might or might not have done they have been really nasty in doing this.

@BlueNavy Given that you asked them what plans they had for the weekend and not one responded, tells you all you need to know.

If this had happened to me I think I would have a think about just how important these people are in my life, especially given the length of time you have known them.

I don’t think I would mention the night out again but I would back off from the group be friendly and engage in chit chat when you see them, but not get as involved.

Maybe it’s time to broaden your social group, join a gym, exercise class, take up a hobby, get out there and meet new people.

The fact that they posted the photo and knew you would see it is really horrible of them. I hate social media, and this is one of the reasons.

Maybe read the OP's post again, @Mumof2beautifulbabies ?