Not invited :(

[BlueNavy]

Mum friends just posted on FB them all out drinking and having fun tonight. I'm on the sofa watching telly, wasn't invited and really upset about it. All people I'm friends with and I would have loved to have gone. No falling out, get on with everyone, I hate that things like this happen. Feeling shit now and wondering what else I've missed. Only know cause of stupid social media.😔

Which is irritating me! I want an update!

In time you’ll be able to review these friendships for what they really are. You get so swept up in the group and it’s dynamics your blindsighted at the time. Sometimes a group can create a fake persona just to thrive and everyone gets swept along. Fitting in funnily enough isn’t always going to be the best life enchancing choice for you and it can be self limiting . They say lean into yourself to be the best version of you and this could be what is needed for you to outgrow what could be a very childish group of grown women. Often these groups dismantle when the rot sets in you just don’t have the hindsight yet to see what’s best for you because the group bond wanting to fit that narrative is strongest in your head just now. So it will be driving you into a rabbit hole of self analysis but honestly it’s probably just the room has gone stale and you need some fresh air. Stepping out for that breath of fresh air could mean finding true courageous honest friendship that u didn’t know existed. You might be learning something about who you are when not diluted by a group. I cannot do group friendship that’s what I learnt I don’t like package tours either for similar reasons maybe your just not supposed to follow the crowd OP and maybe you’ll discover some nicer people to spend time with in the meantime be kind to yourself and take a break from the Social media world because its a self promotion tool of comparison and that can be the thief of Joy. Find what makes you happy and dwell in that space in real time.

I do feel for you op, I had similar but not the same a while ago. I kept trying to ignore the hurt it caused but one day I just said enough is enough. You don't need people like that in your life, you are worth more than that . Once you can move on from them emotionally you will feel stronger for it .
Please let us know outcome 💐

I honestly find it so rude when OPs disappear. People have taken time and care to comment and don’t even receive a thanks or an update! Unbelievably frustrating.

I just think OP is upset and hurt. Maybe she thought about why she posted this on MN.

When I fell out and we mutually ended a best friend friendship in my mid 20s I felt very alone and upset. Luckily I made other friends.

Agree with this. Of course, you can argue that nobody forces anyone to write in a forum and OPs are full within their right to start a thread and disappear. Judging by the responses, she only spent the 30mins after starting the thread to reply and then decided to never come back. But on a human level, if hundreds of strangers came to show their support and understanding for her personal situation, many sharing stories of their own, it's common decency to at least give a single update or thanks.

Based purely on behaviour, it indicates why OP might have been on the periphery of a friendship group. There are some women who thrive on a bit of drama & attention...start a MN thread or call friends when they feel down and then completely abandon those that took time to support them once things start looking better.

Oh well, she might as well never use MN ever again she obviously isn't worthy!!!!! You people that's why there so much hate every where, where is you compassion!!!

Over exaggeration much?

Nobody is obliged to come back, but when you post a post saying that all your frends have gone out without you and people respond saying that they’re obviously all bitches (despite no-one knowing the details) and after having received all that confirmation that she is obviously in the right, it’s not unreasonable for posters to wonder why bother posting if you’re not actually going to engage in the thread.

Personally I’d like to hear the other friends’ version of events, because I would bet money there is a reason why she wasn’t invited out, something which others have als suggested here, but people are so quick to assume that an OP is the victim in these cases, that that opinion just isn’t considered here.

I'm a bit worried about her

In your position I’d want to know why especially since you’ve said they’re your main friendship group where you live? It’s kind of hard and awkward for you in that case to chuck them all as you’ll be in a fairly isolated position then. Therefore I’d ‘divide and conquer’ - I wouldn’t post anything on the group chat but I would contact one or two of the group members that I got on with the best privately and arrange to go on on a one on one coffee date with them to ‘catch up’ but actually find out why I wasn’t invited to the night out. It could 1. genuinely be an oversight (although unlikely) or 2. something a lot more sinister, likely instigated or agreed on by one or two of the ringleaders (who are the organisers/queen bees of the group?) It would seem at least one person has a problem with you if it is option 2. In that case not staying in the group but staying friends with the neutral or nicer people is what I would do, while you look for a few new friends. (Surely there are people outside of this friendship group where you live that you don’t know well yet that could be great to get to know?) And then make your own group 🤷🏼‍♀️ At that point I’d leave the original group chat. Take charge!

This actually happened to me 12 years ago, I joined a company that had a sister company attached to it, both companies worked together closely though. The clique of women was in the sister company so I saw them all daily and we’d all chat in the office. However as I was from a different country, different culture, different accent and upbringing, maybe seemed confident to them and was bringing in 50% of profits for my company, they felt threatened? So the ‘ringleader’ organised a birthday night out but I was literally the only person in the office not invited. It was blatantly obvious. So I just confronted her directly in front of everyone and told her what I thought 🤷🏼‍♀️ I then went on to join a photography group in my city and a women’s social group, made a ton of friends and left the cliquey, low vibe workplace a year later with no regrets 🖕Take charge, make things work for you 😉

Chances are they made a new chat and 'forgot' to add you. Could be they all hate you, could be the one person responsible for adding you didn't for whatever reason. Only way is to ask one of them on another medium or else you'll be talking to the air.

Jesus wept….holy, stinky f*ck…how vile, judgemental & self centred are these comments - I’m out, going to have a cider and a chill - way to waspy in here… 🤦‍♀️

This is good advice. While it is understandable for people to advise the OP to bin the lot of them ,it’s not great to be isolated and making new friends is not always quick or straightforward (there are plenty of threads where people say how hard it is)

Lovely, caring people don’t exclude people from a friendship group. They don’t make “secret “ WhatsApp groups and they don’t post on social media knowing that the group member they have excluded will see the post.

I would think that the OP would not be hurt if she knew what she had done wrong. She hasn’t been back but AIBU is not really a pleasant place to be if you’re feeling hurt, particularly when PPs immediately jump on and accuse OP of creating the situation herself.

What is does do is split opinion, those that justify and those that empathise.

OPs back story may be revealing and the thread may have helped her unpick what has lead up to this situation. Alternatively it may have just reinforced what utter bitches some groups of women can be. For a significant number of PPs, who have experienced exclusion, it has a long lasting, if not permanent affect on how they approach friendships. And the inability to trust friends means that you tend not to commit to friendships and effectively self exclude yourself out of fear of being hurt again.

For anyone who has been part of a group that has excluded the boring one, the flaky one, the intelligent one, the successful one or any other one, I hope you learn just how much it hurts that person. They may not float your boat but you can bet money that they valued your friendship 100x more than you valued them.

Well obviously you’re not going to get the other girls’ side of the story, are you??? This is MN, not Judge Judy

As a pp asked, are you closer to one or two in the group? If so, you could say ' that evening look good, bit gutted i wasn't there' - see what response you get?

Why are people still responding to this when OP has clearly checked out?! It will have turned out to be nothing, otherwise she'd have come back for more advice.

Absolutely this. Though back in the day I would have probably done as you did. But they aren't worth your time, so just save yourself the aggro, and back out now. As others have said, you will find new friends, and be so much better off for cutting the poison out of your life.

Message your closest friend from the group and ask why? Be polite and honest, you found it hurtful and bewildering, see what they say.
I can understand the hurt, but even if the answer is not one you hope for, it might provide some closure.

@Siestamama what was her response when you confronted her?

It was a while ago but from memory I think she was in denial, she literally had her back to me and was on her phone (which was also rude 😂). I remember her saying she didn’t know why she hadn’t invited me 🤨 it was a bit of a copout, but then she was a two faced snake 🤷🏼‍♀️ No good reason or excuse.

Wow, so spineless. Bet she thought twice about doing that again to anyone! Well done you for outing that behaviour 👏

I read it wrong. Bet you’re upset about the current rumours

>it will have turned out to be nothing.

Or, she's feeling too sensitive to face more AIBU victim blaming that 'it must have been your fault, somehow.'