Am I selfish if I don't give but don't take?

[SwimmingProblems]

This is part of an ongoing issue with lifts to swimming in which I don't offer lifts but equally have never accepted one. (I have given lifts in emergencies and am happy to do so)

Anyway I'm on a WA group for lift sharing, I was added year ago but remained as it also shares other details (secondhand kit etc) also I've helped out people when they had an emergency (by private message)

People obviously do not think I'm on the group as this morning a message from a parent says

'Why is SwimmingProblems so selfish, she never does her share of the driving'

And a few others have added to agree that I should be sharing the driving.

I can't decide to reply or just leave the group.

Awkward
Why don’t you share lifts?

Weird they think it’s your share as you never benefit from their arrangements, I would reply that you don’t commit to lift sharing and as you don’t benefit from their arrangements you don’t owe them anything.

I would reply and say I do my share of the driving, I transport my own child and never ask anyone else for lifts.

I'd tell them you're only remaining a member to get second hand kit

Why don't you offer lifts if that's what the group is for? It's seems odd to join the group and not take part in what it is about.

I’d reply “I know, she’s awful isn’t she?” and wait to see what happens!

if you don't want to lift share, don't.
you aren't expecting lifts from them, so it's not selfish.

Definitely do this.

They just want to take advantage of you. They don't care about doing you favours or they would've noticed and mentioned that you don't ask for lifts. Selfish bastards.

Depends how bothered I was as to whether I replied or not.

If I thought i needed to explain myself, I might just say "Although this is a lift sharing group, I'm not on it to lift share (and as you know, I've never asked for a lift from anyone on here) I'm on this group for the 2nd hand kit. Happy to be removed from the group if you all think this is beyond the pale of me!"

I wouldn't remove myself from the group. Let them think about their pettiness and have to consciously decide to get rid of me.

However, if you have ever, even once, accepted a lift (whether it was an emergency for you or not), you should reciprocate.

@Jifmicroliquid I think I'm going to put that, I think I'd rather they know I've seen it.

As for the group, it is a whats app group that I was added to, I've stayed for the secondhand stuff and I've given lifts when people are stuck.

I think being in a lift group but not doing lifts is pointless and I’d just leave after adding the message

I do give lifts, in an emergency, and have collected swimmers and taken them home.

I'm not willing to become part of a carpool, or I take this, you next sort of arrangement.

Out of interest why don’t you?

But is it selfish to not be in a carpool?

Not selfish at all. You don't expect lifts so I don't see the problem. They sound bitchy.

Presumably because it becomes a PITA when other people are late to collect your child or hold you up when you collect theirs or it restricts your ability to do something before or after. She says she has helped on occasion. She doesn't expect lifts from others so why does she need to?

I would say "I'm sure she'd love to know how you feel. Oh wait ..."

There are lots of reasons, but the main one is simply I don't want to.

I enjoy the time in the car with dc, I like going to support. When we travel I like the option to visit the town before or after or to stay over

Also I find that carpools are rarely equal, and someone always takes the piss.

I would respond with ‘Yes, you’re right I don’t take part in the regular lift sharing (either offering or accepting lifts). I am in the group as I do offer lifts in an emergency when needed and when I can help (I also find the second hand uniform part of the group useful) but I’m happy to leave if the consensus is that the group is for regular lift sharing only’

Not in and of itself, but if you're driving past 2 kids houses on your way home, then it is a bit. However, I appreciate that being held up waiting for other people's kids is a PITA.

@Spirallingdownwards I didn’t say she had to.

All fair reasons OP but I’d just leave the group so as to avoid the drama.

This is a good response.

This.

IRL you are being unreasonable-a lift is no big deal if you're going anyway and it makes life a little easier for everyone.

On Mumsnet - a lift? I'd rather give a kidney!

It's very strange.

I don't lift share or take either. It's more of a burden than anything. If we cancel or we can't attend for any reason then it's a burden to then have someone else's kid relying on me. I wouldn't have joined the group though. However, what kind of a parent so blatantly says that? Such a cheek it's not like anyone was taking your kid.