Am I selfish if I don't give but don't take?

[SwimmingProblems]

This is part of an ongoing issue with lifts to swimming in which I don't offer lifts but equally have never accepted one. (I have given lifts in emergencies and am happy to do so)

Anyway I'm on a WA group for lift sharing, I was added year ago but remained as it also shares other details (secondhand kit etc) also I've helped out people when they had an emergency (by private message)

People obviously do not think I'm on the group as this morning a message from a parent says

'Why is SwimmingProblems so selfish, she never does her share of the driving'

And a few others have added to agree that I should be sharing the driving.

I can't decide to reply or just leave the group.

Uh-oh OP I think the WhatsApp poster has found the thread. 🤣 🤣 🤣
Quick... if you delete the post it'll make her unsee it. 😜

Glad you were able to let them know you'd seen the message in a light-hearted way.

Frankly, if it IS 'selfish' to want time alone with your own child, to not be constantly delayed and put-upon by others, etc., then I'd just settle for being thought of as selfish! Being willing to help in an emergency is generous enough. No need to agree to regularly sacrifice your own happiness and convenience simply to make things marginally nicer for them. They're doing what suits them best, so why shouldn't you?

People can be so tiresome!

What is "second-hand kit"? And why is it good or bad?

OP--I don't blame you a bit. In the days I had my kids, I became the "driver". Though I didn't always mind, I did start to resent the fact that it started to become just expected rather than appreciated. I know I could have said something and I didn't, but it did chap my hide. (This was long before the internet and cranking the Model T up wasn't fun in the winter. 😉)

What I don’t get is, if people didn’t think you were in the ‘lift sharing’ watsapp group, why did they think you would offer to lift share in the first place? Assuming you only joined that particular watsapp to be a volunteer for regular lift sharing?

Would’ve been the person who posted it, embarrassed when they realised the OP was there. Tbh this was all clear from the OP’s posts

Maybe the OP is like me. Never just goes to one place. goes to XYZ before and/or after?

I refuse to carpool to work because of that.

Ah Ok I get it - duh.

This is one of the best updates by an OP I’ve ever seen

I love how hard they must’ve died inside when they saw a message from you 🙈

Good for you op!

Do this!!!!

She did

Thanks for all the measages, especially ones that articulate better why I don't want to be drawn into a car pool, I feel a bit more normal now. Most other parents seem to think I'm weird for not wanting to share and stay at home.

Anyway no real update.
After I posted my messages one of the mums that hadn't commented on me being mean just posted to say that I must stay and that it wasn't a group just for regular carpool but for emergency lifts and everything else. Lots of hearts to this message (but not from the one that deleted the original post)

Chat has all moved on and back to normal, so I'm glad you all gave me the words to say something.

Thanks for the update OP, nice to hear you have some support in the group. The original poster has really shown her true colours.

OP, I guarantee if she wasn't bitching about you, it would be someone else.

Her type are always bitching about someone.

She has embarrassed herself hugely, she knows it, as do the others.

I would give her a wide berth and carrybon as suits you.