Am I selfish if I don't give but don't take?

[SwimmingProblems]

This is part of an ongoing issue with lifts to swimming in which I don't offer lifts but equally have never accepted one. (I have given lifts in emergencies and am happy to do so)

Anyway I'm on a WA group for lift sharing, I was added year ago but remained as it also shares other details (secondhand kit etc) also I've helped out people when they had an emergency (by private message)

People obviously do not think I'm on the group as this morning a message from a parent says

'Why is SwimmingProblems so selfish, she never does her share of the driving'

And a few others have added to agree that I should be sharing the driving.

I can't decide to reply or just leave the group.

Fair enough. Personally, I can't imagine driving past other people going to the same place I was going to without picking them up. But hey. Each to their own.

I would pick up other adults, but not kids and not on a regular basis either.

God, I'd you're not taking the piss by taking lifts but not offering them, then you do you. If you enjoy the time with dc, then that's great.

Bet the women who posted is mortified.

Have they booted you off since OP or has everyone gone silent?

I often do errands like supermarket shops on the way back from such trips, or might choose to eat out to save cooking.

It isn't always convenient to have someone else's kids with you.

No

@Citrusandginger "It isn't always convenient to have someone else's kids with you."
Of course not. But that doesn't mean it never is!

I don't offer to pick up other people's children or ask people to pick up mine either. My own children are my responsibility and I don't want to be responsible for others nor to entrust them with my children.

Like OP, I will help out if someone is incredibly stuck for some reason on a rare occasion or if we are good friends with the other family.

Well done for being so clear and level headed

If you don’t use anyone else for a lift then all is good!! Just say that “selfish would be if I used someone else to ferry my child, I do not so there’s no issue.”

This.

I did this when my kids were at clubs. I hate the expectation that as you are going you can pick up and drop off xy and z.

I never relied on anyone or had anyone relying on me which meant I could do what i wanted before and after drop off or pick up and more importantly if we couldn't make a club it didn't affect anyone.

I do think it's selfish to be part of a 'regular lifts WhatsApp group' purely for the second hand uniform, but with no intention of giving regular lifts

Reply can you explain when I’ve been selfish? I’ve helped when asked in an emergency situation I do not offer lifts on a regular basis because I do other things before & straight after; I have never asked for lifts from anyone.
I like to do my own thing of course if this makes me selfish the I must be a dreadfully horribly selfish person.
Thank you all for letting me know where I stand within the group & for tge character assassination.
Byyyyeeee

Sort of get the feeling the group all put themselves out for each other and you only joined the group to freeload on second-hand kit. The primary focus of the group is to support each other - EXCEPT YOU - you just want to freeload on second-hand kit opportunities. I'd boot you out of the group.

I think this is a really good response.

Ah I posted without reading this update 🙄. As I said I think this is a great response.

I would have to respond factually and say ‘no one has ever given my child a lift, I am in this group to give emergency lifts, not regular lifts.’

Great reply OP 😂 im glad you let her know, i bet she feels silly now!

Hi ...I'm in the group so that if anyone is stuck and I can help I will.....as many of you know when I've helped you out. Lift shares don't work for my busy life which is why I never have asked anyone to take x for me and do it myself.
Parent x, u ,z how exactly is this unfair to you?

I don’t get that feeling at all. Everyone acting out of the goodness of their hearts? Nah. It’ll be one or two grabby types who benefit from a lift share much more than they lose (because these things are never equal e.g they might live a bit more out of the way than some of the group) and so don’t like to see someone ‘slacking’.

From the thread title, I was expecting a post about oral sex but I'm delighted to read you used the fab suggestions on here and I hope that bitchy woman is cringing from here to Timbuktu and back again.
I'd have quoted her message at the top of my reply so everyone could see it whether she deleted or not

We have a similar situation with our child’s sport. The other parents all share lifts, but we always take our child ourselves. When anyone has been really stuck I’ve offered a lift, but don’t want to regularly car pool. I enjoy watching my child and enjoy having that time with them.

I know that some of the other parents find this strange and are resentful of us, but as you say, I’ve never asked for a lift and never will. If we can’t take them, they don’t go.

I don’t understand why people over schedule themselves and need to rely on others.

Amen to that!! This is me! Absolutely hate being tied to someone else’s schedule and I enjoy the time with my kid! And there’s always piss takers, they are probably the ones giving off in the messages. Some people want everyone else to ferry their kids around. Stick to your guns and let them know it!

😂😂😂😂😂😂