To not think 41 is that old for pregnancy

[User7778889]

I was lucky enough to have kids in my early 30’s but obviously many aren’t. Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.

I'm 37 with a 6 Yr old. I feel too old for another now. That maybe because from 1.5 to 4 I did most of it on my own and was knackered!

Totally standard amongst my group. Visiting a friend tomorrow who's pregnant with her second at 44 and saw a friend yesterday who had her one and only at 42. And my Irish grandmothers had their last kids at 40 and 43, so it's not just a present day thing. Your hubby should chill.

There’s no guarantee of anything in life, my mum had me at 22 and died at 46. But obviously, statistically if you have kids older you are going to see less of their adult lives, and if you have kids younger you run a more realistic chance of being around for longer. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either choice, but it doesn’t make the facts of aging any less real. It’s such a personal choice.

IME 10 year olds are easy, it's having a dependant adult child at 59/60 ( possibly whilst caring for aging parents) I wouldn't fancy.

Well it just goes to show doesn't it ? Of course you don't need to, legally they are adults however DS has been away for just over a year and we have driven there and back a total of 9 times ( 3 hours each way) he has short terms and needs to vacate his room between terms. He also became unwell so there was a rescue mission in the middle of that. This is on top of 2 full-time jobs ( in order to support him at University and his sister who is doing her -levels), they are both learning to drive ( delayed due to pandemic) but that is more expense. I am very glad it is all going to be done before we are 55.

Those are valid concerns but they have nothing to do with uni runs.

Interesting that you still think those are valid concerns though.

I definitely think it's worth it and people saying well you'd rather be here than not at all, of course, that goes without saying. But it absolutely has an impact and there are things to consider. I have someone close to me who had children very late in life and I worry for the little one as the grandparents have passed on one side and the other side are approaching 80. He doesn't have any younger members of the family to play with and their approach is quite old fashioned- very much children should be seen and not heard and the focus is on behaving and manners. It worries me that perhaps they were very set in their ways and hadn't been around many children before making the decision to go ahead. Of course they love the child and he is well cared for and he has brought a lot of happiness. But I do think you've got to have a young at heart attitude if you're in the position of having children later in life and really make an effort to have a good support network of friends for you and for your child when the rest of the family are ageing so that you've got your own 'family' to fall back on and so they can form those bonds that they may miss out on with such a big gap between other children in the family. My parents did a really good job with this and as I said before, I never noticed that they were older parents until they've hit mid 70s ( and there have been various health issues along the way in their 50s and 60s such as cancer so I know full well that health isn't a given at any age.)

There's no guarantee of that no matter what age you have children.

You could live to 95 but your child may never get married or have children, or you could die at 35 and miss everything. You have no idea either way.

Of course. But as I said, obviously you are more likely to see more of your adult kids lives if you have them younger.

They're valid to an extent but they're certainly not the only consideration. Furthermore, some of the issues can be alleviated by money (being able to buy better healthcare, being able to contribute financially towards grandchildren's childcare etc) which has been made possible by waiting until I was financially secure before having children.

And "uni runs at 60!!!!" does not remotely factor into anything I have concerns about.

Another one who thinks it's old but not a worry for the child's future.

which has been made possible by waiting until I was financially secure before having children.

Aren't most people stable before 41?

I wasn't 41.

Anyway, your point is...?

Read the thread title.

I was talking about myself and one of the advantages I have observed from being older when I became a mother.

I am not fully apprised of the situation of the woman in the OP's post so cannot really comment.

However, if she did only become financially secure at 41, and that was a factor in the decision to delay childbearing, do you think she should have had children earlier before she could afford them? Or do you think she should have not had them at all?

So, would you deny yourself the joy of a child because you were 40 instead of say 37?!

My mum was 37 when she had me in the early sixties. She was the oldest mum by far in the playground and people used to think she was my grandma! My parents are both now dead and because I had my children in my early twenties she got to know them when they were growing up. Had I waited til I was 37 she wouldn't have.

As my DM ( 74 to my 47 if anyone cares) says : " it isn't about you".

Perimenopause hit me hard at 46. I personally don’t think I would have coped with a small child, peri and a job.

But everyone keeps talking about how teenagers are so hard. Would it be better to go through perimenopause with a 15-year-old?

Or an 18-year-old, when one might be dealing with perimenopause, a job and uni runs to contend with?

I wouldn’t want to have a baby at that age. I was a lot younger than that and felt that, physically, I was far better able to cope with the strains. Mentally and financially, I could cope better
now though to be fair.

My auntie was just short of 46 when she had one but had her first at 30. All she could do was whinge that she’d been raising kids for 30 years. My mum just got fed up with her and said ‘but you have, so stop moaning’!!

It is old to have a child.

But nothing for your husband to worry about.

I’m sure he isn’t even giving it a second thought today!

My mum was 42 when I was born in the 80s. She's now 79, still working (out of choice), fit and healthy, has a better social life than I do, helps me a lot with my own kids. My kids' other grandparents are 10+ years younger than her and aren't fit enough to go for a walk round the block.

It's fine to have some natural concern and the health risks are higher but she's not a write off.

Everyone is different though. I had my children younger - when I'm 42 I will have a 14 year old and an 11 year old!