To not think 41 is that old for pregnancy

[User7778889]

I was lucky enough to have kids in my early 30’s but obviously many aren’t. Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.

That wasn't actually about me. It was a question.

But this is about me. I am 60. DC3 is 20. My mum who would have been 80 now has been dead for nearly 20 years.

It is what it is. I'd 100% do the same again. Circumstances just didn't go my way.

That's not a reason not to have a baby.

Non-one has a guarantee they will experience this.

So geniune question do people generally have more engery and patience at 56 than at 46 ? So therefore more able to cope with these competing demands than they would have been 10 years earlier ? 47 here and am not sure I am really in peri, I missed one period a year ago, but they have been pretty clockwork since then. No other symptoms to speak of.

The question "would you deny yourself ? "

Is the purpose of having children ultimate self actualisation ? Is there not a responsibility that goes with that around putting the child's needs above your own ? In my opinion that should extend backwards to pre-conception.

I didn’t say or suggest you shouldn’t have a baby at that age, so your comment is irrelevant.

It's not up to you to decide what is and is not relevant.

I had my 1st child at 26 if I had my time back and got to choose again I would def have started earlier.
My parents were in the mid and late 40’s having me and are now in their mid & late 80’s I have 3 children now 1 is autistic and another has adhd and trying to juggle work, teenagers (hormones) and caring for elderly parents is intense especially as I feel I don’t have the time or am in the right mental space to care for my parents as best as I could than if I had had had my children younger if that makes sense?
Most of my friends their parents are in their 60’s and it is hard to see the support they get from their parents, that they take the grandchildren on trips, sleepovers etc
I sometimes feel like my children have missed out on this as well and it’s hard not only caring for my kids but also my parents

I can give opinions just as you can. Your comment was irrelevant to mine, because I hadn’t said or suggested anybody shouldn’t have a child.

Oh come off it! Of course people have babies because they want them!!!

People don't tend to have babies for selfless, altruistic reasons!!

Most people do consider that potential child's future needs when planning a pregnancy but do not try to assert that people have babies for any other reason than to satisfy that desire in themselves, because you would be just wrong.

Otherwise the population would die out!

Having a baby in your early 40s is perfectly fine and I refuse to be judged for it by people who didn't have issues with fertility and miscarriage for years!!

You said, "Do you not feel sad that you may never see your grandkids be born? Might miss weddings etc. maybe that’s what worries some people".

I said that that is not a reason to not have a baby.

Explain how it's irrelevant because I am frankly baffled!!?

Study after study has shown that tudy after study has shown that the children of older parents grow up in wealthier households, lead more stable lives, and do better in school. So your husband is an arse.

I’ve already explained… I wasn’t suggesting that anyone shouldn’t have a baby. If you can’t understand I’m not wasting my time further explaining to you.

I had a surprise pregnancy at 41. Gave birth at 42. Yes, I think it probably is a bit too old for pregnancy, being honest. However my baby is perfect and we're getting on with things fine. I was as surprised as anyone to get the positive test. I do think it's quite old to try and purposefully get pregnant. I would never have considered a termination though because she was only my second child. I will be 60 when she is 18 and I feel that's too old to have a teenager but it is what it is. I'd rather have her than not.

Or if you had had your children later, then you might not have had to care for your parents? I know they would still have missed out on grandchildren, and vice versa.

I can imagine you must be very torn and stressed dealing with the conflicting priorities. Try to look after you too.

I had my first at 34. I suffered from years of infertility. I had miscarriages after my 2nd so had my 3rd at 40. My parents were both dead by the time my eldest was 9, as was DH's father. My mum was a very young mother.

You can never know how these things will go. You just do what is right for you at the time.

Lots of people ( in fact the global majority) have babies because they find themselves pregnant ( 50% of births are the result of an unintended pregnancy)

This very western and privileged attitude that pregnancy will happen at the individual's will and convenience is an illusion.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago where the OP was 28 and pregnant with her first child. She had apparently experienced a lot of comments from other people about the age of 28 being far too young to have a baby, and that she should have waited until her 30's.
So, now we have " 41 is too old " , and last week was " 28 is too young". It seems to me that whatever a woman does or doesn't do, she is always wrong.

aint that the truth ?

I’m 41 and I had an embryo transfer last week. Your husband can fuck right off 😊

I should have qualified that 50% of births in the UK are the result of an unintended pregnancy, world wide I should imagine it's much higher.

OK then - of those who choose to actively try for a baby then??? My bad - I thought the discussion was around planning proactively to have a baby???

I'm pretty sure the majority of the posters on MN are in the western world!

Massive good luck wishes coming your way!!

I think it’s completely normal now - especially where I live. Not old at all.

All those comments parents / aunts / blah blah who had children in their 40s aren’t people in their 40s now, who are much healthier than that generation.

I’m 43 and wish I could have had another at 41. Sadly I couldn’t because of my DH’s v low sperm count. If I had a two year old I’d be thrilled. It’d be great. Tbh even though I’m in the perimenopause i think I’d still feel fine to have a pregnancy / baby now (with the right HRT immediately after!).

Well I am in the Western world and my 1st DS wasn't completely planned amonst my friends and family I think the 50:50 stat is about right ( all these people are professionals and have degrees).

If you had qualified that statement in the first place, then I would have responded that, in the UK, continuing with those pregnancies or not is CHOICE.... therefore parents ARE actively deciding to have those babies.

That statistic is shocking if it's accurate. Why are people so bloody irresponsible?!

So my point is I suppose getting on board and commiting o an unplanned pregnancy is not an act of self actualisation, it is somewhat alturistic.