Would you consider this grabby?

[Moggetrules]

After 8 looong years of fertility treatments and 3 IVF cycles, our rainbow miracle baby is due in May.

Given the length of time and both of us in good employment, there's a nest egg saved up for this baby. Therefore we don't really need anything.

Also, majority of our families on both sides is scattered all over the world, so we're thinking what we're about to propose makes sense.

Please bear in mind there was cancer on both of our sides and a genetic problem in DH's family that is now treatable with stem cells.

We are considering, instead of any presents for the baby (no baby shower horrors, but we do send a little something when a baby arrives), to ask, if anyone is so inclined, for contributions towards stem cell saving.

I am aware there is a free NHS service, but you just donate the stem cells there and, if someone requires them before your DC, they give them to the first person in need. This is why we're considering a private scheme.

Would you consider this grabby/gauche to ask? We would not be asking for the whole fee coverage, of course, but rather if someone wants to gift something to the baby, I feel a small contribution for a potentially lifesaving solution would be much appreciated.

So, AIBU - yes, you're grabby or no, it's a good idea?

Hopeful bump.

I don’t understand I’m afraid?

are you asking for charity donation? Or axrual
atem cells? What does it involve??

Not necessarily grabby. More depressing than grabby. People want to celebrate when you have a baby. And look forward to the joy that follows.

Oh is it a few to save the baby’s stem cells??

I don’t really know what you’re talking about.

Thing is, when people ask for money I always feel I have to give ‘enough’ or not at all. Whereas otherwise I’d buy a few hats for £5-10. So I wouldn’t personally like it (and probably wouldn’t do it), and it sounds like you could afford it yourselves anyway.

we asked people to bring a favourite children’s book - we got all sorts of books we didn’t know, and no one spent much at all.

Stem cell in private saving is a bit pricey, involves an upfront fee of around £1000 (depending on the level of service) and an annual fee of around £100.

We'd be telling people, if they ask what we'd like for the baby, that a contribution towards the initial fee would be much appreciated.

Does that sound okay?

I understand it. We looked into it for ours. I would be more than happy to donate if one of my family requested. Its a good idea.

People will want to buy for the baby no matter how wealthy you are.

Can’t you just spend the money you have saved already for whatever stem cell treatment you want and let people give you baby things the normal way? Same result, no cringy questions.

I would think it’s a really odd request. Why don’t you spend the ‘nest egg’ on the stem cell thing and then others can buy you the traditional/ practical baby items?

I think it's a lovely idea and I'd be happy to donate if you were a close family member or friend.

I don't know.

i kind of get your point, but also feel like, you're saying you don't want your baby to have things other people have chosen & don't want to spend your money on this.

its kind of denying other people the warm fuzzies of buying a gift for your baby.

I would potentially ask for money towards a larger item you might need like a push chair and then just put that money towards what you want, but considering you have a large nest egg
I'm not sure why you would even want help contributing to the costs if it's so important to you.

Of course, we could do that, we just thought that participating in something that could one day be lifesaving might be a bit more involved, especiallyfor our families. But I get your point.

It's not grabby, but I agree with PP that your friends and family will want to celebrate this beautiful baby and maybe not think about the medical treatment that your little one might need down the line. Also, people really like buying baby clothes etc., it's fun!

If people ask what you'd like I think it's ok to say about the stem cell storage, but otherwise I'd just let people have the pleasure of buying a cute outfit.

Well, you just said that you aren’t short of money - so I think it would be really appropriate for you to pay for this yourselves and not ask others to contribute.

Re: baby gifts, I think people often really enjoy enjoy choosing and wrapping them, and you are taking that away when you don’t need to, it seems a bit miserable really.

Don't take people's joy away from buying nice baby things. You have a nest egg, use that.

If this is something really important to you then why not pay yourselves?
I think asking people can be a bit awkward, they might feel they have to give more than they can afford when it's a cash gift. Just allow people to gift what they choose

I think you're well entitled to ask it and I wouldn't resent it at all.

I would think about whether you're okay sharing a potentially anxiety provoking situation with friends and family who will be around your child as they grow up. I would expect that they might be a bit inclined to doom and gloom and hyper-alertness or even gossip and drama and that would drive me mad. So I would probably limit this request to very close and calm relatives if savings etc didn't cover it. But you know your people best!

Trust your judgement and I hope you and your family will be well and happy.

Sorry it's a bit odd, people want to buy a little pack of baby grows, cuddly toy etc

Lovely idea and would happily donate

This

I’m a bit confused. So the baby doesn’t have any condition confirmed or diagnosed but you want to ask for donations for IF the baby inherits this condition?

No, you say you have money saved so don't need anything. Spend that money on this idea that's a smite depressing and let people celebrate the baby the way people have always done.