Would you consider this grabby?

[Moggetrules]

After 8 looong years of fertility treatments and 3 IVF cycles, our rainbow miracle baby is due in May.

Given the length of time and both of us in good employment, there's a nest egg saved up for this baby. Therefore we don't really need anything.

Also, majority of our families on both sides is scattered all over the world, so we're thinking what we're about to propose makes sense.

Please bear in mind there was cancer on both of our sides and a genetic problem in DH's family that is now treatable with stem cells.

We are considering, instead of any presents for the baby (no baby shower horrors, but we do send a little something when a baby arrives), to ask, if anyone is so inclined, for contributions towards stem cell saving.

I am aware there is a free NHS service, but you just donate the stem cells there and, if someone requires them before your DC, they give them to the first person in need. This is why we're considering a private scheme.

Would you consider this grabby/gauche to ask? We would not be asking for the whole fee coverage, of course, but rather if someone wants to gift something to the baby, I feel a small contribution for a potentially lifesaving solution would be much appreciated.

So, AIBU - yes, you're grabby or no, it's a good idea?

I don’t think it’s grabby but I do think it’s a bit strange. I absolutely hate being asked to donate to people’s pet charities though, maybe more than most, I have my own thanks so if I am giving money to charity I will give to one of those. I also think it’s fun to buy something for a baby so if you are telling me not to buy for baby I’d just leave it and turn up with flowers.

Not so much grabby as weird (although I understand why). People will feel compelled to do it.

why not just let those who want to give you something buy a few babygrows or or something they feel appropriate. People want to give something small for the baby or to help you, and might enjoy actually choosing something.

i mean this kindly, I honestly think some kind of counselling to help you move in is a really good idea before you have the baby. I say that as someone who also took 8 years to conceive. I struggled with depression after my first child was born because I hadn’t processed it all properly and had channelled every bit of my emotional energy into having a baby.

It’s strange and presumptuous. People may feel obliged to buy a typical new baby present and also make a donation. The odd £10 or £20 (ie. the price of a baby-grow or two ) isn’t going to go very far, so people may feel obliged to make bigger financial gestures. Use your nest egg to fund it, as others have said, and be grateful for any presents you get.