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Original poster

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

436 replies

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

OP posts:
feelingalittlehorse · 10/11/2023 21:02

Realistically, this situation isn’t fair on anyone. The children are being put in harms way, and clearly this dog is anxious (hence the medication) and therefore showing nervous aggression. Putting that dog out of their comfort zone by having visitors is both totally irresponsible, and terribly unfair on the dog.
I have an extremely boisterous, 42kg labrador. He’s friendly as anything, but do I let him socialise with my friends young children? No. Because he may knock them over and injure them. It’s part of being a responsible dog owner.

As a moot point, I adore my dogs to the moon and back. If any of them ever showed any aggression to someone, I’d have them euthanised without question.

JanefromLondon1 · 10/11/2023 21:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

bumtrumpet · 10/11/2023 21:05

Just say no. You know this dog has a bite history. If you take your DC into that environment and they're bitten, some of that blame lies with you! Just say no and meet elsewhere. Who's more important here. Your MIL or your DC?

Original poster
Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 21:06

This is what I've said, I've written

"Evening mama, thank you for inviting us to papa's 70th Birthday, we're all looking forward to seeing him and you. I know this is something we've spoken about numerous times, but we cannot come if Zorro is still there. There has been too many serious incidents with him and although you have mentioned that he has calmed down with you and papa, we are all not comfortable being around him. We'd love to come but if Zorro is still around then we'll have to arrange another time when you can stay with us. What are your plans for Zorro on the day?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 10/11/2023 21:06

The dog has a history of harming people AND YOU ARE STILL CONSIDERING GOING?

Just no.

They won't get the message until either you say no or someone is very seriously injured.

This isn't a choice. Or at least it shouldn't be.

seeyounexttuesluv · 10/11/2023 21:07

If she loves your kids she wouldn't suggest you coming over with that dog around them. I would never forgive myself for letting anything happen to my grandkids. I have a terrier who can be nippy moron when over excited, but he's small and easily put behind a stairgate. No way would allow him to mix and bite anyone and injure them.

Ricco12 · 10/11/2023 21:10

Any experienced and responsible owner of a bull breed would have that dog PTS. I’m a SBT owner and the damage that dog could do is catastrophic. You MIL is an idiot. With the issues around XL bullies and the DDA the last think our breed needs is an owner who thinks it’s acceptable to give a SBT who has attacked people. SBT are lovely dogs but as with any breed you do get ones with temperament flaws and if a dog bites it should be PTD especially a powerful dog like a Stafford . Sorry but good relationship or not I would be telling this woman she is a complete idiot who clearly has no clue what she is dealing with. People like this shouldn’t own dogs.

BrimfulOfMash · 10/11/2023 21:10

“Hi FIL and MIL, really looking forward to seeing you, obviously we can’t bring the children into the house with Dog present so please let us know that he is taken care of elsewhere, Thank you xx”

And if you arrive and dog is present, leave.

Can’t imagine a worse situation: dog frightened with so many strangers in the house for the party, ILs busy and distracted with hosting so not keeping tabs on him, excited kids letting him out of a closed room…

You can’t be guilt tripped or held to ransom by your MIL’s irrational (and dangerous) behaviour.

ilovesushi · 10/11/2023 21:12

No way can you have your children in the same house as that dog. Nope, no, no way jose.

Ragwort · 10/11/2023 21:13

I can't believe you are just pussy Grin footing around with conciliatory messages when your ILs have a dog that has bitten people so badly that they were on crutches for 7 weeks !! Why are you being so soft?

All you need to say is 'as previously discussed we will not be visiting your home whilst dog is still living with you'.

Why are you so afraid of offending them?

Ramalangadingdong · 10/11/2023 21:13

I would not go. I would host at my place. I would not expose kids to a dangerous dog.

Maelil01 · 10/11/2023 21:15

I dont understand why the dog hasn’t been put down. Is it not compulsory for dogs that bite to be put down?

Rockstarqueen · 10/11/2023 21:16

Your SIL has created this situation, lack of training is why so many dogs are out of control and yes my friend who works with dogs who have behavioural issues said this herself. Have a look at Southend Dog Training, they’re very good and can be found on Facebook. Medication alone won’t help.
I would refuse to take my children to any house that housed a dangerous dog including family members, it’s not worth the risk.

GuinnessBird · 10/11/2023 21:19

No. Fucking. Way.

Maelil01 · 10/11/2023 21:19

idontlikealdi · 10/11/2023 20:33

Why do you think a staff is a dangerous dog?

Think the clue is in the name!

Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Bred to attack and fight bulls and bears. Their body strength and jaw strength makes them dangerous - genes will out.

Pipsquiggle · 10/11/2023 21:19

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 21:06

This is what I've said, I've written

"Evening mama, thank you for inviting us to papa's 70th Birthday, we're all looking forward to seeing him and you. I know this is something we've spoken about numerous times, but we cannot come if Zorro is still there. There has been too many serious incidents with him and although you have mentioned that he has calmed down with you and papa, we are all not comfortable being around him. We'd love to come but if Zorro is still around then we'll have to arrange another time when you can stay with us. What are your plans for Zorro on the day?

Well done @Kerrieanne85

I hope they get the message of what a dangerous liability that dog is

IHearTheMermaidsSinging · 10/11/2023 21:20

Don't, just don't! End of.

I was attacked by a dangerous dog when I was 8 years old, and I thought it was going to eat me. I had over 30 stitches in my leg from where it dragged me for yards along a garden.

All I was doing was standing waiting for my friend to come out to play.

I'm in my 60's now and still terrified of dogs.

Don't put your children at risk of this.
Don't leave them with this legacy.

ValerieGoldberg · 10/11/2023 21:20

Agree with other pp’s, don’t go. What’s worse, feeling on edge the entire visit and potentially one of your DC or you or DH get injured or cause offence to MIL who takes the huff?

Mrsgreen100 · 10/11/2023 21:24

Hard no

SkyFullofStars1975 · 10/11/2023 21:26

That's a good message. Well done for sending it.

BrimfulOfMash · 10/11/2023 21:29

Good message.

Hold firm and ‘grey rock’ any emotional come back. “I understand this is upsetting for you but we cannot make any other decision “. On repeat.

justasking111 · 10/11/2023 21:29

FourChimneys · 10/11/2023 19:12

If the dog maimed/killed one of your children how would you explain to the police you knowingly took them to house with an aggressive dog with a history of biting?

You might think your MIL is lovely but she's willing to risk the lives of her grandchildren.

No way on earth would I set foot in that house even without children.

I remember reading a case where a child was attacked by a relatives pet they knew to be dangerous. They were charged by the police for allowing the visit.

Tenero2311 · 10/11/2023 21:29

In response to the poster who said that Stafford’s were bred for bull baiting . Also bred as a close companion of people and one of only two breeds recommended by the U.K. kennel club as good for families with children.

MeridianB · 10/11/2023 21:32

Their ongoing selfish behaviour means you don’t need to hesitate about telling them you won’t be coming. They shouldn’t be surprised because they’ve already chosen this dog over family. So any ‘atmosphere’ is of their own making.

I hope the visitors from abroad aren’t staying with them!

limefrog · 10/11/2023 21:32

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Honestly I would be very blunt about it. It would be 'my kids, my way' I'm afraid. It's very black and white. If the dog is there, the kids are not. No negotiation.

That dog has bitten multiple times and injured people, it needs to be put to sleep.

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