Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

[Kerrieanne85]

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

Too late, the bloodlust has taken this thread. No one knows enough to make a judgement, not the 'KILL IT WITH FIRE' brigade nor I. There is a solution of locking the dog away with absolute assurances. The house could be massive for all we know. But better to just kill it, I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️. It's aggressive for a reason, they aren't born like that, they are made.

Good God, you both need to grow a pair and just tell them you have no intention of visiting whilst they have a dangerous dog in their house - a dog so dangerous it has to be medicated on a daily basis. MIL has admitted that it should have been put down over a year ago yet still expects you to visit with your DC. Why would you be worried about upsetting her when she clearly has no regard for the safety of anyone else. As for a house full of visitors, what could possibly go wrong - are you all waiting for it to inflict life changing injuries on someone before you take any action?

If the response is not a 100% assurance the dog will be elsewhere, then don't go.

Please be aware your MIL may SAY dog has had arrangements to be elsewhere on the day but then when you get there - the dog is still there. This happened to me years ago with going to stay with relative with one of my children who was very allergic to their dog. They said dog would be else where but when we got there - no - stinky dog was right there!

Think you already know the "answer" to this one dear!

Wow, what a dreadful situation for everyone involved. Poor Zorro, but we aren't talking Chihuahua here. He could easily kill a child or even an adult.

I love dogs and sympathize with your MIL, but they are being ridiculous. They need to find Zorro a rural home with no children, and sturdy fences, or bite the bullet.

Do their other guests know about the dog?

Is this visit for multiple days, or just one day there and back? Can you afford a BnB and see them there? I take it the dog can't be sent to a kennel due to the bite history?

How absolutely irresponsible of your sister-in-law to create this sad situation.

Cage it or muzzle it?

I wouldn’t allow my children to go to a house with a dog like that. If your DH wants to go he can go on his own. Stick to your guns and safeguard your children.

So it's not the dogs fault that it had crap owners who failed to train it and address a lot of key issues. But that does not excuse the situation.

The dog simply shouldn't be in the house your PIL do not sound like they know what they are doing, nor have they sought the right support with an expert.

Personally I wouldn't be going with my children. The only way I would be around a dog like that is if it was muzzled and kept in a separate room for the duration.

Your PIL are very stupid however to not be seeking the correct support, there are some people who will take them on if they believe the dog can be reformed. I strongly suggest they seek the proper advice.

That reads fine. I wouldn't go if the dog was there either.

Hi Op, so your SIL managed to wash her hands of responsibility by giving the dog to dog to MIL.
She knows the dogs dangerous and is keeping her baby safe. How is that fair on your children.

I wouldn’t go

kennels or the dC don’t go! Simple

Be fashionably late and hopefully ddog will be full up from eating other relatives to manage to eat your dc. Mil and sil are batshit inviting anyone but a vet round.

If they insist on keeping a dangerous dog (and would they forgive themselves if something really serious happened?) Why on earth haven't they got a trainer/behaviourist in? Who could either help and make the dog's life better or strongly push for PTS.
What a miserable existence having to drug it

Well written.

They need to find Zorro a rural home with no children, and sturdy fences, or bite the bullet.
Honestly, those of us who live in rural areas have no desire for dangerous dogs to be preferentially rehomed just around the corner. You see it a lot on descriptions of dogs who 'don't make doggie friends easily' or 'find children overly stimulating' on the websites of rehoming charities. Do they think there are no dogs or kids in the countryside?

OP, I love dogs, and have two of my own. I wouldn't go.

The problem with your message @Kerrieanne85 is that it’s too wish washy. You have made it sound like you are willing to visit their house with DC if the dog is suitably controlled.

You already know this dog is uncontrollable and dangerous. If she says “ oh yes, we will keep Zorro away in another room “ you have made it really hard to respond saying that isn’t good enough.

You should have explained that you can’t visit their home if the dog is there in any way, shape or form. They will just move the goalposts if you agree to any concessions around stair gates etc once you are there.

Completely agree with @1990thatsme

@Kerrieanne85 Please do not risk your children’s safety for this dog. It is a know biter for whatever reason. These dogs can be absolutely lovely but any dog who is known to bite and be dangerous and put people in the hospital have a screw loose. I don’t know the dogs history prior to the original bite but it may have been abused, “trained” for attacking, no one will know.

What you do know if the dog is not safe at all. It is unpredictable and it’s not fair on the dog or on anyone around it to put in unsafe situations. It’s setting everyone up for bad situations and dangerous. If the dog starts to attack everyone around is at risk as they try and get it off and no one knows what will set it off.

The step-mom is off her rocker and the fact they are having a group of unknown people around this unstable dog is ridiculous. I hope all of these people coming know of this dogs past. If not, please warn them before something really bad happens and someone is killed.

I used to own a mix of the breed and he was the best dog ever. I would own one again if I knew the history of it.

The dog you are speaking of should have been put down by the local
dog agency. It is unsafe. It should not be without a muzzle at all times.

Do not go. Any promises of putting think up will not be kept because your step-mom is delusional about him.

Don’t go. You can’t risk the safety of your children, and yourselves, just to be polite. Madness.

I would add that you need confirmation that the dog won’t be there. I would empathize that you know she cares deeply for the dog and you are concerned about another incident happening with the new guest in the home and everyone’s including the dogs safety.

Also, do you have the visiting family’s information? Anyway to warn them? If they aren’t aware of the dogs past it makes a very dangerous situation for them as well.

a muzzle would be helpful although not 100% as dogs are able to et out of them if not muzzle trained.

Your step mum is delusional thinking it's a good idea to invite children into the house with the dog. Therefore you cannot expect her to be rational and follow your requests. I've no doubt she will promise the dog will be kept in another room and then, Suprise! Zorro comes bounding out after an hour or so of you being there.
All I'm saying is don't trust her to do what a rational person would do. Her judgement is very clouded.

Also to add, presumably if anything did happen to your children, Social Services would want to know why you let a dangerous dog be in the company of your children?

Don’t visit, it’s not worth it

Thank you all for your replies. I will call her tomorrow and speak to her properly.

Reason for the advice on wording is because the family have had MANY fall outs (as all families) but SIL has manic depression, hubby doesn't mince his words and is too blunt with things in the past which has caused many fall outs and NC. This is why now he's decided he doesn't want to cause another atmosphere. (He doesn't want to go to their if the dog is there)

Last time they came to our house, we spoke about having Zorro put down. SIL burst into tears and spent 25 minutes in my sons room crying her eyes out. MIL burst into tears and had to calm down in the garden. FIL just sat there watched everything and didn't say a word. SIL's boyfriend got pissed off that she was crying for the dog which caused him to be on crutches.

They then started arguing in Portuguese between them which I don't understand.

I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I'm usually the one who gets them all to start speaking to each other again and be on terms. That's why I wanted advice on the message to MIL