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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

436 replies

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 10/11/2023 20:30

I would not take children there all the while the dog was anywhere on the premises.

ttcat37 · 10/11/2023 20:30

It sounds like a familiar issue that’s already been spoken about so I don’t think you need to labour the point. Say something like “I know we’ve talked about it before but I just wanted to make sure that dog is going to be staying elsewhere whilst we’re there. Obviously we can’t visit if he’s at the house”

Whiskeypowers · 10/11/2023 20:30

PlacidPenelope · 10/11/2023 20:26

  • the reason they want us at their house this time is because they just finished a house extension and are also inviting family from abroad to come to his 70th birthday

And that is just going to agitate an already hyper dog further, a recipe for absolute disaster.

Absolutely agree.
they are being reckless and stupid. The dog needs to be PTS: with a history of aggression and biting, not being forced to endure family get together with total strangers who will probably tip it over the edge. They could and should be prosecuted if it bites and injures someone again. Which it will.

I would like to say that I am amazed that any responsible adult behaves this way but sadly I am not.
as for having your little children there, a simple “no, we will not be bringing the children or ourselves anywhere near this dog” is all that’s required.

EasterIssland · 10/11/2023 20:31

Any chance of staying in a hotel ?

Winnipeggy · 10/11/2023 20:32

I absolutely would not go. How is it worth the risk?

idontlikealdi · 10/11/2023 20:32

I wouldn't visit. Simple.

2jacqi · 10/11/2023 20:32

definitely not going there!!!!!!!!!!!!! why have they taken in an untrained dog which their daughter couldnt be bothered to train!! especially a dangerous breed!!!!!! Not on your life would I take kids to that environment!!! My daughter had boarding kennels and she was attacked by a staffie!!! 2 operations later and lots of physio!!!! she banned staffies from the kennels after that incident!

idontlikealdi · 10/11/2023 20:33

Why do you think a staff is a dangerous dog?

YouJustDoYou · 10/11/2023 20:34

My brother's inlaws have a dog that has a dog asbo. He has to go the neighbours whilst the child visits.

Verbena17 · 10/11/2023 20:34

Either just meet up with them at a pub so you can all see them and explain why and say it’s not negotiable or send just your DH.

The dog sounds like it needs properly rehoming & full retraining and not by your parents.

If you stay there with your kids, you’re risking them being injured or sadly worse. Numerous adults and children have already been bitten by the dog. Why are you even considering taking your own children!?

Hayliebells · 10/11/2023 20:35

Has someone warned the poor relatives from abroad that the dog is dangerous? You should do that if you have not already, they need to be informed before they rock up with nowhere else to stay. And I would absolutely not visit, even if they promise to shut the dog in a different room. As PP have said, it will be highly agitated, and someone could accidentally let it out. Would kennels have a dangerous dog? That seems unlikely, so where would it go? MIL and FILs house would be off limits for me until they've PTS.

ttcat37 · 10/11/2023 20:35

idontlikealdi · 10/11/2023 20:33

Why do you think a staff is a dangerous dog?

I think she’s referring to the dog being dangerous as it’s mauled a number of people, not the fact that it’s a staffy.

Readingallnight · 10/11/2023 20:36

2jacqi · 10/11/2023 20:32

definitely not going there!!!!!!!!!!!!! why have they taken in an untrained dog which their daughter couldnt be bothered to train!! especially a dangerous breed!!!!!! Not on your life would I take kids to that environment!!! My daughter had boarding kennels and she was attacked by a staffie!!! 2 operations later and lots of physio!!!! she banned staffies from the kennels after that incident!

This dog is dangerous because he/she hasnt been trained properly.
Not because of the breed. It is not from a dangerous breed

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd
Mongrelsrbeautiful · 10/11/2023 20:36

People aren't answering your question OP, because it is obvious the children should not go.

Waitingfordoggo · 10/11/2023 20:36

I love dogs but I wouldn’t go- with or without children. I also wouldn’t accept the solution of detaining in a crate or a separate room while visiting because at some point they’ll need to ‘just let it out for a quick wee’ or to stretch its legs in the garden or whatnot.

Your MIL may be a nice person but keeping this dog was a really stupid decision. Quite apart from the fact no one will want to visit their home, it’s also horribly cruel to the dog who presumably has to be kept away from all people and dogs at all times, and has to be frequently medicated. That’s no life is it?

Readingallnight · 10/11/2023 20:37

ttcat37 · 10/11/2023 20:35

I think she’s referring to the dog being dangerous as it’s mauled a number of people, not the fact that it’s a staffy.

Show quote history

The post did say. Dangerous breed….it isn’t.

LizzBurg · 10/11/2023 20:38

I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

Is he stupid or something? If he’s not prepared to cause an atmosphere then the onus is on you to list the attacks that you know of and tell her that you aren’t prepared to go to her home.

Hippobot · 10/11/2023 20:38

Don't go and report the dog to the police so the damn thing gets put down before it kills someone or disfigures them for life.

grumpycow1 · 10/11/2023 20:39

Either they get kennels for the dog or I wouldn’t go. My kids’ safety is more important than offending ILs, sorry.

NotSorryForTheReality · 10/11/2023 20:40

I have a dog and love the bones of her but the day she turned on anyone (regardless as to if she knows them or their age) would be her last…
I’ve a collie (which is randomly apparently is one of the worst on MN, however she is not interested in anyone not interested in her and actually loves kids that like dogs because they match her energy and she’s big enough not to be hurt if they bump her etc. as well as loving a cuddle so when kids give her a cuddle like they would a person the only thing they are at risk of and it’s big risk haha is a big slobbery kiss 😂).

If I was you I would not want to go and the only way I would is if the dog was kept away on a muzzle at all times (on the off chance it is within reach) other than it being taken into a fully closed room once an hour or so with full supervision to have a drink and something to eat. While telling the kids if they find themselves near it not to touch or go near the dog….if you’re in the same room just walk away quietly and close the door.

Though I totally acknowledged they shouldn’t have to be in that position, and if they are already nervous of animals, then it would need to be a hard no regardless of the family fall out….. as it will fuel a fear that could (most likely) be carried throughout life.

x

jays · 10/11/2023 20:42

What to say , i’d say, I’m sorry but I genuinely can’t take the risk of having my children in the house with the dog. If anything happens it would be irreversible damage, I would never forgive myself and I understand that you can’t 100% guarantee that my children will be safe so it’s unfair to put anyone in that position.

TangerineNeonLight · 10/11/2023 20:42

Do the visiting relatives from abroad know the dog's history @Kerrieanne85? Where can the dog go? A dog that has bitten people so badly as this one can't go to kennels or to anyone else, who would take it? If it's in the house, it might get loose. It's not safe to visit.

momonpurpose · 10/11/2023 20:43

jlpth · 10/11/2023 20:23

I don’t think this is enough. With the amount of damage the dog has already caused, I bet it could jump that. Plus, the dog will likely be agitated by the “intruders” onto its turf.

Show quote history

A stairgate is nothing for a dog this violent who has caused such serious injuries

YouWontHearTheLastOfIt · 10/11/2023 20:43

I wouldn't go. Your in-laws might be lovely people, but I think they're mental for keeping a dog like that

MrsMarzetti · 10/11/2023 20:44

I can't believe you are even considering putting your children in danger. You simply tell them there isn't a hope in hells chance they will ever have your children in their house whilst that dog lives with them.