Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

436 replies

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

OP posts:
Iheartpizza · 10/11/2023 22:29

Your MIL sounds unhinged.

I feel sorry for the guests who are travelling from another country to attend this party and unbeknown to them, a viscous dog awaits!

Just think about the atmosphere too, lots of laughing, music, chatter, people moving around etc etc - what could possibly go wrong?!

I strongly suspect somebody is going to be attacked at this party.

Canuck48 · 10/11/2023 22:31

@Kerrieanne85 Animals make people emotional. It’s a very hard decision to put one to sleep even in this situation. Have you looked into a breed specific rescue, they will sometimes take one in. They will assess and determine if he can be rehabbed or need to put down.

I used to work with a similar rescue in Canada and they were fantastic. I loved helping with all of the dogs. I had a falling out with them due to how they were treating the people. I miss the dogs. Most of them were such love bugs. Some needed a lot of behavioural training and some were unfortunately past all of it and needed to be put down. The good thing is the owners didn’t have to make the decision and the ones who could be helped were.

Iheartpizza · 10/11/2023 22:32

Vicious even!!

Fionaville · 10/11/2023 22:33

Absolutely no way in hell would I take my DCs there (or go myself) I had a similar situation with my parents looking after brothers crazy dog, while he was at work. I told them if they wanted to see us, to make sure the dog wasn't there. They understood and made sure he wasn't, because seeing their daughter and grandchildren, was more important than the dog. Stand your ground, or it will be your own fault if that dog bites one of your children.

Topsyturvy78 · 10/11/2023 22:36

Unless they have someone look after the dog away from the house then no. Or you could meet up for the day near to where they live so they can pop home to check on the dog.

RandomButtons · 10/11/2023 22:44

'it's my house, my way'

My kids, my rules. Not a flipping chance that dog would be allowed near my kids.

LimboNovember · 10/11/2023 22:45

@Iheartpizza

Very true! Imagine! Poor buggers.

Ireallydontwantto · 10/11/2023 22:49

Ricco12 · 10/11/2023 21:10

Any experienced and responsible owner of a bull breed would have that dog PTS. I’m a SBT owner and the damage that dog could do is catastrophic. You MIL is an idiot. With the issues around XL bullies and the DDA the last think our breed needs is an owner who thinks it’s acceptable to give a SBT who has attacked people. SBT are lovely dogs but as with any breed you do get ones with temperament flaws and if a dog bites it should be PTD especially a powerful dog like a Stafford . Sorry but good relationship or not I would be telling this woman she is a complete idiot who clearly has no clue what she is dealing with. People like this shouldn’t own dogs.

Well said

Backtomyoldname · 10/11/2023 22:59

Given the dog needing medication, past injuries its caused to various people (+ likely other incidents you haven’t heard of) I don’t think you can go.

It’s really family awkwardness vs real probability of injury.

I know which one I’d choose.

There may be a compromise - meet half way without dog. Dog in kennels for the duration, at your house, meet on zoom!

GG1986 · 10/11/2023 22:59

I wouldn't go and wouldn't put my children at risk. Who cares if you hurt someone's feelings. It's a dangerous dog that has already attacked. Don't risk it.

PonyPatter44 · 10/11/2023 22:59

I love dogs, but that dog should have been put down after the second bite. Please do NOT take your children anywhere near it.

Goldbar · 10/11/2023 22:59

In the short-term, you're absolutely right - don't take the kids anywhere near that dog.

In the long-term, could you and your DH arrange for the dog to be PTS on their behalf? It sounds like they all recognise that this needs to be done, but they've become too emotionally close to the dog to sort it out.

ArrrMeHearties · 10/11/2023 23:01

Don't go anywhere near the house and I say that as a parent of an 8yo and a 6 month old baby who has a dog

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/11/2023 23:03

So there will be other relatives there too....so basically a house full of people and a dog with a history of serious attacks?!

What could possibly go wrong?!

It needs spelling out that it isnt just your kids at risk here. Depending on the health and age of the other guests, and the breed being as strong as it is, someone could die!

Goldbar · 10/11/2023 23:03

Also, I hope none of the visiting guests have young children, OP? If they do, you need to make it clear that it is unacceptable for them to be hosted in the same house as this dog.

Do they understand that they'll be facing a manslaughter charge if this dog kills someone?

stayathomer · 10/11/2023 23:04

Op you say you don’t want the dog to be around but where can they put the dog? It’s her house her rules because it is their house and their dog!! I think the way you phrased it is fine but tbh yes it will probably need a phone conversation. It’s a rough predicament because it would have been nice for the family to be there

Goldbar · 10/11/2023 23:06

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/11/2023 23:03

So there will be other relatives there too....so basically a house full of people and a dog with a history of serious attacks?!

What could possibly go wrong?!

It needs spelling out that it isnt just your kids at risk here. Depending on the health and age of the other guests, and the breed being as strong as it is, someone could die!

💯. At the very least, they need to warn their guests about the dog so they can make the decision whether to stay.

Goldbar · 10/11/2023 23:06

stayathomer · 10/11/2023 23:04

Op you say you don’t want the dog to be around but where can they put the dog? It’s her house her rules because it is their house and their dog!! I think the way you phrased it is fine but tbh yes it will probably need a phone conversation. It’s a rough predicament because it would have been nice for the family to be there

It's even nicer for them all to be alive and uninjured.

stayathomer · 10/11/2023 23:10

Ah yeah I’m not saying they should go just saying the whole thing is a pity

Nickinoo22 · 10/11/2023 23:12

Scotsgirl001 · 10/11/2023 19:19

You shouldn’t even consider visiting their house with your children if they have an aggressive dog staying there. And they shouldn’t even have that dog, it should have been put down after its first, very serious, aggressive incident. Sad for the dog (I’m a dog owner) but there is no excuse or reasoning such as ‘medication’. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

This! No question of you going if dog is there . I really can't believe anyone would take such a risk .

JockTamsonsBairns · 10/11/2023 23:14

No, I absolutely wouldn't go. No way.

I'm a huge lover of dogs, and I have a beautiful cocker spaniel of my own - so I'm not remotely 'anti dog'.

I'm extremely close to one of my older brothers, and was over the moon when we moved from the SE to Yorkshire. It meant I would be closer to where he lives in Cumbria, and I imagined we'd be able to spend a bit of time together.

My DCs were 6 and 8 when we moved up.
Within a few weeks of us moving, my DB opened a 'smallholding', where he rescued bulldog breeds and Rottweilers. He had space for 6 dogs at a time.

DB assured me that these dogs were "friendly and harmless", but that's not something I was about to take the chance on.
The dogs got the run of the house, and DB was insistent that they "wouldn't hurt a fly".

My viewpoint was, if they were tame and timid dogs, how did they end up being rehomed then?

I'm sure some of the dogs may have been fine, but I wasn't about to offer up my kids just to check.

(DB didn't have kids)

RosePetals86 · 10/11/2023 23:15

If the dog will be there then you don’t go with the children. It’s that simple. So what if you put their noses out of joint? You have good reason! I’d rather have slightly miffed in laws than mauled children!

PestilencialCrisis · 10/11/2023 23:17

I wouldn't go. The dog would be territorial and overwhelmed with the influx of people and may lash out. Would you rather have an awkward conversation with MiL now or after one of your children is bitten and she blames you/your kids for the dog having to be put down as a result?

Ifellasleep · 10/11/2023 23:22

dog needs to be crated away from guests, she needs to work on muzzle training the dog too but that takes longer

if she won’t crate him you can’t go!

I say that as someone with a Barky dog to visitors, I never allow her to go up to people when anxious like that

oakleaffy · 10/11/2023 23:25

@Kerrieanne85 Holy moly.
\Someone needs crutches after it savaged them?
No way in heck would I have any child around that dog.
It's clearly not safe.
don't risk it.
Have you seen the photographs if damage done to children's faces and bodies by these 'dangerous' dogs?
It's not a chance any responsible parent would willingly take.

Swipe left for the next trending thread