Being ignored by someone new

[Babagirl]

For the last three weeks I have been talking to someone over Facebook (my old school friends brother) and meeting him. The last Time i seen him I went for a drink with him and his friend after I finished work, his friend (who is a good friend of my sister) warned me to be careful. He told me that the person I had been speaking to infact had a girlfriend and not to trust him. I confronted him about this and he said his friend was lying and trying to get into my pants ( this confirmed later on that night when his friend tried to kiss me but I rejected his advances) I didn’t want to speak to him as I believed he was lying so I went into the girls toilets to collect my thoughts to him following me in and refusing to leave when I asked him too as he wanted to “explain” him self. The whole night he was recording me and sending videos of me to my friends boyfriend ( they are good friends, I found this out days later). Still denying he had a girlfriend, I didn’t believe him and I seen in his phone he had several messages of someone saved as “my forever” so I blocked him.

He rang me of his mums phone, he made new Facebook accounts to get hold of me telling me that he chooses me and he’s not been with his ex for months and after about 3 days I got back into contact with him as I was being told he was telling people very personal details about our sex life so I wanted to know why. He basically said he was angry and hurt so he did that because I blocked him, he wanted to speak to me properly so I went round to his house to see him. When there I left my glasses as I went round to his after work.

the day after he wanted to meet me but I told him I already had plans with my friend and that I would meet him after. He was telling me I had best be back home for 12 or he’s snapping my glasses ( sending me photos wearing them) I told him point blank I am not meeting him at all then and the next minute he sent me photo of my glasses snapped in half with the lenses out. I told him not to speak to me ever again and now he’s saying he’s going out tonight and he’s going to have sex with someone but it’ll be someone that I know.

he is completely point blank ignoring me, every time I try to apologise for not meeting him he just ignores me I do understand that he’s clearly upset because I haven’t met him but I don’t understand why he will not speak to me. I feel like I’ve messed up and I’m not quiet sure what to do now

You sound very young.

She has said she’s 22/23 a couple of times already. She’s clearly struggling for various reasons so can’t see the situation with the clarity that those of us older and wiser can.

You need to practice saying fuck off, in the privacy of your own kitchen. It’s empowering.
You owe him nothing. Actually less than nothing as he’s a thug.
If he contacts you again one message ‘leave me alone. If you contact me again I will go to the police’ and follow through on that.

His reaction is is the problem, not what you may or may not have done to trigger it.

Run like fuck.

OP, it sounds like you didn't actually consent to sex with him.

You were so drunk you didn't know what was happening, in a house in the middle of nowhere that you couldn't get away from, and in the morning you felt violated and tearful and uncomfortable about what happened. He then refused to take you home and called you 'weird' for crying.

That isn't 'hangover anxiety', that is an instinctive reaction to someone having sex with you when you were too drunk to consent and couldn't escape. If you were so drunk that you can barely remember what happened and were also unable to get away from him, that would meet the definition of rape.

He is a vile, vile predator. He is a danger to you and to every other woman he meets. He gets off on scaring, abusing and humiliating women and his sole goal is to break you.

STOP. TALKING. TO. HIM.

Don't even talk to him to tell him you won't lend him money or to argue about the glasses. No goodbyes, nothing. Just block him. And if he creates new accounts, reply with this and nothing more:

"I do not want any further contact with you. Do not get in touch with me again. I will consider any further contact from you, of any kind, to be harassment. If you continue to contact me in any way, I will be speaking to the police."

He may not have consented either if they were both drunk. Lets not stir the pot with rape insinuations, thats hardly helping the matter.

Keep well away from this one OP. Don't contact him, speak to him, listen to any messages he passes you via one of the surrounding cast of characters, or talk about him to them. If you don't do all of these things, it will be one drama after another with the world and its dog involved.
For future dating, if I were you, I'd spread my net wider than old school friends and brothers cousins best mates. For one thing, this crowd don't sound the best. For another it gets really messy with all the gossiping between everyone. In your shoes I'd be looking for someone well out of this circle to make a fresh start with a better quality of man.

It may help if you look for a new job or look into going back to uni next year.

I found they were both good ways to find new friends and it made me feel good having something to look forward to and work towards.

.............................................and he’s the only person who’s made me feel any happiness

I'm very sad to read this, OP.
I expect I'm old enough to be your granny but can I give you some advice?
Please work on your self-esteem and don't go out with blokes who mistreat you, follow you into personal spaces (the ladies toilets for example) and break your possessions.

And that was only after three weeks FFS.

I'm so sorry about this. I'm glad you've blocked him now.
Don't respond if he contacts you from someone else's number/FB etc.

Keep ignoring him. He sounds very dangerous.
And definitely don't lend him money.

You both sound exceedingly immature. WHY on this little green apple earth would you even WANT him talking to you? He broke your glasses for cripe's sake. All because you didn't meet up with him? What's next? Him stalking you? Breaking into your place? Assaulting you?

He sounds like a lunatic and if you think that he is what you deserve, seek help.

Other than that, get FAR away from him. Before it's too late.

Oh, thank God! I thought it was me! Just reading three lines and I gave up, and I actually managed to read the three volumes of Lord of the Rings even though I hated it!
This guy would bore me rigid. Plus the glasses thing would be an instant block.

You all sound like a bunch of teenagers.
Do the freedom programme online to learn about controlling behaviour and red flags.

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

He's a thoroughly unpleasant man and you deserve so much better than this. Don't be a victim, be a survivor. Work on your mental health, get strong and healthy, maybe think about going back to uni. You don't need a boyfriend.

@Babagirl

Get away and keep away from this nasty, violence threatening person who is already committing offences if he is sending sex videos of you to your friends? and harassing you - let alone destroying your property.

He sounds like the sort of sick, dangerous person who would target and hurt little animals just for the fun of it and for how it made him feel. Remember that and stay well away from him. Perhaps speak to the non-emergency police number (101) to see what advice they can give you. But keep him out of your home and your life - he's really not good to have anywhere near you. 🌹

Fucking hell. Why are you letting this utter dickhead dictate to you? You feel bad for him? That's astonishing, honestly.

Are you not even a little bit angry that the blackmailed you then broke your glasses? Can you not see that being in a relationship with this abuser would be a living nightmare?

Keep that picture so if you are ever tempted to contact him again it will remind you what a nasty, spiteful, manipulative , lying piece of dog shit on your shoe he is.

Block him, and his mothers phone number , give yourself a talking too for falling for his goady lies and tantrums and then get on with the rest of your life. Spare a moment of silent prayer for his girlfriend if you can and hope she gets the message and moves on too.

Jesus, Jeremy Kyle. This is ridiculous, raise your standards and run and if you don't run it's your own fault

I’m sorry to sound harsh OP but you sound about 16 and I don’t really see the point of this thread. You met up with someone, he treated you badly and you feel bad for him? Pull your big girl pants up, block him and move on.

Difficult to tell from this post whether you're accusing the OP of saying that, or saying your own mental health is poor. Whichever it is, you sound breathtakingly unaware and lacking in compassion. What is the point of kicking someone while they are down?

Are you both 12, grow up, move on 🙄

Ikr? If this is true, She has done nothing wrong. He sees she is vulnerable, he would not do it to someone else. Heck if anyone deliberately broke my glasses, I would throw a brick through their car window.

I don't usually say things like this about people OP because they can't help it. But in his case, because he's a nasty bastard, I'll make an exception...
This guy is thick as the wall and about as low rent as its possible to go.
He can barely form a sentence to express himself to you and I can't imagine how you could be in his company without needing to switch off your own intelligence to tolerate him.
Now I'm not from a great background myself and have met (and liked, and dated) all sorts. But this one? Honestly OP, he is gutter level. Please don't lower yourself to give him a moment more of your time.

Why do you even want to meet up with this creep? Value yourself higher. If you don’t then people will just take advantage.

OP, do you think you'd be happier if you moved out your small town? The stuff about not necessarily having people you gel with nearby, having a small dating pool, people gossiping about each other is a big downside of small town living when you're in your late teens or early 20s.

Once your meds are a bit more settled have a look at college or uni courses, or workplaces where you'd have to move out and meet other people.

I can't work out what the AIBU is, what are you looking for from the thread OP?