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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being ignored by someone new

189 replies

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 13:27

For the last three weeks I have been talking to someone over Facebook (my old school friends brother) and meeting him. The last Time i seen him I went for a drink with him and his friend after I finished work, his friend (who is a good friend of my sister) warned me to be careful. He told me that the person I had been speaking to infact had a girlfriend and not to trust him. I confronted him about this and he said his friend was lying and trying to get into my pants ( this confirmed later on that night when his friend tried to kiss me but I rejected his advances) I didn’t want to speak to him as I believed he was lying so I went into the girls toilets to collect my thoughts to him following me in and refusing to leave when I asked him too as he wanted to “explain” him self. The whole night he was recording me and sending videos of me to my friends boyfriend ( they are good friends, I found this out days later). Still denying he had a girlfriend, I didn’t believe him and I seen in his phone he had several messages of someone saved as “my forever” so I blocked him.

He rang me of his mums phone, he made new Facebook accounts to get hold of me telling me that he chooses me and he’s not been with his ex for months and after about 3 days I got back into contact with him as I was being told he was telling people very personal details about our sex life so I wanted to know why. He basically said he was angry and hurt so he did that because I blocked him, he wanted to speak to me properly so I went round to his house to see him. When there I left my glasses as I went round to his after work.

the day after he wanted to meet me but I told him I already had plans with my friend and that I would meet him after. He was telling me I had best be back home for 12 or he’s snapping my glasses ( sending me photos wearing them) I told him point blank I am not meeting him at all then and the next minute he sent me photo of my glasses snapped in half with the lenses out. I told him not to speak to me ever again and now he’s saying he’s going out tonight and he’s going to have sex with someone but it’ll be someone that I know.

he is completely point blank ignoring me, every time I try to apologise for not meeting him he just ignores me I do understand that he’s clearly upset because I haven’t met him but I don’t understand why he will not speak to me. I feel like I’ve messed up and I’m not quiet sure what to do now

OP posts:
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Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 10/11/2023 14:03

Jesus Christ, get some dignity and kick this arsehole to the kerb! You both sound as bad as each other with the silly blocking, silly emojis and ridiculous conversations.

How old are you?

SpoonyBitchell · 10/11/2023 14:04

Wtf. Block this psychopath and stop having anything to do with him.

Is he 15?

Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:04

He is 22 and in 23

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:05

I’m*

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 10/11/2023 14:06

Oh my goodness OP, this is a horrible horrible man.

He has:

  • Insulted you and called you a lying bitch
  • Broken your glasses
  • Cheated on his girlfriend
  • Followed you into ladies toilets
  • Recorded you without permission and sent the videos to others
  • Told people private stuff about your sex life
  • Threatened to shag someone you know just to get at you

Please please have nothing more whatsoever to do with him. You don't owe him any kind of explanation. Just block him on everything and never speak to him again ever.

Mavissdaviss · 10/11/2023 14:09

Run! Why do you want to be with someone who would even consider treating you like that!?

Mnetcurious · 10/11/2023 14:09

@Babagirl you don’t seem to have responded to pretty much everyone who is telling you that this is a bad man and to block him and never speak to him again - what do you intend to do?

fishandricecakes · 10/11/2023 14:10

His friends sister warned you, you chose to ignore her even though she informed you he had a girlfriend.

He's a cheat, abusive and it seems you are enjoying the attention if I'm honest.

The photo attached of your text conversation shows the immaturity of you both, it's just a bunch of strung together letters.

Block him, change your number, avoid all contact. He's not someone to be involved with.

Britneyfan · 10/11/2023 14:13

@DisappearingGirl I totally agree. OP just stay well well away from this man, block him, don’t talk to him, don’t go to social events where he might be, honestly you’ve done nothing wrong here, you were actually very wise not to meet him when he threatened to break your glasses if you weren’t home by a certain time. You’ve had a lucky escape.

@Sexlivesofthepotatomen domestic abuse/coercive control isn’t “silly” and they are absolutely not as bad as each other, what has OP done wrong here?! Using emojis isn’t a crime. When one person is abusing another it’s not ok to write off the response to that by the other person as “silly”.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 10/11/2023 14:14

I seen in his phone he had several messages of someone saved as “my forever” so I blocked him.

WTF 🤣

I assume you’re both very young.
I think you should tell your mum everything and then block his number.

If you do go out you need to tell your mum where you’re going and make sure you have a friend with you.

He seems a bit unhinged and it’s important that you don’t meet up with him again or put yourself in a position where you’re alone with him.

I would be very angry at him breaking my glasses but honestly it’s better that than one of your bones.

Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:15

That’s because I have just started speaking to him, i just feel so misunderstood at the moment and if I’m honest I’m having a hard time with life at the moment and he’s the only person who’s made me feel any happiness and actually listens to me when I need someone to talk to ( before any of this) in so long. I do understand what I need to do, which is to block him and leave things with him but he’s pretty much said if I do he will ruin my life, I live in a small town I can’t take being spoken about and gossiped about because I know it’ll end up breaking me

OP posts:
Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:17

Thankyou the only reason I sent an emoji is because he changed it to a laughing emoji where the thumbs up is supposed to be. I always click on it by accident he changed it to a laughing face because I’m a joke he said

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 10/11/2023 14:18

Jesus F Christ, why the hell would you EVER want to speak to him?

He's a dangerous fucking psycho and a piece of shit. Can you seriously not see that you have done NOTHING wrong and he is a nasty, sadistic bastard? Seriously?

You've only been seeing him for THREE WEEKS, and he's already bullying you, abusing you, destroying your possessions and controlling you? If he's like this now, I guarantee you that he will put you in hospital if you continue any kind of relationship with him. Surely you can understand that you shouldn't be going anywhere near this man ever, ever again? He's a fucking danger. Are you insane??:

PersephonePomegranate23 · 10/11/2023 14:18

Fuck me, please raise your bar.

How do you even understand what the hell he's taking about? It's utter garbled nonsense. The man is clearly unstable.

LakeTiticaca · 10/11/2023 14:20

This man is an absolute maniac. Don't engage with him ever again and if he threatens you further, call the police

feathermucker · 10/11/2023 14:22

He's shown you who he is.

Believe him.

And stay far, far away from him.

Mnetcurious · 10/11/2023 14:25

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:15

That’s because I have just started speaking to him, i just feel so misunderstood at the moment and if I’m honest I’m having a hard time with life at the moment and he’s the only person who’s made me feel any happiness and actually listens to me when I need someone to talk to ( before any of this) in so long. I do understand what I need to do, which is to block him and leave things with him but he’s pretty much said if I do he will ruin my life, I live in a small town I can’t take being spoken about and gossiped about because I know it’ll end up breaking me

Sounds like you’re going through a hard time but please understand that keeping contact with this man is only going to make things worse. Saying he’ll ruin your life if you block him is a way of trying to control you. Be strong and stand up for yourself, know that you are worth more than this.

DisappearingGirl · 10/11/2023 14:25

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:15

That’s because I have just started speaking to him, i just feel so misunderstood at the moment and if I’m honest I’m having a hard time with life at the moment and he’s the only person who’s made me feel any happiness and actually listens to me when I need someone to talk to ( before any of this) in so long. I do understand what I need to do, which is to block him and leave things with him but he’s pretty much said if I do he will ruin my life, I live in a small town I can’t take being spoken about and gossiped about because I know it’ll end up breaking me

OP it's really hard when you feel alone and feel like you've fallen for someone because they pay you attention. But it's not real when he's abusing you at the same time. There's no point trying to reason with him or make him see sense. He is abusive and will probably always be abusive. This is not your fault and you can't change him. Please please stay away from him. You will meet someone eventually who is a good person who treats you with respect.

ManateeFair · 10/11/2023 14:29

Babagirl · 10/11/2023 13:53

I think that’s partly me I find my self constantly apologising to everyone especially for the smallest of things that I probably shouldn’t even need to apologise for. I have a lot mental health problems and I have been really struggling to find my self at the moment, I’m In the middle of my new dosage of medication so I’m hoping when that kicks in I’m not full of guilt and worth 24/7

This man is vile, aggressive misogynist who hates women.

OP, you are extremely vulnerable, your judgement is badly clouded and you don't seem to have any concept of boundaries. You should absolutely not be dating anyone at the moment; you are way, way too vulnerable and confused. This man is an abusive danger to you. And you barely know him. Three weeks is nothing. He's a virtual stranger.

Block him first. If he continues to harass you, then speak to the police. You say he 'will ruin your life', but can you not see that he will ruin your life a whole lot more if you continue to speak to him?

You mention that he has told people about things you did in bed. I'm assuming, then, that this is because he got you to do things that were maybe a little extreme, or out of the ordinary? Did you do these things purely to please him, by any chance?

Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:30

He has just asked me to lend him money, I’ve obviously said no especially not after he’s just broke my glasses he must just think I’m an idiot. I’m going to block him now because I’ve told him I’m upset and he obviously does not care about me or my feelings

Being ignored by someone new
OP posts:
Screwballs · 10/11/2023 14:31

This reply has been deleted

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madeinmanc · 10/11/2023 14:32

Take him to the small claims court for the cost of replacement glasses.

SoRainbowRhythms · 10/11/2023 14:32

Jesus christ, why are you still engaging with him? Block him ffs.

Original poster
Babagirl · 10/11/2023 14:33

I really do hope so ( that I find someone genuine) I have a big heart and a lot of love but I’m starting to give up now because every time I do speak to someone or start something it ends up this way.

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 10/11/2023 14:34

Block him. Just, block him. Trust me, even if he does tell people lies about you, everyone will know what he is like and will think badly of him, not you.

WHY are you still in touch with him? This isn't a CBBC drama, mate, it's your actual life, and domestic abuse isn't romantic and exciting, it's violent and horrible.