Being ignored by someone new

[Babagirl]

For the last three weeks I have been talking to someone over Facebook (my old school friends brother) and meeting him. The last Time i seen him I went for a drink with him and his friend after I finished work, his friend (who is a good friend of my sister) warned me to be careful. He told me that the person I had been speaking to infact had a girlfriend and not to trust him. I confronted him about this and he said his friend was lying and trying to get into my pants ( this confirmed later on that night when his friend tried to kiss me but I rejected his advances) I didn’t want to speak to him as I believed he was lying so I went into the girls toilets to collect my thoughts to him following me in and refusing to leave when I asked him too as he wanted to “explain” him self. The whole night he was recording me and sending videos of me to my friends boyfriend ( they are good friends, I found this out days later). Still denying he had a girlfriend, I didn’t believe him and I seen in his phone he had several messages of someone saved as “my forever” so I blocked him.

He rang me of his mums phone, he made new Facebook accounts to get hold of me telling me that he chooses me and he’s not been with his ex for months and after about 3 days I got back into contact with him as I was being told he was telling people very personal details about our sex life so I wanted to know why. He basically said he was angry and hurt so he did that because I blocked him, he wanted to speak to me properly so I went round to his house to see him. When there I left my glasses as I went round to his after work.

the day after he wanted to meet me but I told him I already had plans with my friend and that I would meet him after. He was telling me I had best be back home for 12 or he’s snapping my glasses ( sending me photos wearing them) I told him point blank I am not meeting him at all then and the next minute he sent me photo of my glasses snapped in half with the lenses out. I told him not to speak to me ever again and now he’s saying he’s going out tonight and he’s going to have sex with someone but it’ll be someone that I know.

he is completely point blank ignoring me, every time I try to apologise for not meeting him he just ignores me I do understand that he’s clearly upset because I haven’t met him but I don’t understand why he will not speak to me. I feel like I’ve messed up and I’m not quiet sure what to do now

Christ op. I don’t know where to start.

This will only go one way if you continue. Unfortunately, I think you will continue- your self esteem sounds non existent and you don’t seem to have any sort of idea of what or how an appropriate relationship of any kind should be.

This male is incredibly bad news. He’s violent, threatening a loser waste of space. He will bring you nothing but trauma.

Take some time on your own, build up your own confidence and don’t settle for anything less than someone just lovely, not occasionally, but all the time.

I am not a professional but OP has some sort of childhood trauma.

This requires clinical intervention to address. If not, OP will swing from abuser to abuser like this.

Oh and please do NOT give him any money at all, not even a pound. If he says he will tell people stuff about you unless you give him money, that is called blackmail, it's illegal and he could go to prison for it.

Do you have any other friends? Do you work, or volunteer anywhere?

I do understand what I need to do, which is to block him and leave things with him but he’s pretty much said if I do he will ruin my life, I live in a small town I can’t take being spoken about and gossiped about because I know it’ll end up breaking me

Anyone who says that will make your life 100 x worse if you carry on speaking to them.

Stop engaging with him completely.

Keep updating on here if you’re concerned.

Tell him that you don’t want anything to do with him anymore after his behaviour like breaking your glasses and to please not contact you again.

You can then either block him or just not reply.
But OP it’s very important you do not reply to him.

Make sure your location is off everything like Snapchat too.

He's enjoying humiliating you, OP. Block him NOW on every possible channel and do NOT unblock him, ever.

Please stop engaging with him.

When he asked to borrow money, instead of asking how much, you should have said No!

You need to block this man and stop thriving off the attention.

It may be a distraction to other stuff in your life, but all you are doing is adding hurt and drama to your ongoing issues.

You've met someone new and he's already abusing you and breaking your property out of spite for not jumping to his commands.

This is not how new (or even old) relationships are meant to be. Please get out now before he extends his violence to your face and body. Your mental health will also nosedive if you stay with someone like him, any sort of happiness you feel now isn't real, he is filling a void from other areas of your life but he's filling it with abuse and disrespect, eventually that will erode any happiness you feel and will likely exacerbate the mental health conditions you are experiencing and put additional blocks in front of your recovery.

I do not think it ends up this way every time.

I think it is because you choose them and get bored by the others.

He's a nutcase and you are being a bit daft. How do you not know what to do?

Run. Never look back.

I don't get it.

Really confused.

You don't want to date him.
He wouldn't stop contacting you after you asked him to stop. He also broke your glasses.

Now he has finally stopped contacting but you are upset because he won't answer your calls?

Why do you want to contact him even ?

Seriously be glad he seems to have moved on and block him.

he’s like crushed them which I find absolutely crazy.

Your assessment is correct, it's absolutely bat shit crazy and being involved with this weasel of a human (I can't use the word man in this case) is not going to help with your mental health difficulties. The opposite in fact. And he knows that, and he enjoys it.
The best thing you can do is block his number and never let him within a mile of you again.

Block him on every channel you can

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time not helped by this nutter.

You're well rid.

For now. Make a cup of tea and try and rationalise why you're apologising to someone who has treated you like shit. Really take the emotion out.

Maybe start by going through what would a normal and decent person have done? Not cheated? Not broken your glasses? Arranged a pick up time for your property that was mutually suitable, not made into a control issue? Not discussed your sex life in public at all?

None of his behaviour is normal or your fault. Do you see even a bit of that?

Have you considered speaking to the police? He has damaged your property and is harassing you re telling people about your sex life. I would call the non emergency number and see whether they can act. They may not be able to, I'm not an officer but he is acting very wrongly and does not deserve an apology for anything.

If it helps with knowing people have heard such things, try not to feel mortified. Most adults have sex. Most adults will think he is gross. If anyone says anything just be very cool and serious and say 'yes, I'd heard John had been maliciously spreading information about our sex life'. Don't engage any further unless it's someone very trustworthy such as a counsellor but you've nothing to be ashamed of. But had he been pushing you to do different things sexually?

I cut off contact with him after he told me didn’t have a girlfriend but I seen his phone. So I blocked him and he was messaging me on new accounts apologising and tell me how he isn’t with her it’s his ex they broke up 5 weeks ago and that he has blocked her now & that he’s made his choice that he doesn’t want to go back to her. He asked me to go round to his to talk and we did he cuddled me tried his hardest to have sex but I told him I am not doing that untill I know that this situation is genuine and that he still isn’t lying. He told me isn’t lying and that he is going to prove that to me, I do like him well I did so I guess that is why this whole situation is so difficult

Just block the fuck out of him and ignore him. Don't feed the drama.

This is unnecessary drama op. You can’t change him, he won’t be ‘different for you’ this will end badly, it’s already bad enough. Block and move on.

I’ve told him no to lending him any money, I don’t know why I even considered it, I’m blocking him now as he clearly doesn’t care otherwise he would of apologised at least for what he’s done.

Perhaps you are coming over as so desperate for any kind of attention that the very worst ones immediately pick up on that and abuse you.

Yes. Abuse. That's what he's doing, so for God's sake end this so-called relationship immediately, and if he won't leave you alone, call the police. He probably already has form anyway.

Stop engaging with him. Stop asking if he's ok.

Do you know what blocking means? It doesn't mean, carry on chatting. While you're still chatting away to him, he's getting the message that you're tolerating his disgusting behaviour, so he'll do it to you again and again. I expect he'll come round yours for sex later as well.

'You refuse to talk to me'

Oh dear. I don't think there is any helping you. Not sure why you are even posting.

I cannot believe you are apologising to him and worried about him not speaking to you.

He's clearly dangerous and abusive, controlling, potentially violent.

Please block him and if he attempts to contact you contact the police immediately.

And consider the Freedom Programme - you need to understand why you're so interested in someone who is a walking red flag

To be honest when I did have sex with him I don’t really remember much I was really really drunk, he took me to his friends house literally in the middle of nowhere about an hour from where I live. When I woke up in the morning I’m guessing my hangover anxiety kicked in and I really wanted to leave, he wouldn’t wake up I was crying because I felt so uncomfortable I just wanted to go home but he was having no of it he was calling me weird ecttt his friend must of heard me crying as he came into the room and actually took me home.

STOP MESSAGING HIM fucking hell.

You've had loads of people advising you to BLOCK this abusive guy from being able to contact you at all, and to STOP interacting with him.

You have his mother's number. Perhaps you should send a message to her to make her aware of her son's disgusting, abusive behaviour (which includes the criminal damage of your glasses and what sounds like harassment), and make it clear that this is unacceptable, and that you will go to the police if it continues (as this might stop her from letting him use her phone to try contacting you again).
You could also let his sister/ your 'old school friend' know that you no longer want any contact with him. Chances are his family already know that he's an abusive entitled arsehole.
And make sure your family and friends all know about the threats he's made towards you.
He's not a safe person to be around. Please do not arrange to meet up with him again, either in public or in private. Do not give him anything. Do not apologise to him for anything you have done.