Being ignored by someone new

[Babagirl]

For the last three weeks I have been talking to someone over Facebook (my old school friends brother) and meeting him. The last Time i seen him I went for a drink with him and his friend after I finished work, his friend (who is a good friend of my sister) warned me to be careful. He told me that the person I had been speaking to infact had a girlfriend and not to trust him. I confronted him about this and he said his friend was lying and trying to get into my pants ( this confirmed later on that night when his friend tried to kiss me but I rejected his advances) I didn’t want to speak to him as I believed he was lying so I went into the girls toilets to collect my thoughts to him following me in and refusing to leave when I asked him too as he wanted to “explain” him self. The whole night he was recording me and sending videos of me to my friends boyfriend ( they are good friends, I found this out days later). Still denying he had a girlfriend, I didn’t believe him and I seen in his phone he had several messages of someone saved as “my forever” so I blocked him.

He rang me of his mums phone, he made new Facebook accounts to get hold of me telling me that he chooses me and he’s not been with his ex for months and after about 3 days I got back into contact with him as I was being told he was telling people very personal details about our sex life so I wanted to know why. He basically said he was angry and hurt so he did that because I blocked him, he wanted to speak to me properly so I went round to his house to see him. When there I left my glasses as I went round to his after work.

the day after he wanted to meet me but I told him I already had plans with my friend and that I would meet him after. He was telling me I had best be back home for 12 or he’s snapping my glasses ( sending me photos wearing them) I told him point blank I am not meeting him at all then and the next minute he sent me photo of my glasses snapped in half with the lenses out. I told him not to speak to me ever again and now he’s saying he’s going out tonight and he’s going to have sex with someone but it’ll be someone that I know.

he is completely point blank ignoring me, every time I try to apologise for not meeting him he just ignores me I do understand that he’s clearly upset because I haven’t met him but I don’t understand why he will not speak to me. I feel like I’ve messed up and I’m not quiet sure what to do now

OP he doesn’t like you.
You need to remember that when he starts apologising and ringing you off other numbers.
He is just using you.

Do you think a guy who liked you would act like this?

Can you imagine breaking someone’s stuff and then asking to borrow so much money!

I’ve never broken any boyfriends stuff or asked to borrow money and they’ve never done it to me either.

Your MH is really low at the minute so I’m not sure dating is for you right now but if you have female friends then go out with them and get some hobbies and you’ll one day find a nice guy.
You just have ti be careful though because you obviously are vulnerable and unfortunately some men can sense that and will lie to you and use you.

If you feel like you want to text him or he’s contacting you and you don’t know what to do, then please come on here and tell us how you’re feeling.

Sorry please do not entertain this person, he obviously has issues and those are the sort of issues you do not want to be involved in.

He’s the first person besides my ex partner who I’ve slept with in three years. I’ve been single for 2 months now after a 4 year relationship. My character isn’t going out and getting drunk and sleeping around I should have made that clear. I’m a good girl I stay at home and when I do drink it’s usually a few glasses of wine at home on a weekend watching documentaries I rarely go on nights out or even anywhere. I have friends but I don’t see them very rarely.

How old are you all?

More red flags than a Cuban parade / Russian dance party.

Block, delete, move on!

Sounds like a bunch of teenagers. You seem to be enjoying all the drama. An adult would just block him and walk away.

Why don't you see your friends regularly? Maybe you should see if your friends want to go out tomorrow night, or even come round to yours for a girls night in?

I wish I had friends that actually wanted to meet up and do things with me. With my friends it’s always one sided I always pay for everything it’s always me travelling to see them no one ever comes to see me. I don’t think I have any friends come round to my house in over a year. I really do need to stay away from relationships because I can feel my self deteriorating. My head is so scrambled at the moment I can not even think straight.

OP you don’t need to defend what type of person you are.
We can all see that he is an absolute loser and you should be nowhere near him.

Sometimes it can be frustrating reading threads on here because you just want to shake the person and tell them to stop.

Not because we don’t like you or because we think you’re a bad person but because we’ve all met men who are no good for us and we know where it can end up.

All of us have made mistakes and we don’t want you making the same mistakes as we did or someone we know did.

You will look back and wonder how you ever liked him.

sorry you met a psychopath, apparently you were warned nonetheless decided to oversee the massive red flags. Block this man on everything, he's dangerous. This is the type of person who will stalk you and might need to go to the police so keep evidence of all his texts, phone calls and threats.

He is 22 and I’m 23

What do you do?
Do you work or study?

Have you ever been to university?

I’m amazed that all that took place over 3 weeks. Run for the hills and don’t look back.

I understand , everyone else from the outside looking in can see it and I would give the same advice I’m being given to someone who was in a similar situation

So I’m currently working on a bar, he lives around the corner from where I work. He comes in and out and sits at the bar and watches me for a bit. I also do eye lash extensions. I did go to university but I dropped out and it’s one of my biggest regrets I met some of the most genuine amazing people and I was so happy with my self but my life just goes up side down and I pretty much just gave up half way through

Do you have access to a counsellor as part of your mental health treatment, OP? I think you would benefit from discussing your relationships with partners and friends as you seem to be stuck in a cycle of being surrounded by users and not being able to recognise or manage it. Agree with the person who suggested seeking out the Freedom programme in the meantime.

My doctor has told me I need to put a self referral through for counselling. I’m just so lonely I just want to feel love I feel so alone and I have done for years. There’s a constant feeling a horrible one inside of me I just want to feel loved for once in my life tbh. I’m scared of going to a counciler I feel like they would section me if I opened up too much

Honestly, you should see a clinical psychologist specialised in trauma.

You’re incredibly vulnerable and you need to improve your self esteem and learn about domestically abusive relationships to keep yourself safe in the future. Please do the freedom programme online and block this man.

Do you think the bar manager would ban him from coming in, if you explained the situation? That would give you some peace of mind at work.

Once you are stable on your meds, you could think about going to college again. You have so many opportunities, don't let some nasty sad little boy spoil them for you.

I’m just going to have a look at the freedom programme now

Talk to a counsellor. They will NOT section you for "opening up", its kind of what you are meant to do with a counsellor. It could really help to have someone to talk to, who is supportive and won't judge you.

I wouldn’t even know where to start I hate talking my feelings in real life anyway. My mums always taught me to keep my emotions bottled and not to cry, I’m too emotional apparently but that’s only because I let everything build up inside until it becomes to much and I can’t handle it anymore. I was referred to cahms when I was 14, I went once and never again I hated it. After that I was referred to an early intervention team for psychosis, I never ended up going. After that I had nothing until 2 years ago when I went to the doctor my self and seeked help.

Why do you want him to reply? Why are you bothered?

Have a look at DBT online, OP.