To not cancel our wedding because DS has COVID

[CheeseCrackers45]

Hi all. 1 year old son has had a bit of a cough for about a week. He's a bit tired but otherwise well. No fever, happily playing etc. Went to the GP today just in case it was another chest infection (he's already had several). Turns out he has COVID.

Here's the kicker... Me and DSs dad are due to get married on Thursday and DS is obviously attending 😅 We've taken tests and so far they are negative. My colleague is saying I'm being selfish by not cancelling the wedding. Me and my partner have decided to go ahead with it, but of course will be telling all guests that DS has COVID and letting them make their own decision about attending.

YANBU - no you shouldn't cancel
YABU - You should cancel

Of course it makes people less vulnerable! 🤦🏻‍♀️

By refusing to tell me you have covid or a bad cold or a dodgy stomach, you’re not “forcing choices” upon me. You’re actually being kind!

I’m lucky my family, friends and colleagues are more sensible than some people. I’d go to the wedding but I wouldn’t, for example, give the baby a cuddle. I’m so grateful for the people around me who tell me if they or someone has been poorly, it helps me keep a bit of distance and extra hand washing etc.
People have always recognised my immunodeficiency though and they don’t say ”wahh it’s a mild cold, shush and stay at home, Teder” They say ”I have a cold, Teder, so we best not hug today!”

Of course cancelling a wedding and announcing covid to every man and his dog is silly. But if you know someone is vulnerable, refusing to tell them and expecting them just to stay home is shitty.

The selfishness on this thread astounds me!
Covid IS NOT the same as a cold..flu..chest infection.. tonsillitis.
It isn't.
People on here saying don't test and don't tell anyone, I hope and pray that neither you or your loved ones have to go through the things I and about 2 million others have had to go through since Match 2020.
I'm disabled now. Do you not grasp what we are saying?

For goodness sake. He's had it for a week. He's not going to be infectious by Thursday. There's no need to stress guests out unnecessarily.

I sympathise, but do you genuinely expect people to test weekly or more often?

Kids are at school, we use public transport. There's always someone with a bug, even a small one, a bit of a cough, an upset stomach, the way it was before the pandemic. It could be covid, it could be a cold, it could even be the flu.

I actually cannot think of a single week since September when I haven't had someone vaguely unwell at home. I can't panic every day about covid. If we are contagious, we will end unwillingly putting people at risk covid or not, but often you are contagious before you even notice the first symptoms.

No, we don't test, because I don't believe shoving a stick up my kids nose once or twice a week is the right thing to do.

His parents could be though

No I don't expect people to test weekly. They won't.
But I do expect if someone knows for certain covid is in their house that they should have the decency to let people know when they know they will be together with a number of people for a length of time

This thread is depressing

Of course I don’t expect anyone to test weekly, or at all, especially with regards to kids. It’s entirely your choice. I have zero issue with people who don’t want to test for whatever reason. Their body, their choice.

However, I’d hope anyone who knowingly comes into contact with someone like me would say “heads up, baby has been snotty again”.
Unknowing putting someone like me at risk is something I live with. I accept the risk as I want to live a full life and I don’t expect anything from anyone. Knowingly putting someone like me at risk is, again, a risk I live with but I believe it is a shitty thing to do. All I ask is to please tell me, be it the sniffles or covid or whatever.

I don’t know why some people twist themselves in knots moaning about how hard it is for them. I’m not asking for the moon on the stick, literally as I stand next to you at a wedding or whatever and you KNOW I am super vulnerable, kindly mention it. I’ll avoid hugging you and make sure I wash my hands extra. I’m not even demanding it, I’m just politely asking for it.

@CheeseCrackers45
Hope your little one is on the mend and enjoy your wedding.
I’m sure you know any extremely vulnerable guests, so perhaps let them know but I cannot see any reason why you can’t go ahead and celebrate. There’s no obligation to make an announcement to all guests or even consider cancelling.

Congrats! 🥂

Well said, @wildthingsinthenight

OP, what does it cost you to alert guests and let them decide their own risk tolerance? Isn't it quite arrogant to decide for them?

Is that really a cloud you want your marriage to start under?

Knowinglyputting someone like me at risk is, again, a risk I live with but I believe it is a shitty thing to do.

I get that, but as the immense majority do not test, I would assume that everyone is contagious.

What I don't understand is why people would bother testing if they do nothing about the result, why test full stop?

The problem is, she doesn't know who's vulnerable. I'm healthy bit if i transmit Covid to my sister, she could easily die.

All guests and vendors/hospitality staff need to be informed.

I said “knowingly”. Any cold or cough or upset stomach is a risk to me so I would think it’s polite to mention it. If you’re well with no symptoms, then you’d unlikely to be covid testing anyway so nobody would know!

I have no idea why people still covid test, for information maybe? It doesn’t really matter their motivation. Their choice. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why on earth did you test him or agree to let the GP test him? I thought it wasn't advice to test under 18s now. Anyway no I wouldn't cancel, who honestly gives a toss about this shit any more. If there was someone coming who I knew was vulnerable I'd tell them but leave it at that.

@TooOldForThisNonsense sorry what? You think they should take their child, whose sick enough to need to see a doctor, to the gp and then refuse to let them run tests to find out what's going on?

It’s called courtesy.

It’s not just a cold. Many more people die from covid than they do from the flu - it mostly older people who die from it, but I guess that doesn’t matter?

Damned if I’d be so careless of other people’s lives to get on a public forum and parrot ‘it’s only a cold.’

It’s called courtesy. Sorry this was to a pp.

No, we don't test, because I don't believe shoving a stick up my kids nose once or twice a week is the right thing to do.

You don’t have to shove it, you know?

Exactly.

Imagine disregarding everyone's needs and finding out later that someone (a guest or relative of a guest) died or had an ordeal due to one's own self-centeredness.

Talk about kicking off married life under bad karma.

Do the right thing.

Routine testing of under 18s is no longer recommended. Of course you still get them tested if they’re ill and a medical expert recommends it. Why on earth wouldn’t you want to find out what is making your child sick?

I don’t see the point in labelling foods with allergen information.

If you have allergies, you have allergies. No point forcing people to make informed choices about their health.

I'm very vulnerable to COVID and my mum who I care for is going through chemo. I would be so angry if someone didn't tell me. Like flu and other respiratory illnesses it is now mild for most but you should still give a sausage about those at risk. How selfish

You need to inform all guests that there's a chance you and husband are infectious too, and son obviously is. Ideally you'd all be masking in N95s. Inform not just guests but also staff and the registrar/celebrant. If you and husband don't develop it I'd try to minimise the time that your son spends at the event. @cheesecrackers45

What is the venue like? Contact Smart Air UK to hire air purifiers for the venue, to help reduce the risk of infection (run them on full blast). Open all windows and doors to allow maximum ventilation. Spend as much time outside as possible. Covid is airborne, every time you breathe you will exhale infectious particles if you are infected.

Covid is not just a cold. The initial infection may be mild for many but the long term consequences are there for everyone - it's a vascular disease that will damage your blood vessels and your organs. If anyone is pregnant they should not attend - it can damage the placenta with obviously negative consequences for the baby.

It's not that simple. Not everyone advertises vulnerabilities. They can be hidden. Or those of their family or friends who may be vulnerable that you don't know about'