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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad my dd won’t have a sister?

130 replies

ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 12:21

She has two older brothers, but for me and all around me wiht friends and cousins and aunts I see that special place a sister or several holds, and I’m so sad for her she won’t have that. It’s dhs call that we are done with babies and he’s just not very sensitive about things, which doesn’t help. Tell me of your close lasting relationships with brothers to make me feel better! (I have brothers too but it’s not the same)

OP posts:
JustAMinutePleass · 07/11/2023 12:26

My son will probably not have any siblings at all. His closest relationships have always been with girls & he became very close to his female cousin (only one he has on both sides of the family) once he started preschool - they just get on and once she became a teenager she began to take him to meet her friends in town too, despite his only being 4! So I don’t think you can predict it.

Diamondcurtains · 07/11/2023 12:29

I have sisters and aren’t close to any of them. My younger two are 16 (boy) and 17 (girl) and have a wonderful close relationship. They have an older sister she and older brother too but their relationship is closest.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/11/2023 12:30

Even if your DH did want more DC, there's no guarantee - as you know - you'd have produced a girl, so your point about this isn't really relevant.

I have 2 brothers, no sisters. I grew up knowing no other but had female friends. I had friends who got on with their sisters and friends who did not. My oldest friend has two much older sisters - they had both left home by the time she went up to secondary school. That's all she knew.

You're projecting your own feelings on to your daughter. It's pointless.

confusedlots · 07/11/2023 12:30

I have one sister and we don't get on, we rarely speak, we're just very different people. I would say it's a lot more common that sister's who have a very close bond. My close friend has an older brother around the same age as my older sister and they get on really well, their families meet up regularly and he always looks out for her.

AragornsGirl · 07/11/2023 12:30

I have a brother, we were very close growing up and still are. My daughter has a younger brother and they too are very close…I don’t feel she’s missing out by not having a sister.

tinselvestsparklepants · 07/11/2023 12:30

I have one sister and we are practically strangers. I'd have loved a brother!

MaggieDoyle · 07/11/2023 12:31

I really don’t understand this thinking.

  1. if you had more children there’s no guarantee you’d have a girl, so your daughter might still not have a sister
  2. I have a sister and a brother - my brother and I are in daily contact, my sister and I fell out about ten years ago, the extent of our relationship is polite conversation for <3 mins once or twice a year at extended family gatherings.

I don’t understand this “feeling sad for daughter because she’ll never have a sister” - you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

Hoardasurass · 07/11/2023 12:32

There is no guarantee that your dd would get on with a sister or have any sort of relationship with her.
I haven't seen my sis since our grans funeral 8 years ago and haven't spoken to her for more than 20 years.

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/11/2023 12:32

I need to answer your question about relationships with brothers. I have no real relationship with my 3 years older brother and an amazing relationship with my 9 years younger brother - we speak on the phone several times weekly, for lengthy periods (he usually phones me on his drive home from work!), I love him to bits and am very close to his wife and two daughters (age 18 and 23).

anicecuppateaa · 07/11/2023 12:34

I feel exactly the same. Grew up with a sister, my mum only had a sister, we went to a girls’ school etc, and my dd has 2 brothers. I feel sad for the sister relationship she will never have. That’s not to say she doesn’t love her brothers by the way, they all get on well and she definitely loves them.

Original poster
ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 12:34

MaggieDoyle · 07/11/2023 12:31

I really don’t understand this thinking.

  1. if you had more children there’s no guarantee you’d have a girl, so your daughter might still not have a sister
  2. I have a sister and a brother - my brother and I are in daily contact, my sister and I fell out about ten years ago, the extent of our relationship is polite conversation for <3 mins once or twice a year at extended family gatherings.

I don’t understand this “feeling sad for daughter because she’ll never have a sister” - you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

I think you do understand ‘you can’t miss what you’ve never had’, you choose not to for this post. If you had a mostly comfortable life and no worries about access to food for example, then when your dc were very young that changed and there was not always enough food, or there were not opportunities for young people in your country, you could be sad for your children even if they had never known anything else.

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 07/11/2023 12:34

I have a sister and we are not close at all. She's a particularly unkind person and I imagine she doesn't think much of me either, we've had long periods of low/no contact and it really hurts that I've missed out on having a close sibling relationship that I see friends have.
I have one of each, they're still only little but absolutely adore each other, I'm so glad I only have one of each, far less chance of sibling rivalry in my experience (Obviously just anecdotal).

WestwardHo1 · 07/11/2023 12:35

My niece has no sister, "only" brothers. Despite my closeness to my sister, it's never occurred to me to be sad about it for her Confused Surely it depends on the siblings? She gets on very well with her brothers.

TwigletAddict10 · 07/11/2023 12:35

It's personalities not the sex of your children that count. I'm not close with my sister. We will always be there for each other in times of crisis but if we were not related there is no way we would be friends. I don't think this is unusual looking at my female friendship group and their relationships with sisters.

I also know twin brothers and one is much closer to his sister than his own twin in terms of personality and they are more likely to hang out as adults.

I think there is a chance that your sadness might be more to do with not having another baby. It makes sense that you don't know what that baby would be like so imagining a fictitious relationship between girls gives you something a bit more solid to grieve over. It doesn't mean that it would be true.

truroballbag · 07/11/2023 12:36

my brother is so amazing he walked me down the aisle. He's always been my cool older brother and always will be!

My sisters are annoying fuckwits who compete over achy joints and weight loss / gain.....

Brothers are awesome!

WestwardHo1 · 07/11/2023 12:36

And she could well end up with lovely SILs.

Bloopadoop · 07/11/2023 12:37

I felt exactly the same as you when my last some was born (I have 3 boys and a girl). I was said my DD would not have a sister when my sisters are so important to me. But that feeling is long since gone - DD and DS3 have the most wonderful relationship, they are great friends. I didn’t have brothers so I haven’t experienced it, but there can be great sibling relationships between opposite sexes!

TheAgeOfAquarius · 07/11/2023 12:37

I just came here to echo what @AragornsGirl said. My brother is one of my best friends, we regularly meet up with our families too. My dd and ds have an amazing bond, i dont think that would be any better had ds been a girl.

Original poster
ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 12:38

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/11/2023 12:30

Even if your DH did want more DC, there's no guarantee - as you know - you'd have produced a girl, so your point about this isn't really relevant.

I have 2 brothers, no sisters. I grew up knowing no other but had female friends. I had friends who got on with their sisters and friends who did not. My oldest friend has two much older sisters - they had both left home by the time she went up to secondary school. That's all she knew.

You're projecting your own feelings on to your daughter. It's pointless.

I am not just projecting my own feelings. I see this close relationship with sisters in many women I know across generations and it is something special. I don’t really see that relationship amongst brothers, so there is a huge imbalance in the likelihood. It is perhaps more common between sisters and brothers than among brothers in the relationships I see but I’m not sure. These are observations of many people not just my own personal experience. I do know it does not work that way for all sisters, and of course I do know that I couldn’t guarantee having a girl. I should have put that in my op. But I am sad that there is no chance at all my dd has that special bond in her life.

OP posts:
MaggieDoyle · 07/11/2023 12:39

I think you’re being overly dramatic to equate not having a sister with lack of access to food or opportunity.
However, I think you misunderstood my meaning. YOU may miss that relationship, but I meant that your daughter won’t feel like she is missing out as she has never had a sister relationship and won’t know any different.

Kitcaterpillar · 07/11/2023 12:40

Thrillingly weird link between (checks notes) having ample access to food and having an extra sibling from the OP there.

35965a · 07/11/2023 12:40

I know what you mean, I have a boy and a girl. I’m closer with my sisters than I am with my brother.

However, I, like you OP, am looking through my own eyes at sibling relationships. I know plenty of women who don’t get along with their sisters and a few who are very close with their brothers. My own husband is not close with his brothers.

Even if you did have another girl there would be no guarantee that they’d get along in either childhood or adulthood.

PinkRoses1245 · 07/11/2023 12:41

VickyEadieofThigh · 07/11/2023 12:30

Even if your DH did want more DC, there's no guarantee - as you know - you'd have produced a girl, so your point about this isn't really relevant.

I have 2 brothers, no sisters. I grew up knowing no other but had female friends. I had friends who got on with their sisters and friends who did not. My oldest friend has two much older sisters - they had both left home by the time she went up to secondary school. That's all she knew.

You're projecting your own feelings on to your daughter. It's pointless.

This. You really need to let this go. I have no sisters. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.

Original poster
ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 12:41

I am very glad to hear from those who have shared about their amazing relationships with their brothers. Thank you! That is what I need to hear. Were any of you in a similar 2 boys than one girl family? I do worry that I’ve set her up to be the girl, the youngest, a bit separate, and to be honest I think a 4th child would balance it out more be it a boy or a girl.

OP posts:
TheKnittedCharacter · 07/11/2023 12:41

Meh. I have sisters but I’m far, far closer to my friends.

And I’d have loved a brother!