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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad my dd won’t have a sister?

130 replies

ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 12:21

She has two older brothers, but for me and all around me wiht friends and cousins and aunts I see that special place a sister or several holds, and I’m so sad for her she won’t have that. It’s dhs call that we are done with babies and he’s just not very sensitive about things, which doesn’t help. Tell me of your close lasting relationships with brothers to make me feel better! (I have brothers too but it’s not the same)

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 07/11/2023 13:46

@ajarintennessee, thanks for explaining. I’d made the assumption that it was about stereotypical ‘girly’ things, but I see it’s not that. It’s hard for me to understand I guess because I don’t have a sister so maybe there is something about that relationship that I’ve been missing out on all this time. But as I don’t have it, I don’t know what it is I’m missing so I’ve never been bothered by it!

doingitmyselfmum · 07/11/2023 13:46

My sister is ten years younger. We don't have a great relationship.

My daughter is 5 and I've had 3 boys after. So it really isn't in our hands tbh! I would have loved this baby to have been a girl but we can't pick and choose! (Not average folk anyway) so unless you pay for gender selection ivf or adopting. You have no choice. It's out of your hands

pulka · 07/11/2023 13:46

Sisters are overrated. My older sister was an abusive bully. My older brother is a wonderfully kind and funny man and we are very close, including with our spouses and children. We are both no contact with the horrible sister.

Screamingabdabz · 07/11/2023 13:48

AppaTheSixLeggedFlyingBison · 07/11/2023 12:51

I think age gap has more sway on closeness than gender. A boy and girl with 1 year apart are more likely to get on then a girl and girl with 7 years apart

Actually I’m really close to my brother who is 15 years my senior - we just ‘get’ each other.

I always wished I had a sister though. Even when my mates said they hated them and fought with their sisters you could tell they had a blood bond and a unique closeness. My dds have that now.

So I get how you feel op - YANBU.

allenginesgo · 07/11/2023 13:48

I think it's more about personality of the sibling than sex. I'm the eldest and have two younger brothers. One of whom I barely see/speak to but not because we're on bad terms, just different personalities. The other is one of my best mates and the kindest soul. Who's to say if I'd had a sister whether we would have got on as well?

viques · 07/11/2023 13:53

If your child ended up with a sister relationship like the one I had with my sister she wouldn’t be thanking you. From an early age she bullied me and made my life miserable. The relief when I finally - after an event I found unforgiveable - told her I didn’t want her in my life, was immense, and I haven’t regretted it for a moment. Not all sibling relationships work well , and some are toxic.

HollaHolla · 07/11/2023 13:56

I'm close to my sister - but equally close to my brother.
You could keep having kids, and they all be boys... My mum has 7 brothers (It was the 1940s/50s...) and is the only girl. She treats my sister and I like her siblings, tbh.

Expectingb24 · 07/11/2023 13:58

I have no sister and couldn’t understand what you mean more. Not helpful I know!!

margotrose · 07/11/2023 13:59

I'm an only child but my mum has two sisters - one she hasn't seen in four years and the other she hasn't spoken to in about 25 years.

Whether someone has a good relationship with their sibling is just luck - it has nothing to do with their gender.

GeorgeRaspberry · 07/11/2023 13:59

I'm in my early 30s and brother late 20s, we are very close. I also have a lovely sister in law and nephew.

FrozenGhost · 07/11/2023 14:00

I have a great relationship with my sister and I know what you mean. It's not that women and men can't be friends or have a close relationship, but there is a special understanding and relationship between women, there just is.

Having said that, you can't have everything. If you could have infinite lives, I'd have liked to have a brother, and I'd like to have five sisters, and I'd like to be the oldest, and I'd like to be the youngest, I'd like to have been an only child, and also one of ten, etc etc. There is good and bad about every family configuration.

Ballsbaill · 07/11/2023 14:00

My sister is a total bitch. Bullied me mercilessly as she was older and bigger and in adult hood still hates me.

Wish I didn't have her at all.

IActuallyDidItMyself · 07/11/2023 14:02

You have 3 healthy children. You are being totally unreasonable. Siblings tend to get along with each other based on personality not gender, I’m closer to my brother than my sister.

LadeOde · 07/11/2023 14:03

MaggieDoyle · 07/11/2023 12:31

I really don’t understand this thinking.

  1. if you had more children there’s no guarantee you’d have a girl, so your daughter might still not have a sister
  2. I have a sister and a brother - my brother and I are in daily contact, my sister and I fell out about ten years ago, the extent of our relationship is polite conversation for <3 mins once or twice a year at extended family gatherings.

I don’t understand this “feeling sad for daughter because she’ll never have a sister” - you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

Such common sense but alas!

useitorlose · 07/11/2023 14:04

I'm the younger of two girls, I'm not close to my sister at all and there's only 2.5 years between us. It's not a certainty.

GnomeDePlume · 07/11/2023 14:08

I have two older DBs and no sisters. I'm not close to either of my DBs. I don't feel a lack of a sister relationship because I have never had one. It isn't some yawning chasm in my life.

I have 2 DDs and one DS all now in their 20s. They all get along very well and love each other very much.

feellikeanalien · 07/11/2023 14:10

Perhaps she'll have some lovely sisters in law.

I love my DB but I am probably closer to my SIL.

TheShellBeach · 07/11/2023 14:13

I've got two utterly vile sisters who I'm NC with.

YABU

DeerWatch · 07/11/2023 14:18

My just turned 20 year old daughter is very close to her 4 older brothers, only one is still at home. They all adore her. She is off to stay at the weekend with one of them, does that regulary and is dog sitting for another brother next week.

I have a sister who I haven't seen for 7 years, but we do message each other every couple of weeks. I have two close friends who both feel far more like sisters to me.

DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 07/11/2023 14:18

Well I have one sister and we have nothing in common. My daughter, however, has a fantastic relationship with all three of her brothers, even more so now they're all adults. I don't think you can predict or force these relationships and it warms my heart to see my four getting on so well and having nights out together. Long may it last.

AirFryerFrequentFlyer · 07/11/2023 14:22

It's personalities not the sex of your children that count.

This!!! I could quote you many examples of sisters hating each other, and brothers being awesome, from my circle but really it all comes down to individual relationships and characters, not what's in their pants!

elizzza · 07/11/2023 14:29

I have a sister and we are pretty close, but the closest familial relationships in my life (other than husband and kids) are my female cousin and my SIL (my husband’s brother’s partner). Our closeness is based on lots of things, had kids around the same time, interests in common, work in similar industries. Cousin is an only child and SIL has one brother, so maybe they were on the lookout for sister-surrogates, but they’re definitely like sisters to me now.

CocoPlum · 07/11/2023 14:51

My daughter is in her teens and is v close to her brother, I hope it stays this way. As for not having a sister, she has a best friend who she's known her whole life and that's her "sister".

I have a sister but although we get on she's not at all my best friend. And while your relationship with your brothers "isn't the same", who's to say hers won't be? I have a brother too and we are not that close, but as I said above, my daughter is close to hers. Our experience is not theirs.

Holly60 · 07/11/2023 15:30

ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 13:18

Now there will be a flood of people telling me what rubbish, as if the age gap counts, 14 year old girls can absolutely date your 19 and 22 year old sons, don’t be so ridiculously naive op 😁😁

Maybe not date (!!) but definitely fancy! And yes when they get to early 20s they will deffo all be hanging around together if my experience is anything to go by.

Mary46 · 07/11/2023 15:43

I have sisters we not overly close. My daughter has a brother. Sisters can be hard work in my opinion.