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Original poster

To be sad my dd won’t have a sister?

130 replies

ajarintennessee · 07/11/2023 12:21

She has two older brothers, but for me and all around me wiht friends and cousins and aunts I see that special place a sister or several holds, and I’m so sad for her she won’t have that. It’s dhs call that we are done with babies and he’s just not very sensitive about things, which doesn’t help. Tell me of your close lasting relationships with brothers to make me feel better! (I have brothers too but it’s not the same)

OP posts:
Nameshame · 07/11/2023 15:44

I get where you are coming from. I have friends with close sibling relationships that I envy.
I have a brother and sister but we rarely see either, despite living close. No falling out, we’re just very different people. My 2 children are young adults (close in age, brother and sister) but get on well.

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/11/2023 15:45

You have 3 children. Count your blessings

Ballsbaill · 07/11/2023 16:12

but there is a special understanding and relationship between women, there just is.

Is that a joke? All the posts of women hating their MILs and other people's kids?

Anyflippingname · 07/11/2023 16:15

theduchessofspork · 07/11/2023 13:34

It’s fine to be sad about it - but not TOO a sad because she can make female friendships that will do the same job.

Other that the fact you might have had another boy, or if you’d had a girl they might not have been close, no one gets everything in life, so this is not something to dwell on.

What good advice.

Hotpinkparade · 07/11/2023 16:15

I have a brother and a sister, I have good relationships with both but definitely closer to my brother. We have always spent lots of time together, going to gigs, out for dinner or on holiday together etc. Personality is a much bigger factor in relationships than gender!

occa · 07/11/2023 16:17

I have a sister but am not close to her. At all.

I always wished for a brother.

SkaneTos · 07/11/2023 16:20

OP, you asked about sibsets with two older brothers and a younger sister.
My father has an older brother, and an older sister (sister is the middle child). So not the same as your children, but I just wanted to write that he has always been very close with both his siblings. I think he has his brother as a role model, but he has travelled a lot with his sister, and they have so much fun together! They are all three of them in their 70s now, and they live quite far from each other, but they try to meet up every summer.

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 07/11/2023 16:20

I have a brother and sister, have always been a lot closer to my brother

TheScientists · 07/11/2023 16:28

Read your messages, didn't read whole thread because I just can't wait to say that my brother is just my favourite person and I adore him. Like I couldn't imagine loving a sibling more. He's just the best. Also I get to hang out with his awesome wife my DSIL.

Oopsadaisysgranny · 07/11/2023 16:47

I only had a brother and we are very close . My daughter has 4 brothers and she is the boss !!! She is very close to all of them . I’m not sure she would have enjoyed not being the only girl

CloseYourMouthLynn · 07/11/2023 17:54

My brother died last year, but he was my absolute best pal and there were 4 years between us. I'm sure your dd will be fine and she won't know any different.

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 07/11/2023 19:03

I have a sister and two brothers. All younger. We all get on, but my sister and youngest brother are the closest.

FrozenGhost · 08/11/2023 01:14

Ballsbaill · 07/11/2023 16:12

but there is a special understanding and relationship between women, there just is.

Is that a joke? All the posts of women hating their MILs and other people's kids?

No it's not a joke. Otherwise why would this forum even exist.

Holly60 · 08/11/2023 05:44

No it's not a joke. Otherwise why would this forum even exist.

@FrozenGhost does our special bond consist of being able to endlessly moan about both the men and the women in our lives?? And then be told that we are being mostly unreasonable? 😂😂😂

To be fair I agree there is a special bond between women - I love my daughter/ mother/mother in law/ friends/Sister in law

But there is also a special (different) bond between men and women. I also adore my son/DH/father/father in law/ brother.

I have witnessed (and history happens to have witnessed also if you wanted to consider that) a special and unique bond between men too.

Non are less significant than the others although they are all different: based on different things and experienced in different ways.

I'd still not argue that mumsnet in particular bares witness to the special bond between women (although I don't dispute it's there)!!!!! 😬

GreyhpundGirl · 08/11/2023 05:51

I have two older brothers. I don't remember ever wanting a sister. We are close even though we are in different parts of the country. My daughter is, and will be an only, she'll be fine too. Siblings don't equal happiness.

supernoodletrain · 08/11/2023 05:53

I'm the youngest girl with older brothers and I absolutely adore them. My mum has sisters but I never yearned for a sister and don't feel like I've missed out at all. I have close female friends and my sisters in law make nice substitutes too!

MayThe4th · 08/11/2023 06:26

I feel sorry for the children whose parents have these kinds of expectations of them.

The parents who feel they should have another child because they want their children to have this special sibling relationship, and then feeling sad because it doesn’t happen.

What if you had a girl and she formed a fantastic relationship with her older brothers and your existing dd became overlooked altogether? It can and does happen. You need to be careful what you wish for, because life rarely turns out the way you think it should.

I have a sister but we’re not close. We don’t not get on we just aren’t close. I see her maybe a couple of times a year and we never speak in between - we just don’t.
Growing up I wished I’d had an older brother because my friends with older brothers always had a fantastic relationship with them (and I fancied most of them) ;) but I didn’t and now as an adult I wouldn’t expect a super close relationship with a sibling anyway.

You are projecting your own feelings on to your DD and that’s really not fair.

My DS is an only child and although I wanted more, he told me that he is glad he is an only child. He has a half brother on his dad’s side but although I know my eXH would like there to be a sibling relationship, there really isn’t. But my eXH is likely projecting his own experience of having a close sibling relationship which he had with his sister until she died four years ago.

You have three healthy children who are likely too young for their relationships to be fully defined yet. But dwelling on what could have been just isn’t healthy.

Forsakenalmosthuman · 08/11/2023 07:04

My brothers are wonderful, protective, funny, dear souls.

My best friend and her sister can't even stand being in the same house together. They visit their dad during different timeslots at Christmas

Autiebibliophile · 08/11/2023 07:08

My sister bullied me all through childhood. We briefly got closer as adults but then she started again. We are no longer close.

surferparadise · 08/11/2023 07:12

MaggieDoyle · 07/11/2023 12:31

I really don’t understand this thinking.

  1. if you had more children there’s no guarantee you’d have a girl, so your daughter might still not have a sister
  2. I have a sister and a brother - my brother and I are in daily contact, my sister and I fell out about ten years ago, the extent of our relationship is polite conversation for <3 mins once or twice a year at extended family gatherings.

I don’t understand this “feeling sad for daughter because she’ll never have a sister” - you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

This. Of all the women I know with sisters, literally none of them see them very much at all- they are akin to acquaintances, not best buddies. Three of my female friends dont even speak to their sisters and dont get on. Of course, I am sure that close sisters exist but there is no way you could ever guarantee that. You cant control something like this so far better to let this go if its making you feel upset.

Apossum · 08/11/2023 07:14

Kindly, you’re being a bit unreasonable specifically re the sister issue, altho I understand and can empathise with the sad feeling that comes with being done with babies despite not quite feeling emotionally there yet.
if it helps, I have lots of siblings, so plenty of relationship dynamics to draw on, and my closest relationship by far is with my eldest brother, 5 years older than me, and always has been. Yes I’m also close with my sisters, altho I’ve found there to be many more issues and arguments with them along the way, but it’s always been the case that that brother and I have had a special bond. He gave me my middle name to match him (so he’s Harry X surname and I’m Y Harriet surname, for example) and used to read my bedtime story every night from when my DM brought me home. I wanted to be just like him growing up and he was always happy to have his little tagalong, even when we were teenagers. He’s still one of my very best friends and my go-to for advice (beyond my DH ofc), he even walked me down the aisle at my wedding and was the first to meet my baby son.

justl0st · 08/11/2023 07:19

I have a younger brother and we get on really well, go out together and spend the day, our other halves get on so we double date etc.

mangochops · 08/11/2023 07:46

but there is a special understanding and relationship between women, there just is

Yes, I have an amazing bond with my female friends but that is because we have shared interests, outlooks, compatible personalities and have mutually chosen to be close and support each other. There are also many women whom I would not choose to be friends with, not because I hate them, but because we simply wouldnt get on. People dont get on just by virtue of being women- if that were the case, we'd all be absolutely best friends with the closest female who lived near us and clearly, thats not the case. I dont have a sister but my friends who do are closer to their female friends than their sibling due to the above reasons.

gotomomo · 08/11/2023 07:48

My dp's sisters are nc with each other both both are friendly with him. Both being female, plus close in age doesn't mean they're close as adults.

I'm closer to my brothers than he is to his siblings

Nevermind31 · 08/11/2023 07:52

My brother and my sister are much closer than me and my sister (or brother).

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