Birthday party ignorance

[superdupernamechange]

Long story short -
I sent out birthday invites over a week ago to the children invited to my child's 5th birthday party. (Let's say around 15 children were invited)
The invites were a bit badly put together (printed them myself) but I included the information -
"(Insert name here)'s birthday party"
"Date and location"
"Time of party"
"Phone number - any questions please ask" (yes I definitely wrote the phone number down correctly)
"Please RSVP by (insert date) with name of child and whether you are able to attend, thank you."
It's been over a week now and I have not had a single reply.
There is only a few days left until the RSVP date.
I'm unable to chase the matter up with most of the parents, for a number of reasons. (Silly reasons, but I am unable to nonetheless)

Would it be unreasonable of me to cancel the party if I receive no replies by the RSVP date?
This seems like the most logical thing to do.

My worry with this is that people will still turn up, even having not bothered to respond. They will then be met with no party and I will be the bad guy at the school gates for letting their children down.

On the other hand, why would I go ahead with something that quite possibly nobody will turn up to. I don't want them to think the world revolves around them, and that I will go ahead with it even with no responses.

What would you do?
This is my first time planning something like this and I am really stuck for what to do.
Thanks.

This is what class WhatsApp groups are actually useful for: we've always done all our party planning through these.

It is amazing how few people bother to reply, even if you do contact them via a Whatsapp group. It's really difficult if you don't know who are the parents in your class, you never really get to know them with breakfast clubs and after school clubs. In our Reception at school they do line up by class with parents so at least you know people by sight.
My daughter held a party for her son in nursery and only had one (verbal) reply but actually about 8 of them turned up on the day. It wasn't fancy, just the local clubroom, snacky food and a cake. She did simple party bags, invited a couple of his other friends and all went well.
Her daughter's party went much the same way, hardly any responses and just 9 turning up.

Honestly I'd make less effort next time, just lay on a room and food and play games with music. When they're older with established friends you can take a few of them out for a treat instead.
I look forward to hearing how it goes @superdupernamechange

How am I supposed to make my ex RSVP?

@ccvv Of course that's perfectly acceptable and understandable. Obviously there are some exceptional circumstances where it's not possible but there are just too many on here that seem to think it's okay to not rsvp and either turn up or not.

Even in your very specific situation though, presumably you would never just ignore the invite?
You'd respond just to say you're sorry but it falls on your ex's weekend and you aren't in contact with him.

Asking the child for information is clearly different from asking the school.

The school has the right to retain personal data about children for specific purposes and they are not allowed to share that data. That includes list of names.

Many times I didn't even see an invite. And it was me that got tackled at the school and put on the spot, never him.

If there was an invite in the bag, that fell on his weekend I used to message the number and say I was very sorry but it fell on their dad's weekend and I would pass the invite on.

He would never reply and in the end I stopped messaging the parent to tell them anything, because I was the one getting text after text from the parent wanting to know if DD or DS were going. And I couldn't tell them. And it was me they were tackling at school pick up drop off and it was bad enough having to be under the pressure face to face.

And I just wasn't up for taking that stress on.

Well I wouldn't be offering that level of personal information to a parent I I'd never met who didn't even invite my child by name!

Ive read all your replies and you seem very negative, there are days til the replies need to be in, people do just turn up, but it seems you would rather ruin your childs birthday than act like an adult, stop making excuses and actually ask the parents

You do have a way of contacting them, just go up to them in the playground ask of they are so and sos parent and ask them if they got the invite and if hey are going. Not difficult. Dont cancel a childs birthday party when I would bet a winning lottery ticket that several will turn up. If you really want to deal with the ignorance ask them when they turn up why they didnt RSVP.

Yes, I know, I agree, which is why it seems silly to be all offended and huffy about it being rude and "standards are slipping" and "nobody has manners!!"

Thinking that something is understandable and thinking that it is good practice are not the same thing but some posters are reacting like they are.

You asked for an RSVP, so I don’t think you would be a bad guy for canceling, even if people showed up.

if you can’t get your money back for the deposit then I’d just invite adult friends and family, people who love your kid.

Got a 10 year old in year 6, that's 5 years of doing school parties. You're good. The RSVP date is 4 days away so just sit back and wait for the replies. Generally I find replies will come like this: Batch 1 - the day the invite goes out or the day after, a few replies from the kids who are close to your child, or LOVE the sound of the party you are having; trickle 2 - the people who see the invite and think it would be good, but aren't quite sure whether they can come straight away; batch 3: the bulk who realise the day before or the day of the RSVP date, that they need to RSVP; trickle 4: the ones who missed the RSVP date, are super disorganised, or for some reason didn't know if they could make it! Your RSVP date hasn't passed, all is good for now. Worry a couple of days after.

If you don’t have phone numbers you will have to speak to parents directly at pick up. Hopefully you included your phone number on the invites, ask them to message you if they are not sure

Rather than disappoint my daughter I'd just hang around at pick up... anyone leaving the class with a small girl in tow I'd simply say "Hi - just checking if you are bringing your LO to our party on...." don't need to know names / it's 1 sentence and worst that can come as a reply is "sorry I'm Childminder/ no English" at which point I'd cross 1 attendee number off.
Goodluck!

My daughter had a party in year 2 I think. The whole class of 30 was invited. 5 turned up. I was devastated but luckily out of school friends turned up. My daughter wasn't bothered but I was fuming. She never had another party ever again at that school. We just did things as a family but luckily her birthday is in a half term.

All the people not replying are just rude xx

The invites will still be in bags, you need to make an effort and approach the parents either that get your daughter on it, tell her to go in and ask her friends if they are coming to her party they will then go back and remind their parents.

Threads like these baffle me.

Are these schools where no one knows a single other parent at the gate in urban areas with high turnover or something
?

I thought it was standard these days to have a whatsapp group.

A paper invitation in a book bag the day before half term 100% would have gone missing.

Well of course the teachers are not going to give you a list of pupils names! You ask your child for their friends names, a four year old is perfectly capable of knowing names and if she doesn’t know somebody’s name then she doesn’t need to invite them.

I would imagine that the parents are not sure if the invites were for them as they have no name on them. And you do sound condescending to other parents as apparently you think they wouldn’t know what RSVP means a

Aw I remember being in this position with my daughter’s first party. The RSVPs came in really late and a couple just turned up- I hope it turns out to be the same for you.
Im also not a very outgoing person so would have found it hard to approach people about it at the gate.
luckily we had a fb group so I was able to put a reminder on there.
I liked the idea further back of printing off some spares and checking whether they got them - very non confrontational. A bit of a pain as you’ll have to hover and see who’s picking up the girls. I hope it works out!

Have you had any responses now OP?

I remember for my daughter her bday was May and ended up sending invites out just before lock down 1 person replied 2 days later. I was shocked no one even messaged with a no or a response due to lockdown. Always stuck with me! Cancel and take her away for the day. Memories with family beats kids party’s ANYDAY!

is there not a class whatsapp group or similar where you could post a digital invite? Or post a reminder?. Most invites in my kids classes are sent this way now as you know people have received it! I wouldn’t cancel people will definitely turn up , in my experience unfortunately people sometimes just forget to respond or don’t until the last minute it’s annoying I know but there will be some that do turn up so I wouldn’t worry

Hmmm. I have a grandson who is year one. Now he is taxied to and from school so his parents never do school runs. However he's been to the greatest majority of parties he was invited to ( bag checked daily, not just for invites but for conkers snails half eaten food and suchlike)

Consequently when was his birthday recently enough of the other parents knew who he and his parents were and they did turn up St his party. Although his parents ae not friends with any of the other school parents and certainly no contact on a day to day basis He didn't have one in reception though being a September birthday.

Hello, I’ve got kids aged 12,8 and 4 - I’ve never ever received a paper invite - it’s always been done via WhatsApp. I’d chase the parents via WhatsApp - at this stage in reception it sounds like you don’t have a class WhatsApp group yet. That’s not an issue - start one and you can get the numbers you need. I started one for my sons reception class. I added the four parents who were at school pick up with me that day (don’t know them, just asked if they thought it would be handy), made them all admins, and now the whole class is on there because they added people who added others. I need a WhatsApp as I only pick up once a week, never do drop off, and need to have people remind me about what’s going on! It’s not hard to get the ball rolling. And also, you haven’t hit the rsvp date yet - so it may be too early to stress!