Birthday party ignorance

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Long story short -
I sent out birthday invites over a week ago to the children invited to my child's 5th birthday party. (Let's say around 15 children were invited)
The invites were a bit badly put together (printed them myself) but I included the information -
"(Insert name here)'s birthday party"
"Date and location"
"Time of party"
"Phone number - any questions please ask" (yes I definitely wrote the phone number down correctly)
"Please RSVP by (insert date) with name of child and whether you are able to attend, thank you."
It's been over a week now and I have not had a single reply.
There is only a few days left until the RSVP date.
I'm unable to chase the matter up with most of the parents, for a number of reasons. (Silly reasons, but I am unable to nonetheless)

Would it be unreasonable of me to cancel the party if I receive no replies by the RSVP date?
This seems like the most logical thing to do.

My worry with this is that people will still turn up, even having not bothered to respond. They will then be met with no party and I will be the bad guy at the school gates for letting their children down.

On the other hand, why would I go ahead with something that quite possibly nobody will turn up to. I don't want them to think the world revolves around them, and that I will go ahead with it even with no responses.

What would you do?
This is my first time planning something like this and I am really stuck for what to do.
Thanks.

I have to say as well that starting your kid at reception is the most socially awkward time of a grown person's life. You want to get to know people but you don't necessarily want to be MUM FRIENDS. You want your kid to have a social network, but you don't want to be needy or in a clique. You want to be the class whatsapp group but also you don't want to be in the class whatsapp group.

It's like starting a new job but nobody does any introductions or inductions. You have to try and get to know people in the most stressful 5 minutes of theirs and your day (the panicked rushed time between levering a child into uniform and into school before running to work). It is awful and I'm amazed any of us manage it. So you have my sympathy.

It is so difficult isn't it!

We did a party for my 6 uear old.

Mainly family kids. But to make up number we invited 8 from her class.

2 RSVPd a few days before.
And one rang 15 minutes before the party started apologising for not RSVP and asking if it was OK if kid came.
One just turned up.

We already had loads of kids from family so weren't gonna cancel. But it just tells you how difficult it is with organising class parties.

I didn't see it as difficult at all.There were no mums/dads groups & although everyone knew each other to see & to say Hi on the passing, there was none of this we must all interact & be friends just because our DC are in the same class at school then causing anxiety if expectations were not met. There would be the obligatory chat if desired while waiting in the playground. The thing I found most interesting was if there were mums who did form a genuine frienship their children were then encouraged to be best friends. I was happy to let my DC pick their own friends & it worked out well.

If it were me I would cancel. It’s actually rude no one has replied even with a “sorry xx can’t make it but thanks for the invite”. Imagine if you went ahead with no rsvps and no one turned up. Your poor little girl would be heartbroken. And if parents turn up and you cancelled - karma it’s their own fault for not sending an rsvp!

She can't tell me the names really, she's only 4 and only started September.

My DS is 11 and I doubt that he could confidently give me an exhaustive list of all the boys/girls/children in his class!

I’d set up a WhatsApp for the mums of the girls entitled - class party. I’d add any that I knew and I’d invite others to add the rest (make everyone an admin).

i’d post the details along lines of

DD’s party is on x date and x time at x venue.
i sent invites via the school before half term and because not one has replied I am not sure if they were received. I’m just trying to work out who can come, feel free to private message me or post here.

honestly my youngest is in year 9, my oldest is at university and I haven’t seen a paper invite since my oldest was like in year 2, in around 2010! We had WhatsApps just for the girls / boys for parties…

It sounds to me like you want to cancel, so cancel. I would personally wait until the day after the RSVP date to cancel, but that's just me. You'll have plenty of other opportunities over the years. But yes, it is rude to not RSVP but tons of people do it anyway- Oh yes, and they also sometimes leave you with their child for hours on end without warning, have an undisclosed dietary requirement or dump a surprise sibling on you on the day 😎😂.

You could get your daughter to remind the invited girls in the class verbally as a last ditch effort.

By the way, your child's school sound really difficult and unhelpful; that honestly doesn't bode well... Refusing to even give a class list is just obstructive and/or lazy.

You need to be an adult and communicate. Stop them and ask them if they recieved the invite and can their child make it. Its very simple. Why would you cancel it?

I think a factor is giving them out just before half term. I can honestly say RSVP'ing to party invites in school holidays does not enter my radar then gets forgotten about afterwards when school goes back.

Secondly I personally always find it odd when young kids have a party for only girls or only boy as it can set the tone for year's to come. My kids have friends that are male and female and have always had and attended parties with both sexes. As kids get older they tend to pick friendship groups but when they are younger we always included all the kids they played with. I wouldn't be to keen to take my child to a party thats only includes a certain sex as it seems an outdated concept to me and not one I wish my children to be part of.

Also unfortunately knowing the other parent can be a factor to. If your child happens to be having a party at the same time as another child whose parent knows everyone chances are if they are young kids they will be going to the party of the child whose mum's is friend with another mum.

I hope for your little one's sake you do get some RSVPS soon though.

Forgot to add it's fairly standard now not to give out class lists of names as it's a breach of the GPDR act potentially.

You wont be able to cancel without speaking to the other parents anyway...so you might as well approach them and ask if theyre coming.

This is insanely rude! :(

Oh sorry to hear that. It's difficult when she's just started school and only 4, so many new faces and names to remember. I hope you do get replies soon though! If I'd got an invite like that I'd probably have queried with my child and texted parent who is inviting.. I wouldn't just Not Respond but that's me.

I'd honestly talk to the teacher. Is the number definitely right on the invitation? If it is then speak to the teacher and say that you've had no replies and are worried. Just say you're checking that they've gone out. I work in a school, I know things get missed!

Don’t be ridiculous. 10/15 are not going to turn up having not replied. And she’s FIVE.

It’s not lazy. It’s literally breaching GDPR!

We had this in reception -out of 10 or so three replied after sending out two or three rounds invitations and then two of those pulled out that weekend - luckily had other friends from out of school to make up the party. RSVP rates had been much higher at nursery so I was quite surprised. Good luck

If you have had no RSVPs by the date you’ve given and you have no way of chasing replies then I would assume nobody can come and I’d cancel the party and do something special as a family to celebrate instead. If people turn up when they haven’t RSVPd then that is on them that they’ll get there and there’s no party. It’s not at all in any shape or form your fault. If people RSVP after the date you’ve given and it’s too late as you’ve already cancelled the party then you’re perfectly reasonable to say that to them.

I have read all your responses and there’s a few things this could be down too.

Invite received just before half term, put down somewhere and forgot about.

Invite still in the book bag - I worked in a school office and there are lots of parents that never check the bags!

No name on the envelope and no introduction with the invites, people probably wondering if it was meant for them? I used to just ask my daughters for the names of the people in her class and then stick in a few spare when I handed to the teacher in case my daughter had forgotten someone.

art work is often sent home the last day of term so it’s quite possible a plain envelope would of been missed and is amongst the saved artwork/recycling bin depending on the parent

I assume it’s a weekend party and may even be on of those mid afternoon affairs which for a busy family are just the worst timing so they may not want to commit until they have organised their weekend.

having hosted several kids parties now you will invariably get the people who respond last minute with a not saying sorry I forgot to RSVP sooner, you will get the people who just turn up on the day with no mention of the RSVP (often with another child in tow), and you will get people who had accepted and then don’t turn up.

is your daughters best school friend coming, I assume you have asked her mum as your in contact with her? I would then watch as the children leave class and approach a few of those with girls, just explaining your not sure if they received the invite but you need to confirm numbers with the venue. As long as you can get a handful of yes then your party can go ahead and she will have fun (with some extras showing up on the day). Or as a back up can you invite some of her non school friends?

I would take more invites the the gates and ask your daughter to give them to her friends as they walk by.

I do think you have to just ask the parents when you are collecting from school.

If I was in your situation with not many replies i'd think about inviting the boys too - at 4 they probably have friends of boys and girls and change friends regularly and this would reduce the risk of no one turning up.
It's unlikely 100% of the girls would not reply and still turn up.

TBH I’d be so annoyed that I’d probably cancel after the rsvp date. Bugger being so up in the air about what will happen on the day. If they don’t happen to see the cancellation notice, well tough luck.

And I wouldn’t be paying for siblings either. I’m too bloody minded for that. Not that anyone did at any of my two kids parties.

The only time I might leave it open ended is if it was at home. Then it doesn’t really matter how many turn up, but like a pp I’d be preparing my child for a small number. No scratch that, like you I’d be worried no one at all would turn up unless I had some definite yeses.

Why are people so bloody rude these days? I cannot ever remember my children having parties where people didn't RSVP .It's just normal manners !
Very few mobile phones back in the mid 90s early 00s, but people actually communicated !

Go to the school for drop off and pick up asap.

Tackle the parents in person.