Birthday party ignorance

[superdupernamechange]

Long story short -
I sent out birthday invites over a week ago to the children invited to my child's 5th birthday party. (Let's say around 15 children were invited)
The invites were a bit badly put together (printed them myself) but I included the information -
"(Insert name here)'s birthday party"
"Date and location"
"Time of party"
"Phone number - any questions please ask" (yes I definitely wrote the phone number down correctly)
"Please RSVP by (insert date) with name of child and whether you are able to attend, thank you."
It's been over a week now and I have not had a single reply.
There is only a few days left until the RSVP date.
I'm unable to chase the matter up with most of the parents, for a number of reasons. (Silly reasons, but I am unable to nonetheless)

Would it be unreasonable of me to cancel the party if I receive no replies by the RSVP date?
This seems like the most logical thing to do.

My worry with this is that people will still turn up, even having not bothered to respond. They will then be met with no party and I will be the bad guy at the school gates for letting their children down.

On the other hand, why would I go ahead with something that quite possibly nobody will turn up to. I don't want them to think the world revolves around them, and that I will go ahead with it even with no responses.

What would you do?
This is my first time planning something like this and I am really stuck for what to do.
Thanks.

When you go to collect your child, I'm sure you can approach those who also collect a girl and ask did you get the invite for Emily's party?
It's really not that difficult.

No I am considering whether I should cancel after the RSVP date IF I get no replies at all. Which is looking likely sadly.
I've never done anything like this before, so I am a little worried about it.
I think as I would respond straight away if my daughter was invited. I expect they from people, it's just rude not to in my opinion

Saying that, there is 4 days left until the RSVP date. So still time. Just not hopeful

If the teacher has given them out into bags they're probably still in the kids bags forgotten about. Case in point, my daughter handed me an invite this morning to a party that happened on Saturday.

Speak to the ones you can. People are more likely to come if they know who the parent is.
Invite another 5 (always go higher due to people declining)
Invite some friends children/cousins if you can

Oh....so you don't know the names of the children? Have you asked your daughter. She must be able to tell you the names.
Then go up to a random parent - " Hi are you Sarah's Mum? I'm trying to match children to parents" and let the conversation evolve from there.
To be honest - at that age parties at home are better. Much cheaper and if only 3 turn up it doesn't matter. They will all just end up playing with the Barbie's in the bedroom anyway.

Regardless, you will need to do some lobbying, reminding parents, be on friendly terms. You don’t need to be friends, but if you are invisible you will damage her social life. And potentially end up without children st the party. At this age it is still very much about parents’ involvement

That is a strong possibility, honestly.

It's all so hard at first isn't it. If I were you I'd suggest starting a whatsap group to any parent you meet and it'll grow from there. Be proactive and brave about it and then life will get easier in the future.

It's not about making friends just having a line of communication.

I do struggle with anxiety actually, but I don't think it's that.
I really prefer my own company, so I am not looking to make friends. I absolutely do say hello to the other parents and smile. But get nothing back. It's not just me, nobody seems to speak to each other.
The other week I tried to make small talk with a parent whilst waiting and I was met with "sorry, no English" ..seriously.
The parent I've spoken to's daughter is good friends with mine since sept, so they often walk out together and we have a brief chat then. But that is all

Can you get there a bit early, so you see every child come out, and ask everyone who collects a girl if they are coming?

Don't do this until after the RSVP date you gave though!

It sounds to me, like you've left your RSVP too late, so you're panicking.

I've recently done invitations 3 weeks in advance, with a RSVP date of 1 week before the party.

I'm not expecting to have many responses until the date I asked for.

Would they have assumed from the wording on the invite that they are only too respond if attending?

I've had every type of invite over the years and some have just RSVP and RSVP if attending. I once replied with a no and apologies to a RSVP if attending and got a big mouthful about cluttering up her messages with my no reply 😂

If there's still time before the cut off date I wouldn't cancel just yet. I never knew people had to reply well before that ? I always assumed the cut off date gave them enough time to sort their numbers.

Or maybe people don't want to go. You will get people not into the birthday parties, they can be overwhelming for some.

This is really encouraging. Thank you.
Its replies like this that make me realise sometimes that I am quite a worrier about things. And it doesn't have to be as bad as I make it out to be in my head.
Thank you :) x

I'm sorry but you just need to catch the parents on the way in to or out of school, it must be easy to spot the girls in the reception class and their parent/carer or get your child to point them out.

Maybe not for you, but for me, things like this are definitely difficult and I definitely do find it a big deal.

It never crossed my mind that this could happen, I check my daughter's bag every day when she comes home. I couldn't imagine not doing that.

@superdupernamechange everybody is probably still a bit shy with each other.
Does the school have a PTA? At my daughter's school there was a regular Friday morning coffee morning for parents. It could be a good way for reception parents to get to know each other. Maybe the PTA could organise one. Just an hour in the morning.
Obviously not all parents will be able to attend but it's a good start.

In hindsight I should have gone with something smaller. But we've gone for a soft play with a party room

As you've said you've never done this before, I think you should listen to the people who have.

You have to chase this up with parents who haven't rsvp'd - even though it's frustrating. I just re Carly had a surprise party for my DD, a few didn't get back to me so my mum as pick up times had to chase up on this or you go ahead with the party. You shouldn't cancel unless it's an emergency.

Kids parties are notorious for being an RSVP-induced nightmare. Just look at the threads on MN that get posted regularly.

Get the one person you have met to help you.

Honestly, I know it's not easy, but you're making this harder than it needs to be.

And you're landing yourself with a potential disaster if you cancel then party but several kids turn up at the venue to be turned away.

You're going to have to be proactive. Approach people directly. Get one on side and then get them to help you identify the other mums of girls.

Sometimes there's a gran that does pick up and can often be easier to be friendly with as she's likely to have done all of this before and knows the difficulties.

I honestly feel for you because this is a whole new world that's outside of your comfort zone. But you can't give up and cancel until you've really tried to sort this.

Well rest assured not every parent is checking their child's bag every evening. 🤣 I get home from work hours after they've finished school. Then I'm busy cooking tea, tidying up, trying to find an ounce of free time to do something relaxing. Last thing on my mind is checking bags.

These invites were handed out nearly 2 weeks ago, and the RSVP date is a week before the party, so not too different to you.
I am worried about it though - I will get there earlier tomorrow.

Ah OP I'm in the same boat! In my case the parents pick up between 3:30 and 6 so I can't grab them usually! I've just brought it up whenever I've seen people last week and am hoping that they turn up but it's so annoying when you're paying per child and you don't know if they're turning up or if you've wasted your money!

If anything like DS class, they will turn up even though they haven't replied and dump younger siblings at the venue unbeknown to you and skip off not to be seen again until several hours after the party should have finished. I suggest you cancel on the cheeky fuckers.

It's so frustrating isn't it! Our school is also a between 3:30 and 6 pick up!! And a lot of the parents definitely are not there at 3:30 when I go, so it does make it harder!
Fingers crossed for us!

Finally someone with a similar thought process to me ! If we go ahead, I am 100% expecting at least some of them to turn up with siblings. They can pay themselves in 😕