To read my daughter's WhatsApp messages

[JoelyJoe]

So. This is a genuine question, and I'm prepared for strong opinions either way, but I would really like to know what people think.
My daughter has just turned 13, she is in year 8 at school and has had a mobile phone since year 6. When she got the phone I told her the deal was that I would read her WhatsApps from time to time.
My reasons are to protect her / her friends, and to ensure that there is not bullying or situations / content that I think are inappropriate at her age. Social Media did not exist when I was young, and while I know that it can't be put back in the box, I think think there are inherent dangers... as many people do.
As I said, I have always been upfront with her that I will sometimes look at her messages, I don't do it very often, and obviously at some point in the near future (not sure exactly when though!!) I will stop doing it.
Any thoughts? Am I invading her privacy or is this a necessity to protect our young people... And for those of you who also do / did the same, at what age did you stop??

I didn't have had a phone at 13. I got my first mobile phone at 15.

I check my 13 year old's. Had I not, I wouldn't have found something concerning and been able to put a stop to it.

Gosh, every day is overkill, don't you think?

Its fine. You've been upfront with her that you are not yet allowing her privacy where her phone is concerned, so you can't be invading something she doesn't have.

Given that Whatsapp is 16+ and has very few safety features, I think checking it is entirely reasonable, as would deleting the app be

You are completely in the right , you’ve been up front and set the boundaries up. This is good parenting

Can someone explain to me why WhatsApp where the messages don’t disappear and you need someone’s phone number is riskier than Snapchat? Snapchat any old rando can pretend to be a child without any real trace to them. That is where the problems with grooming come from (or at least the ones I’ve heard of)

WhatsApp large groups are to be avoided (whole class/ year group) otherwise it’s much like texting.

Anyone would think the age restrictions are arbitrary. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Someone upthread mentions spamming. Okay, but this is also the case in emails.

I completely think phones should be checked, but kids need to learn how to use this stuff, it’s part of life.

To the poster who said it's snooping, it absolutely is not as you've been open and honest about the spot checks being part of the deal, and if your dd objects strongly, she has the option to give up the phone.
Checking is sensible when they're that young and only you know when it would be appropriate to stop as kids mature at different rates/schools have differing problems with bullying.
My kids are adults now but the rule was, when you can take on a part-time weekend job and pay your own contract, you can have a phone in your own name and have full privacy.

The school my two DSs attend fully encourage parents to check phones up to 16. So many issues they have in school is because of SM. When I look at my DS14 phone though it is so dull, boys just communicate monosyllabically with occasional gifs and memes thrown in. DS 11 (ASD/ADHD) desperately wanted a phone and it spends most of its time gathering dust. He finds the amount of school group messages coming through on WhatsApp overwhelming. It's about 1000 messages a day throughout the afternoon and evening. He won't leave the groups in case it makes him look stroppy. He'd rather just game online with a handful of good friends.

He finds the amount of school group messages coming through on WhatsApp overwhelming. It's about 1000 messages a day throughout the afternoon and evening

Shows how necessary it is to limit screen time as well as check phones. Some children/teenagers would otherwise be trying to keep up with all those messages.

I don’t allow my teen to have Snapchat. He is allowed whatsapp, but not allowed to delete messages or chats for the reason you have said. He’s nearly 14. I don’t check often, but I do check and he knows that. I also check his internet search history, and as others have said have been able to manage situations and have big conversations due to that checking.

Thought I’d come on here and advise why parents should be checking their children’s phones.

In my local area yesterday a mother went to wake her teenage child for school and found the child hanging dead

The child’s phone has multiple group chats with peers talking about this challenge.

Oh goodness @HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend that is absolutely tragic.

In the last 2 years 2 local teens have been stabbed recently (one fatally) which has been orchestrated over social media and local teens have been groomed into money laundering and money muleing.

I check my son’s phones - I don’t read pages of their conversations but I do check who they’re messaging (so front page of messages). They’re 12 & 15. I don’t want them in touch with strangers so if, when I look, I see names I don’t recognise, I ask them about it. When I was their age, it was talk on a phone with a wire with the whole family able to hear! Having their phone checked occasionally isn’t that big a deal!! The opportunities online for children to fall into wrong groups, grooming etc are immense. They accept the checking or don’t have a phone. They trust me not to be overly invasive & I, in turn, trust them to stay within our boundaries.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend That is terrifying and so damn sad.