Told teens mum she was drunk in a field!

[Stephjo35]

I have a daughter who is 14. She's a good girl,typical teen always had a lovely bunch of friends.

We live in a village for context,and a local festival / fete was on in the next village along.

We took all 3 kids, 14 11 and 7. When the time came I went home,but teen wanted to stay with her group of friends she had bumped into. Yes no issue.

However she called me a few hours later to collect her,as she had become separated from the group. Once I collected her she informed me a friend had taken vodka and was VERY very drunk somewhere without parents. She said the girl had been thrown out of the event and she had no idea where she was.

Undoubted I did the right thing,and called the girls parents and told mum the situation. I was looking for the girl but couldn't find her.

Girl eventually made it home,being 14 she was in alot of trouble. The idea of what could have happened was awful and I felt bound to call her Mum.

However,my poor daughter has now been kicked out of the friendship group at school. She's labelled a snitch and nobody will talk to her.
She is so angry with me,and now hands school. Every morning is a battle getting her into education. These girls are bullying her.

Was I in the wrong calling the Mum? How do I make things right with my own teen? I feel so guilty to my own child,for trying to protect another. Did I over step the mark?

I don't know. I have a 14 year old, and this kind of stuff is so hard!

However, where safety is concerned, I think you did the right thing. If something bad had happened, you wouldn't have forgiven yourself.

How you communicate that to your DD and, by extension, her friends, I have no idea, sorry.

I'm sorry for your DD that her friends are being so unforgiving.

Really difficult situation. No good deed unpunished.

You are a responsible adult

You did the right thing

Our teens will always get upset with us if we tell the parent etc

But we have to

It's not your fault her parents went bayshit at her which is why your DD is in the doghouse

The girl could have died

She needs to know that

of course you did the right thing, and your daughter is going to have to learn that parents will always err on the side of safety. Just make it plain to her what the potential outcomes could have been.

As for the bullying, inform the school

Batshit

Horrible situation. I explained to my daughter why. Imagine if she got assaulted? I'd never ever forgive myself.
However I've ruined an entire friendship group for her. I am shocked an entire bunch of girls would ostracise her for my actions.
I thought worse case,they'd be mad with her for a few days. 4 weeks now and no let up. I want to contact school regarding them bullying her,think hair pulling,pushing her over etx.
Naturally she doesn't want me to now,and I'm hesitant after my recent mistake calling said girls mum!
Parenting eh?

Oh my god?! This is awful. Honestly I think your daughter is better off without these ‘friends’.
Had many antics like this in my youth and never did a bit of parental interference impact friendships.
Does she have other relationships she can work on and cut these mean girls loose?

I just hope their behaviour doesn’t stop your daughter sharing anything with you in future.

To be honest I would not only contact the school but I'd also be informing the girls parents!
Hopefully they will give their DD another talking to about how she and her friends are treating your daughter
I'd also be telling both school and the kids parents that if the abuse and assaults happen again that I would be getting the police involved.

I have zero tolerance for bullies

You did the tight thing once in possession of the information.

But your daughter did the wrong thing giving you info in the first place.

She is! But you know what it's like being a teen girl,she just wants to fit back in with her old friends. We live in a village,so she sees the girls out doing stuff together every weekend.
Exactly how I felt too,what if she doesn't tell me anything again,cause she feels like she can't trust me. Yuk!

My dd's friend's mum told me my dd had been drinking at the same age. I told her what I knew and who from so she couldn't deny it. There were no recriminations from anyone in the friendship group on the friend as they are good friends. They also respected that the adults were looking out for them. These girls clearly aren't good friends to your daughter so it's not a great loss. I know that's easy to say but it's a good life lesson to understand that not all friends are true friends.

What rot! Of course the OPs daughter did the right thing!!!!
Ffs! This girl could have been seriously ill or got herself into all kinds of trouble!

Feeling a little stuck between a rock and a hard place! If I go back to the parents mums,am I going to make the situation worse for my own kid?! Parenting a teen is no joke ha

100% this OP

I have a 14yo DS and he would go mad at me for intefering now but I agree with PP - I would definitely do this.

So sorry for your DD x

As a mother I’d absolutely want to know….. as a 14 year old I’d be livid!! It’s such a hard situation because the drunk girl was in the wrong and is now pushing it into your daughter. I have no advice though sorry!

I'd be the same imagine if something happened to her she was assaulted or taken being young and drunk. They are just being horrid to your DD and when she's older she will realise. I'd go to the school and drop the girls parents a message too. They might need to speak with her and tell her the what if's hadn't you told them. X

No-one needs friends like that. In a way she has had a very hard but very useful lesson about friendships.
presumably there is one ring-leader.

I have two 14 year olds and I really really don’t envy you.

@Stephjo35 can you get the school to talk to the other girls and their parents so it’s not from you?
have they done anything to help with the bullying?

They're not her friends. They dont Have the same values as her. She is worth more than having these 'friends' - she looks out for her mate and gets bullied for it? They are deflecting their own guilt onto her. Try and explain this to her.

Report the bullying and encourage her to hang out with someone else if she can.

She's learnt a really valuable lesson in this situation.

I can understand her being upset with you but you did the right thing.
They are 14, they will get over it and be best friends again in a few weeks

You’ve done this pretty cackhandedly though. Did you stress the importance of it not coming from your DD? This was going to cause drama between DD and her friends.

I would have requested that you remained an anonymous source to the parents, that DD was nervous but did the right thing telling you and ‘please could we keep this between us mums?’. Parents could have pretended to find her by chance, or said that a dog walker they knew had spotted her and called them.

You can’t really do anything about it now. It’s done.

You’ll just have to follow the channels at the school for bullying. Poor DD.

Definitely tell the school. It is bullying and needs to be stopped. If it ramps up then you report that too and the school should escalate their punishments too. Neither she nor you can live in fear of bullies who need a fucking good talking to. Sometimes we have to go against our children's wishes because if we don't they will just continue their little campaign of shitty behaviour. They need pulling up on this sharpish.

She did the right thing, you did the right thing, just show her this article about a missing 16 year old.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cw92j8nwypro

Sometimes it takes things like this to realise who you’ve been friends with are actually a bunch of bitches. Don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong and you would expect any other adult to do the same for your daughter.

Yes she’s having a horrible time but the focus should be on how badly she has been treated by her friends, not on your actions.

Op you did nothing wrong.