Dh hates my job

[Easiertogiveup88]

Dh and I have been having some issues for a while but they've got worse in the last year and he's blaming it on my job

Background, we have been married 9 years together 18 and have 2 children - 7 and 2. He does shift work and I have an office (WFH 3-4) days a week

I changed role this time last year after being unhappy in my job, staying at the same company though. I love me job and the training and development opportunities I have had over the last year have been incredible. However although I WFH most of the week there are times I have to be in the office or work some unsociable hours (think very early starts or late nights) and the majority of the time I can work these around DH's shifts. I have asked him once to book annual leave for something for me which he didn't so I re-arranged my plans, not an issue.

I've been given an opportunity for a team day out near Christmas (not a party but a Christmas activity) but it clashes with him being on a night shift so I had arranged for my mum to come and look after the DC overnight (as it would involve an overnight stay) and DH would need to drop the kids off after his shift to school/nursery and drop my mum home (10 mins away)

He has point blank refused. Said I've put him in a horrible position and all I think about is work. And that I'm selfish and he wants me to go back to my old role where he knew he wasn't going to be asked to do anything on his working days.

He has also complained I work too much as he has been on a late shift this week and I have had my laptop out when he has got home. I have been doing some personal development and e-learning and he wasn't home anyway and it was after the kids were in bed.

I should also add he goes to football EVERY Saturday or on days out with the lads most weekends so I pick up the childcare most weekends which is fine and I have never asked him not to go anything.

I'm really upset

Tell him what he can do with his socks.....

You need to toughen up, hard as that might be. Look after that job of yours, looks like he's driving you to lose it and then youll end up with nothing. Red flags all over.

Look after yourself, you're no-one's maid. Seek help, prepare for the future whatever that might, be and put yourself first.

If he's being like that then I'd just drop the kids off at my Mum's and tell the school the kids wouldn't be in that day. I know it's probably wrong to keep them off, but I would be too wound up to let him win. 🤣

No, your DH doesn't hate your job as such, he hates you having a job which means you have your independence and are not at his beck and call whenever he believes you should be.

He sounds really jealous OP. You’ve got a fab new job.
you aren’t asking him to do more than parent!!! Loads of people have to do that sort of thing after a night shift or full day of work. It’s called parenting!!!
Know you’re not in the wrong and I hope you can sort it so you can go.

I thought the same. You should definitely have put your foot down op. You’re meant to be a team!!

I’d join a gym (or similar) and say you are going every Sunday morning (for a similar
tome as his football. And say that you’ll be meeting friends afterwards.

He is being very controlling but I would probably just pay for a taxi to get your mum to take the kids to school and nursery and to take her home after.

I think you need couples therapy; to get to the bottom of why he won’t take equal responsibility for his kids.

Grade A selfishness that is. He does not hate your job, he hates that he has to actually participate in family life. Your old role suited him better as there was no responsibility or accountability involved for him. I am assuming that you both work to contribute to financial outgoings of the household so I say he needs to get with the program. “Men” like this make feel sick honestly.

Separately to this issue, I am very happy for you and proud of you for everything that you’ve achieved last year in your career. Many people aren’t brave enough to make a switch and rather moan and hate their job for the rest of their lives. It takes guts so kudos to you ❤️

After the argument about the socks, I'd have stopped doing his laundry immediately.

What exactly does he bring to the table? Because he sounds like an insufferable and ungrateful useless arsehole.

This. If he wont support your work do by doing one sodding drop off for his own kids, you no longer have the kids for him to do football. He'll just have to find / pay someone else to have them the same as he expects you to.
He'll soon change his tune.
Though it sounds like he is an awful, selfish prick. My DH would have done this for me in a heartbeat, and he works more than I do!

I'm intrigued by the 1% who think you are unreasonable.

This week I was slightly behind on ghe washing and he ran out of socks and the argument was terrible about how I'm lazy and don't do anything

How dare he! Tell him if he wants clean socks he can wash them himself. Seriously OP, you’ve got a husband who is trying his best to undermine your career. He wants a 1950s wife. You are having to make all the compromises in order to meet the needs of your children for whom he should take equal responsibility. I suggest you watch Wife on Strike on ch 5.

@HalloweenIsDone the answer is divorce. They’re not contributing to family life at all and you’re doing everything so you might as well be on your own.

FGS , just tell him to get stuffed . When he stops going to football he can have an opinion

What a selfish twat he is

DH doesn’t refuse to help spend the money you earn, does he.

Ok OP I see he thinks you are the family support human and you aren't pulling enough shifts according to his needs.

Absolute arrogance of him.

Tell him to sort his shit out or it's divorce.

My god he sounds like an absolute arsehole. Don't think I could stay with someone like that

Why do you put up with this shit OP? If my DH called me lazy and started a furious argument because he ran out of socks I'd fucking leave him..

BTW it's not that he doesn't trust your mum, its YOU he doesn't trust, he treats you badly and gets away with it so doesn't want you to have the freedom to get a taste of anything better. My advice would be fuck him, get your mum to have the kids, and pay for a taxi for her to drop the kids off and get herself home the next morning, or could they have a sleepover at hers?

I have no words
Selfish
Selfish
Selfish
Selfish
Would be easier on your own
I spent years with a dick like this. Ran myself into ground exhausted. When he left it was actually easier. No moaning when I asked him to....shock horror...do something for the family rather than himself.

I've not much more to add to all the comments that other PP have already said - but I'd say tough about the socks - if he's going to run out - buy some more of the blooming things!!

Ah, he’s using the argument that he doesn’t trust your mum so that he looks like a sterling parent. I mean, how can you argue with children’s safety.

What a pile of smelly bollocks.

He doesnt like your job because he has to do his share…he’s being selfish

This!

Deep down, your h knows that you're better than him, and he's terrified that you'll leave him, so he's negging you so you'll stay. Brilliant plan!! Not.

But you're worth a lot more than this, my pet.

Gosh this sounds so familiar. Having a go when certain items of his clothes aren't washed, refusing to help out with kids so I can work (even though he WFH and finishes early most days) and moaning everytime I pick up the laptop to do some work in the evening when kids are in bed (as this is the only time I get to do it!). Controlling, selfish and lazy. I wish for a plan to leave.

I just feel like he wants me to be here all the time to do everything and is annoyed that I dare not make him the centre of the world.

Nail on the head, OP. Your DH is a selfish, controlling shithead. But you know this.