Relative burned through funds and now mooching

[coldcallerbaiter]

AIBU to get involved? I have not said too much to him yet

So my cousin lost his parents in his 20s and got easily a million pounds in those days. He is around 60 now. Never had a job, playboy lifestyle in the Far East, womanising, divorces, no kids. Now he is back in the UK and has nowhere to go. Will not admit he is skint but then hints to live with my elderly mum in her spare room. He is not entitled to benefits as he never lived here and did not pay in or get credits. I do not know if he will even get a state pension later on. I think he should get a job and pay his rent somewhere but I doubt he will as working is beneath him, especially as it would be unskilled stuff, he wants to mooch off her. He has expensive tastes too and is in and out at night probably to bars. My mum is now phoning me worried in case he will not leave, also her quiet life is being disturbed

They are actually close as she was like a mother to him before he left to go abroad and were in touch all the years with visits.

That must of been organised in advance, getting all his furniture over here..did no one thinks to say no at that point.
I predict this will turn nasty ,I think he feels entitled to be there ,so will cling on to the end,he has nothing to loose ..be careful the stress of this does not put your mum in an early grave..he will then claim squatters rights,or just refuse to leave .I think u need a solicitors letter to get him out

He needs to accept responsibility for his existence. Life isn't a long party and now his party's over, he needs to get a job, a place to live, clear his debts, make a budget. All that adult stuff, which isn't exactly fun but absolutely necessary. Help him plan and prioritise, make some meals or buy groceries for him until he's working but don't give him money.

Your poor mother. This is very concerning and the last thing a pensioner needs. However, it also enrages me that the tax payers needs to cover fuckers like this. He is bad news as anybody with an iota of integrity would see the situation he is putting your mother in. I hope you can get him to leave soon. He could be counting on the house for when your mum passes away. He may have a premeditated plan coming back here.

Your mother is experiencing elder abuse if she is feeling helpless and there is financial loss including manipulation to make her spend/ potentially lose her home.

He needs to be gone asap.

This is not a joke. Please read up on this and call somewhere like Age UK for advice.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/

Had a relative by marriage in a similar situation, except it was her millionaire daughter back from abroad, giving a shopping list expensive wine etc, paying nothing towards it. Her on a very small pension. Eventually we told her she must act , eventually she did! You cannot mooch off someone,as mooch means to wander.

This won't end well.

I'll bet he ends up with your Mums house.

Of course you have to speak to him and tell him to go! She’s your mum, not his. Get some back up if you have to, and get him out. I wouldn’t hesitate for one second. It would be different if she actually wanted him there and he was going to contribute in some way. He’ll be trying to get her to change her will next.

This is a serious situation. Your mum could worry herself to death, he could claim tenants rights if she died. He must be made to leave NOW as the longer he stays the harder it will be to remove him. All his things must go to. Change the lock so he cant get back in the house because he will try. You have to intervene for your mum's sake even if she says let him stay a bit longer. He will take complete advantage of her kindness and effectively take over her home.

You need to get him out NOW. This has all the hallmarks of the types who weasel themselves into an elderly person’s home, become their “carer”, get them to alter their will when they get old and frail, and end up owning the house. Get him out. It’s not fair for your mother to be worrying about him being there and inconveniencing her. That’s a good enough reason to get him gone right now.

Absolutely do not let him stay until Christmas. He won’t move out then either. Give him two weeks to find somewhere else.

Oh come on, tell him to fuck right off.

You’re quite mad. He’s poncing off an elderly lady and has taken over her house. He wasn’t sharing his fortune with anyone, the selfish fucker blew it all on himself now he’s demanding she buys wine with her pension?

He's in! She will never get him out now.

Please get him out. If he lives there for a length of time and has no income and your mum let's him stay rent free, she pays all the Bill's including buying food for them both then he becomes her dependent. Tgat opens a dangerous can of worms. It gives him a claim on her will in the event of her death. You must remove him from the house as soon as possible. Your mum can support him by staying in touch once he moves out. He is manipulating her, protect your mum, she needs protection from him even if she doesn't fully realise it.

He’s taking the biscuit, but somehow you and your mum don’t seem to see the urgency and act right now. Judging by his behaviour he has no normal plans to resolve his situation. He will still be in the same self inflicted situation next week/month/year. Get him out now before he weasels his way into your mums finances. To boot, your mum doesn’t sound comfortable in her OWN home. I really don’t understand why this needs any further debate. He should go asap.

OP doesn't have the right to tell him that. Her mother needs to woman up and tell him to leave.

It’s not going to end well. He sounds like an entitled cocklodger. Yes, intervene and advocate for your mum. He’s a grown man and perfectly capable of looking after himself. Stop the wine buying and expensive food for a start. I guess your mum was allowing this at first to be polite, but that time has passed.

You need to tell him to find somewhere else to live now, not after Christmas.

But this is a difficult relationship thought isn't it ? He's not 'mooching off a pensioner' he's pushing boundaries with somebody who's acted like a parent to him the bulk of his adult life (the same life he's been financially stable in due to inheretence/living abroad, various marriages ect.) & whos actively avoiding telling him to leave / No to the wine because she doesn't want the status quo to change but it has to if it's going to end hasnt it ? Somebodys going to have to pull the plug on his plans on staying with his family & OP has openly criticised his lifestyle even though its never cost her anything

Can you move in with your mum to take up that space instead? Also was he ever generous with your mum in terms of his fortune in the past, which may be why he's rightly or wrongly "expecting" some payback now?

You all just need to speak up and be blatant. Give him a specific day to move out by. Tell him she has friends coming to stay or just tell him she wants her space back. And tell him to have two big burly fellas who can 'help' him move his stuff. You're all just pussy footing around him.

He's taking advantage big time and it sounds like it's detrimental to your Mum. She should not have to deal with this type of CF at her age. You need to give him a deadline

No, someone needs to sit him down and do straight talking.

you cannot live here. You need to move by dec 15th.
you made your choices and spent your money. The answer is no.

I would put something in writing to him stating how kind it is that mums let him stay for a few weeks and that he should visit citizens advice asap to find out about financial help from the state in preparation for moving out on January 10th. You both thought a good amount of notice would be helpful. Mum will need her house back to herself on this date.

if he refuses to leave on the date ask the police to remove him.

He can claim benefits if he's a British passport holder. Try and find him a bedsit and please stop your DM buying wine for him, he sounds like he hasn't lived in the real world and all the people he had in his life before were false.