Relative burned through funds and now mooching

[coldcallerbaiter]

AIBU to get involved? I have not said too much to him yet

So my cousin lost his parents in his 20s and got easily a million pounds in those days. He is around 60 now. Never had a job, playboy lifestyle in the Far East, womanising, divorces, no kids. Now he is back in the UK and has nowhere to go. Will not admit he is skint but then hints to live with my elderly mum in her spare room. He is not entitled to benefits as he never lived here and did not pay in or get credits. I do not know if he will even get a state pension later on. I think he should get a job and pay his rent somewhere but I doubt he will as working is beneath him, especially as it would be unskilled stuff, he wants to mooch off her. He has expensive tastes too and is in and out at night probably to bars. My mum is now phoning me worried in case he will not leave, also her quiet life is being disturbed

They are actually close as she was like a mother to him before he left to go abroad and were in touch all the years with visits.

@coldcallerbaiter I would label irrational to worry that he may actually be lurking quietly in the UK. It seems to fit with his past behaviour.
If he’s gone back to the other country on a UK passport would this be on a tourist visa and for a limited time?

LongDarkTeatime
He is a dual citizen so he has a passport for abroad, he just has to become a resident again which is simple.

He never owned property there. Only had UK property that was inherited. Pretty sure about that. Think he did not want his wives to get anything if divorced and he is 3 times divorced. According to him marrying abroad there gave the women no access to his UK homes (when he had them). He was obviously really generous though, His opinion was good quality local young women were looking for marriage or they would look elsewhere eventually. When 1 pushed for children, he refused and she divorced him. The other 2 found richer foreigners and left and moved abroad with their new husbands. I think they saw the money dwindling and his lack of being a family orientated guy and they bailed but that’s just my opinion in hindsight.

My first thought was, he hasn't gone anywhere...

He may be lurking around the corner in a B&B.

He can get pension credit which is around the same amount as contribution based pension but gives entitlement to cold weather payments too.

Given that it is difficult to trust anything that he says, you are always going to be left wondering. Not being honest, or revealing plans, is possibly how he feels that he can be in control and one step ahead of everyone. In my experience, it leaves you vigilant and constantly looking over your shoulder for the next manoeuvre. I think he played his hand too early and misjudged both your mother’s level of competence and the amount of support and communication she has with you. It is unlikely that he won’t turn up again with a fresh crisis but I hope, for all your sakes, that he just thinks that particular well is dry.

His tactic failed to return the desired result so he's retreated to formulate a new plan.

Yes, I will keep my eyes peeled for a reappearance.

He had the nerve to say to her on the last call that we were both obsessed with money and if she was having money problems why didn’t she sell up and come live with me her dd. We did not say she had any money problems ever and who asked for his financial advice anyway, we aren’t the ones up shit creek.

Ha, money problems because she doesn’t want to give him a load of freeloading! The only possible explanation in his mind, it couldn’t possibly be that he was being utterly unreasonable.

Like all grifters he resents you for what you've done for him. He feels aggrieved because you haven't given him what he wants.

If you did give him what he wanted he'd feel aggrieved because you didn't turn cartwheels too.

@coldcallerbaiter

Well I hope he is gone. But if he is faking that, I think he'll lie low for awhile, long enough to make it seem like he 'gave it a go'. So it's at least a reprieve.

Just don't let your guard down.